6 The Secret Diary of a Supervillain's Cat

The Secret Diary of a Supervillain's CAT MONDAY Dear Diary, Would you believe I've been stuck in the pet- shop window for a whole week?

超级大反派的猫的秘密日记星期一亲爱的日记：你相信我在宠物店橱窗里被困了整整一个星期吗？

Oh! The noise! The animals! The waft of wee! I had all but given up hope-woe was me!- when first thing this morning a mysterious bald man in a fetching beige evil-dictator suit waltzes into the shop. He immediately points at me. Who can blame him? I, Candelabra, am by far the most beautiful fluffy white cat in the shop. If not the entire world! "I lost my last moggy in an unfortunate accident in an underwater base," he says in an accent that is impossible to place. Russia? Switzerland? Birmingham? "Accidents happen," mutters the pet-shop owner. He clearly hasn't been listening to a word the mysterious

哦!噪音!这些动物!尿的气息！我几乎放弃了希望——我真倒霉！——今天早上的第一件事就是一个神秘的秃顶男人，穿着迷人的米色邪恶独裁者套装，大摇大摆地走进店里。 他立刻指着我。 谁能怪他呢？我，烛台，是店里最漂亮的毛茸茸的白猫。 如果不是整个世界！“我在水下基地的一次不幸事故中失去了我的最后一只猫，”他用一种难以辨认的口音说道。 俄罗斯?瑞士吗?伯明翰吗? “意外发生了，”宠物店老板嘟囔着。 他显然一个字都没听那个神秘人说

bald man has been saying. "Does the cat hiss?" asks the bald man. "Does it kiss?" asks the pet-shop owner, looking rather concerned. "No, hiss, you fool! I need a good hisser." "A good kisser? I would strongly advise against kissing the cat, sir. You don't know where it's been!" "No! Hisser!" "Oh yes, Candelabra hisses! Look!" With that, the pet-shop owner yanks my tail, which he knows I loathe with a passion. "Hiss!" I hiss. "I will take it!" says the bald man. "It's one hundred quid. Cash!" One hundred quid seems awfully cheap to me. I thought I would go for squillions! Well, the bald man has other ideas as he pulls out a laser gun and ZAPS the pet-shop owner. "ARGH!" ZAP! The pet-shop owner disappears into thin air. WHOOSH!

秃头一直在说。“猫会嘶嘶叫吗？”秃顶的男人问。 “它会接吻吗？”宠物店老板问道，看起来很担心。 “不，嘘，你这个傻瓜！”我需要一个好的嘘声。” “接吻高手？”我强烈建议不要亲猫，先生。 你不知道它去过什么地方！”“不!他的!”“哦，是的，烛台发出嘶嘶声！看!”说着，宠物店老板猛拉我的尾巴，他知道我非常讨厌这样。 “嘘!”我发出嘘声。“我买了！”秃头男人说。 “一百英镑。现金!”一百英镑对我来说太便宜了。 我还以为我会选十亿呢！嗯，秃顶的男人有其他的想法，他拿出激光枪，击中了宠物店的老板。 “啊!”杀死!宠物店老板消失得无影无踪。 嗖!

Well, I'm beginning to suspect this mysterious bald man is not as nice as he looks. And he doesn't look that nice! "My name is Dr X," he says. "And I am Candelabra!" I reply, reaching out a paw. We shake hands. "Welcome to my evil world!" he says. I smile weakly. Dr X puts me in a solid gold cat box (very chic but bum-numbingly uncomfortable), and I am taken by helicopter (convenient but noisy) to a secret island (pretty but remote). The island rears out of the sea as we approach. WHOOSH! "Well, I never!" I say, although Dr X cannot hear me over the roar of the blades. "WHAT?" "WELL, I NEVER!" "WHAT?" "NEVER MIND!" "WHAT?"

我开始怀疑这个神秘的秃头男人不像他看起来那么好。 而且他看起来不太好！“我是X博士，”他说。 “我是烛台！”我回答，伸出一只爪子。 我们握手。“欢迎来到我的邪恶世界！”他说。 我微微一笑。X医生把我放在一个纯金的猫箱里（非常时髦，但非常不舒服），然后我被直升机带到了一个秘密岛屿（漂亮但偏远）。 当我们靠近时，岛屿露出海面。 嗖!“嗯，我从来没有！”我说，虽然X医生在叶片的轰鸣声中听不到我说的话。 “什么?”“嗯，我从来没有！”“什么?”“没关系!”“什么?”

It turns out the island is the top-secret base of Dr X's top-secret criminal organisation, XXX. XX specialises in extortion, blackmail and revenge. The people who work at XXX seem nice enough, though. They while away the hours practising karate, wrestling and shooting flamethrowers at each other. I'm not sure what exactly they are practising for, but it looks exhausting. Not for me, dear. Thank goodness, being a cat, I'm not expected to join in! Dr X takes me to his secret lair and puts an absolutely gorge diamond collar round my neck. (I shudder to think of the price, but I am worth it, babes.) "Diamonds are forever," he purrs. "Unless you displease me." "Why, thank you, Doc!" I say.

原来这个岛是X博士的绝密犯罪组织XXX的绝密基地。 XX专门从事敲诈勒索和报复。 不过，在XXX工作的人似乎还不错。 他们练习空手道、摔跤和互相射击火焰喷射器来消磨时间。 我不确定他们到底在练习什么，但看起来很累。 对我来说不是，亲爱的。谢天谢地，作为一只猫，我不需要加入进来！X博士把我带到他的秘密巢穴，在我的脖子上戴上了一个非常漂亮的钻石项圈。 （我一想到这个价格就不寒而栗，但我值这个价，宝贝们。）“钻石恒久远，”他咕噜着。 “除非你惹我不高兴。” “啊，谢谢你，医生！”我说。