7 Miss Palaver's

MISS PALAVER'S Theatrical Theatrics MISS PALAVER COULD TURN anything into a drama. The smallest thing would make her launch into the most over-the-top performance. It could be... A plastic bag caught up a tree...

帕拉弗小姐的戏剧表演帕拉弗小姐能把任何事情变成戏剧。 最小的事情也会让她的表演变得最夸张。 可能是……一个塑料袋挂在树上。

"Oh, woe! Poor bag of plastic! Come down from atop your lonely branch!" she would wail. A teacher sneezing in assembly... "ATISHOO!" "Get thee to the nearest apothecary* at once. Ye may only have moments to live!" *An apothecary is an old word for "pharmacist". Miss Palaver liked using language from the time of William Shakespeare, the famous playwright who died over four hundred years ago. A piece of chewing gum stuck to her shoe... "Oh, woe! Oh, twice woe! I am stucketh to the spot! I will be entombed here for all eternity!" A wasp trapped in a classroom... "Out, out! O stingy foe! Thou art not welcome in my classroom ever! Do notteth forceth me to fetcheth the spray canister of certain waspish doom!" A bird plop landing on the headmistress's car... SPLUT! "O bird of foulness, why hath thou smited the headmistress's vehicle so with your ploppy poop?"

“哦,有祸了!可怜的塑料袋！从你那根孤零零的树枝上下来吧！” 一个老师在集会上打喷嚏…… “阿嚏!”“马上到最近的药店去。 你也许只有片刻的生命了！”药剂师（apothecary）是“药剂师”的古语。 帕拉弗小姐喜欢使用四百多年前去世的著名剧作家威廉·莎士比亚时代的语言。 一块口香糖粘在她的鞋子上。 “哦,有祸了!哦，两次不幸！我被困住了！我将永远埋葬在这里！”一只黄蜂被困在教室里…… “出去,出去!啊，吝啬的敌人！我的教室永远不欢迎你！别逼我去拿那罐黄蜂的灭顶之灾！”一只鸟扑通一声落在女校长的车上。 SPLUT !“啊，肮脏的鸟儿，你为什么用你那扑通扑通的便便打女校长的车？”

A girl with a shoelace undone... "Stoppeth at onceth and doeth your shoelaceth uppeth! Please, please, please do not thanketh me, even though I hath saved your life!" A book being overdue at the library... "O book! O book! O pretty book! Flyeth back to the library on the wings of a dove! We need thee safely returned!" A shortage of baked beans in the school cafeteria... "I weep for me. I weep for the children. I weep for baked- bean lovers of the world. We must have beans, beans and more beans or we may as well rolleth into a ditch and die! Die! DIE!" In case you hadn't already guessed, this particular world's worst teacher taught Drama. Miss Palaver's appearance was, in a word, theatrical. The teacher dressed as if she had travelled in time from hundreds of years ago. She wore a long scarlet velvet

一个鞋带没系的女孩…… “马上停下来，把你的鞋带系上！”求求你，求求你，别谢我，即使我救了你的命！”图书馆有一本书过期了…… “书啊!书啊!啊，漂亮的书！乘着鸽子的翅膀飞回图书馆！我们需要你平安归来！”学校自助餐厅烤豆短缺。 “我为自己哭泣。我为孩子们哭泣。 我为全世界爱吃烤豆的人哭泣。 我们必须有豆子，豆子，更多的豆子，否则我们还不如滚到沟里去死！死的!死!”如果你还没有猜到，这个世界上最糟糕的老师教戏剧。 总而言之，帕拉弗小姐的出现是戏剧性的。 老师的打扮就像从几百年前穿越而来。 她穿着一件长长的猩红色天鹅绒衣服

cape, which billowed on windy days. On the cape was pinned an antique gold brooch, with the symbol of drama, the twin masks of comedy and tragedy.* *That was fitting, as her life was a mixture of the two. Underneath the cape, Miss Palaver wore antique blouses with ruffled collars and cuffs, and tweed skirts that went all the way down to her ankles. Her shoes were heeled lace-up boots, which were last popular in Victorian times. She wore her half-moon spectacles on a chain round her neck. No one had ever witnessed her bring them up to her eyes, so they might just have been part of her costume.

海角，在大风的日子里波涛汹涌。 斗篷上别着一枚古董金胸针，胸针上有戏剧的象征，喜剧和悲剧的双重面具。这很合适，因为她的生活是两者的混合体。 在披肩下面，帕拉弗小姐穿着带褶边领子和袖口的古色古香的衬衫，以及一直拖到脚踝的粗花呢裙子。 她的鞋子是高跟系带长靴，这种靴子在维多利亚时代很流行。 她把半月形眼镜戴在项链上，挂在脖子上。 没有人看到她把它们举到眼睛上，所以它们可能只是她服装的一部分。

Miss Palaver taught at LADY OSTENTATIOUS'S SCHOOL FOR POSH GIRLS. A POSTER school you could not find." *It was even posher than LORD POSHS SCHOOL FOR POSHOS, where you had to be a member of the royal family to attend.

帕拉弗小姐在豪华女子学校教书。 一个你找不到的海报学校。” *它甚至比你必须是皇室成员才能参加的LORD POSHS SCHOOL FOR POSHOS还要高级。