8 The Incredible Bulk

THE INCREDIBLE BULK MR BULK WAS AN enormous oaf of a man, as wide as he was tall- like a hot-air balloon in a tracksuit. The teacher wore a tracksuit to school every day, but not because he exerted himself in any way. No, it was because he taught Sports.

令人难以置信的大块头大块头先生是一个巨大的懒汉，他的身高和他的宽一样——就像一个穿着运动服的热气球。 这位老师每天穿着运动服上学，但这并不是因为他在任何方面都很努力。 不，是因为他教体育。

And Sports teachers have to wear tracksuits even if they are less active than a sloth. Bulk had a different-coloured one for each day of the week. Monday: flamingo pink... Tuesday: electric blue... Wednesday: deep purple... Thursday: canary yellow... Friday: postbox red... To complete his look, he had a bushy moustache, a mullet haircut and a huge gold medallion nestling on his hairy chest. Mr Bulk thought he was the coolest teacher around. Sadly, no one agreed. All the boys at TWADDLE SCHOOL laughed at him behind his back. "HA! HA! HA!"

体育老师即使比树懒还不活跃，也得穿运动服。 散装有一个不同颜色的一个星期的每一天。 星期一：火烈鸟粉红色……星期二：电蓝色…… 星期三：深紫色……星期四：淡黄色…… 星期五：邮筒红色……为了衬托他的形象，他蓄着浓密的小胡子，梳着鲻鱼发型，在他毛茸茸的胸前挂着一个巨大的金质奖章。 散装先生认为他是周围最酷的老师。 遗憾的是，没有人同意。TWADDLE学校所有的男孩都在背后嘲笑他。 “哈!哈!哈!”

They had a nickname for him that had been passed from generation to generation. THE INCREDIBLE BULK It was cruel, but he certainly loved his food. The teacher always had something big and meaty on the go. A million sausage rolls later, he was ginormous. Now, despite not having the appearance of a natural athlete, Mr Bulk would spend the whole of his lessons making wild boasts about his sporting achievements. "I could have won the Wimbledon tennis championships," he would tell his pupils as he devoured a pork pie. "Even the doubles, playing on my own. Two against one. I am that good. Game, set and match! DOOSH!"

他们给他起了一个代代相传的绰号。 这是残酷的，但他确实喜欢他的食物。 老师总是忙着做一些又大又多的事情。 吃了一百万个香肠卷之后，他变得巨大无比。 现在，尽管Bulk先生看起来不像一个天生的运动员，但他会在整个课程中大肆吹嘘自己的运动成就。 “我本可以赢得温布尔登网球锦标赛，”他一边狼吞虎咽地吃猪肉派，一边对学生们说。 “即使是双打，我一个人打。 二对一。我就是那么好。 比赛，定局，比赛！哇!”

"The England football team begged me to be captain for the World Cup Final. But I am on playground duties on Fridays so I couldn't make it. GOAL!" he proclaimed as he sprayed Cornish pasty crumbs all over the kids. SPLIT! SPLAT! SPLUT! "The problem is I am actually too good at boxing. If I got in the ring with the heavyweight champion of the world, it would be all over in one second! I would knock him out with a single punch. BOOM!" he would brag as he polished off a battered sausase. "I am actually banned from playing rugby at international level as it wasn't fair on all the other players. They would just get trampled underfoot by me as I scored goal after goal. I mean TRY! DOOF!"

“英格兰足球队恳求我担任世界杯决赛的队长。 但是我周五要去操场值班，所以我不能去。 进球了！”他一边大声说，一边把康沃尔郡馅饼屑撒在孩子们身上。 分裂!长条木板!SPLUT !“问题是我真的太擅长拳击了。 如果我和世界重量级拳王在擂台上较量，一秒钟就会结束！我一拳就能把他打倒。 轰！”他一边狼吞虎咽地吃着香肠一边自夸。 “我实际上被禁止参加国际级别的橄榄球比赛，因为这对其他球员不公平。 当我进了一个又一个球，他们就会被我踩在脚下。 我是说试试！傻蛋”!”

He always liked to end with a big shout even if it meant the meatball he was munching shot out of his mouth and hit a kid bang in the eye. SPLAT! OUCH!" "Basketball is my number-one sport. I can shoot a hoop from a distance of a mile. With my eyes closed. And my hands tied behind my back. That's why you won't see me playing professional basketball. It is so easy for me it's BORING! SKILLS!" he would crow as he chomped on two sausage rolls at once. "CHOMP! CHUMP!" Now of course the kids at TWADDLE SCHOOL didn't believe a word of all this nonsense. When he finished a story, they would roll their eyes- the only exercise they got. One day, a boy asked, "If you are so brilliant at all these sports, sir, why are you teaching here at TWADDLE? This school has never won a thing!"

他总是喜欢在结束时大喊一声，即使这意味着他正在咀嚼的肉丸从他的嘴里射出来，击中了一个孩子的眼睛。 长条木板!哎哟!”“篮球是我最喜欢的运动。 我能在一英里远的地方投篮。 闭着眼睛。我的手被绑在背后。 这就是为什么你不会看到我打职业篮球。 这对我来说太简单了，太无聊了！技巧！”他一边叫一边同时咬着两个香肠卷。 “CHOMP !笨蛋!”废话学校的孩子们当然一个字也不相信。 当他讲完一个故事时，他们会翻白眼——这是他们唯一的锻炼。 一天，一个男孩问：“老师，如果你在这些运动上都那么出色，你为什么还在TWADDLE教书？” 这所学校从来没有赢得过什么！”