9 The Abominable but Nice Snowman

The ABOMINABLE but Nice SNOWMAN LORD BLUNDERBUSS thought himself an explorer, adventurer and hunter. That meant he liked to go abroad and shoot things. He looked like this:

可恶但善良的雪人BLUNDERBUSS勋爵认为自己是一个探险家、冒险家和猎人。 这意味着他喜欢到国外去拍摄东西。 他看起来是这样的：

Pith helmet Monocle Huge bushy moustache Mutton chops Red face from too much sun Safari jacket Shorts Knobbly knees Long socks Leather boots It was the 1920s when this tale began. Lord Blunderbuss was slumped in his leather armchair in his grand old country house, BLUNDERBUSS MANOR. He was surrounded by hundreds of stuffed animals he'd hunted over his lifetime.

木盔单片眼镜浓密的大胡子羊排由于晒得太多而红脸狩猎夹克短裤圆膝长袜皮靴这个故事开始于20世纪20年代。 布兰德巴斯勋爵瘫坐在他那座宏伟的乡村老房子——布兰德巴斯庄园里的皮扶手椅上。 他被他一生中猎杀的数百只毛绒动物包围着。

Now they stood in dramatic poses all around BLUNDERBUSS MANOR. In every corner of the house there were: Hippopotamuses Elephants Crocodiles Giraffes Orang-utans Jellyfish Polar bears Lions Tigers Gorillas Wasps

现在，他们站在布兰德巴斯庄园周围摆着戏剧性的姿势。 在房子的每个角落都有：河马，大象，鳄鱼，长颈鹿，猩猩，水母，北极熊，狮子，老虎，大猩猩，黄蜂

It was a scene of horror for any animal lovers, but a source of great pride to Lord Blunderbuss. The hunter thought of himself as terribly brave for having hunted all these animals, even though he was the one armed with a gun, not them. And they were running away at the time. He even shot a flea. It took hundreds of goes to hit the poor thing. Now, with nothing left to shoot, Blunderbuss was bored. Bored out of his tiny brain. "NANNY!" he shouted. Despite being in his sixties, Blunderbuss was still looked after by his childhood nanny. She was not his grandmother but a lady his parents had employed to care for him since he was a baby. "Yes, your lordship?" she replied, shuffling into the study, an ear trumpet held to her head. "Nanny, I am so bored. I have shot every known creature on the planet. I have nothing to shoot next!" "Perhaps it's time to hang up your rifle for good. your lordship!" she suggested. "NEVER!" he thundered. "Would you mind awfully if I shot you?"

这一幕对任何动物爱好者来说都是恐怖的，但对布兰德巴斯勋爵来说却是无比自豪的。 猎人觉得自己非常勇敢，因为他猎杀了所有这些动物，尽管拿枪的是他，而不是它们。 他们当时正在逃跑。 他甚至打了一只跳蚤。打了好几百次才打中那个可怜的家伙。 现在，没有东西可以拍了，布兰德巴斯觉得很无聊。 他的小脑袋无聊死了。 “保姆！”他喊道。尽管已经60多岁了，布兰德巴斯仍然由他儿时的保姆照顾。 她不是他的祖母，而是他父母从他还是个婴儿时就雇来照顾他的一位女士。 “什么事，大人？”她回答，拖着脚步走进书房，头上顶着一个耳号。 “保姆，我好无聊。我射杀了这个星球上所有已知的生物。 我没有什么可拍的了！”“也许是时候把你的步枪永远挂起来了。 老爷！”她建议道。 “决不！”他怒吼道。“如果我开枪打你，你会非常介意吗？”

"I would really rather you didn't," replied the old lady. "Yes. Who would bring me my tea and scones?" he reasoned. "Exactly! Of course, there are legendary beasts, your lordship." "What exactly do you mean?" "Creatures that no one knows for sure really exist." "Like a rhinoceros made entirely of cheese? A PIANO- PLAYING turtle? A camel that speaks Japanese?" "No! Like a unicorn, or a dragon, or a mermaid, or a griffin, or a sea serpent." "FETCH ME MY RIFLE!" he bellowed. "I WILL HAVE THEM ALL SHOT AND STUFFED BY TEATIME!" "In fact, there was something in the London Times only this morning about a creature called the Abominable Snowman!" "Sounds abominable!" Nanny rolled her eyes. "That it does! It was spotted on an expedition to Mount Everest!" "Hand me the newspaper!" "It's right there next to you, your lordship," replied Nanny.

“我真希望你不要，”老太太回答说。 “是的。谁会给我送茶和司康饼呢？” “完全正确!当然，还有传说中的野兽，大人。” “你到底是什么意思？”“没有人确切知道这些生物是否真的存在。” “就像一头完全由奶酪制成的犀牛？” 一只会弹钢琴的乌龟？会说日语的骆驼？”“不!比如独角兽、龙、美人鱼、狮鹫或海蛇。” “把我的步枪拿来！”他吼道。 “到下午茶的时候，我要把他们都枪毙了！”“事实上，就在今天早上，伦敦的《泰晤士报》上还报道了一种叫‘可恶的雪人’的生物！”“听起来令人憎恶的!”保姆翻了个白眼。 “是的！”它是在一次珠穆朗玛峰探险中被发现的！”“把报纸递给我！”“它就在你旁边，大人。”