6 Miss Seethe's

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MISS SEETHE'S Detention Rampage SOME TEACHERS ARE permanently annoyed. Others are always cross. There are even some who spend their whole day fuming. However, Miss Seethe was never not FURIOUS. There was a very good reason for this, and for once it wasn't the fault of the children.

At RILE HIGH SCHOOL Miss Seethe had been the deputy head for as long as anyone could remember. For years and years, she'd been living in the shadow of someone. Someone who had the top job. Someone who would never retire. Someone who'd been headmistress for very nearly fifty years. Five decades! Half a century! It was unheard of to be in the job for so long. At some schools, a head teacher might only last five minutes.* *HELL'S BELLS SCHOOL FOR HORRIBLE BOYS. More of that infamous school later in the book. As our tale begins, the ninety-nine-year-old Miss Stint was just days away from celebrating her golden anniversary as headmistress of RILE HIGH. This made Seethe SEETHE! As deputy head, she was just under Miss Stint. Any deputy head dreams of one day becoming the head teacher. Number one. Top dog. The big cheese. Numero uno. Our glorious leader.

But not for nearly fifty years! That is how long Miss Seethe had been waiting to seize the crown. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Then waiting some more. Every day she cursed the ground Miss Stint rolled on. "One day..." she would incant to herself as she looked around the school, "one day, this will be mine! MINE! MINE! MINE!" The fury was written all over her face. Over time... her eyes had narrowed to become two inky black dots... her mouth had curled into a permanent grimace... her ears had begun to glow as red as the fires of hell... her forehead had become as lined as an exercise book... and her nostrils had flared so much you could stuff a sausage roll up each one...* *DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS. IT WOULD ONLY MAKE MISS SEETHE EVEN MORE FURIOUS AND SHE IS ALREADY REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FURIOUS.

Miss Seethe's face was permanently frozen in fury. She woke up in the morning like that and she went to bed at night like that. Even when she was experiencing something pleasurable, like sucking one of her favourite boiled sweets (humbugs, of course), she looked as if she were sucking on a wasp. Miss Seethe had been waiting for so long that she'd grown very, very old. (Not as old as Miss Stint. No one was as old as Miss Stint.) The deputy head was eighty- eight and walked with a stick. The advantage of this was that it doubled up as a weapon. It was perfect for

prodding and poking children. PROD! "OUCH!" POKE! "ARGH!" PRROKE! "EURGH!" When she was particularly enraged, she would swing the stick over her head like a propeller. Most days Miss Seethe stalked the corridors of RILE HIGH looking for anyone on whom she could vent her fury. Her favourite thing in the world was to give out detentions.* *A detention is a punishment where you have to stay behind after school. It might be an hour, or two hours, or even more. I was so badly behaved as a child that I am still in a detention and I left school in 1989! Absolutely anything you did could get you into trouble with her. Miss Seethe was known to dish out detentions for the most spurious of reasons: