9 The Abominable but Nice Snowman

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The ABOMINABLE but Nice SNOWMAN LORD BLUNDERBUSS thought himself an explorer, adventurer and hunter. That meant he liked to go abroad and shoot things. He looked like this:

Pith helmet Monocle Huge bushy moustache Mutton chops Red face from too much sun Safari jacket Shorts Knobbly knees Long socks Leather boots It was the 1920s when this tale began. Lord Blunderbuss was slumped in his leather armchair in his grand old country house, BLUNDERBUSS MANOR. He was surrounded by hundreds of stuffed animals he'd hunted over his lifetime.

Now they stood in dramatic poses all around BLUNDERBUSS MANOR. In every corner of the house there were: Hippopotamuses Elephants Crocodiles Giraffes Orang-utans Jellyfish Polar bears Lions Tigers Gorillas Wasps

It was a scene of horror for any animal lovers, but a source of great pride to Lord Blunderbuss. The hunter thought of himself as terribly brave for having hunted all these animals, even though he was the one armed with a gun, not them. And they were running away at the time. He even shot a flea. It took hundreds of goes to hit the poor thing. Now, with nothing left to shoot, Blunderbuss was bored. Bored out of his tiny brain. "NANNY!" he shouted. Despite being in his sixties, Blunderbuss was still looked after by his childhood nanny. She was not his grandmother but a lady his parents had employed to care for him since he was a baby. "Yes, your lordship?" she replied, shuffling into the study, an ear trumpet held to her head. "Nanny, I am so bored. I have shot every known creature on the planet. I have nothing to shoot next!" "Perhaps it's time to hang up your rifle for good. your lordship!" she suggested. "NEVER!" he thundered. "Would you mind awfully if I shot you?"

"I would really rather you didn't," replied the old lady. "Yes. Who would bring me my tea and scones?" he reasoned. "Exactly! Of course, there are legendary beasts, your lordship." "What exactly do you mean?" "Creatures that no one knows for sure really exist." "Like a rhinoceros made entirely of cheese? A PIANO- PLAYING turtle? A camel that speaks Japanese?" "No! Like a unicorn, or a dragon, or a mermaid, or a griffin, or a sea serpent." "FETCH ME MY RIFLE!" he bellowed. "I WILL HAVE THEM ALL SHOT AND STUFFED BY TEATIME!" "In fact, there was something in the London Times only this morning about a creature called the Abominable Snowman!" "Sounds abominable!" Nanny rolled her eyes. "That it does! It was spotted on an expedition to Mount Everest!" "Hand me the newspaper!" "It's right there next to you, your lordship," replied Nanny.