4 Miss Conceit

MISS CONCEIT, the Human Work of Art HUMDRUM HIGH ART

骄傲小姐，人类的艺术作品，单调乏味的高级艺术

MISS CONCEIT, the Human Work of Art MISS CONCEIT THOUGHT of herself as a work of art. Though with her electric-blue boots, orange hat, yellow dress, flowing pink scarf and black-and-white tights, she looked more like a Liquorice Allsort. She taught Art at a school that was the definition of ordinary: Humdrum High The school was colourless.

自负小姐，人类的艺术品自负小姐认为自己是一件艺术品。 尽管她穿着电蓝色的靴子、橙色的帽子、黄色的裙子、飘逸的粉色围巾和黑白的紧身衣，但她看起来更像一个Liquorice Allsort。 她在一所定义为普通的学校教艺术：单调的高中。

except for one room. The Art room. That was an explosion of colour as Miss Conceit had made it a shrine to herself. Pictures of her adorned the walls. The teacher had "humbly" added herself into the most famous paintings of all time. Here she was as Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa. There she was as Johannes Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring. Frida Kahlo's Self-Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird now had Miss Conceit's face staring back at you. Sandro Botticelli's The Birth of Venus was renamed The Birth of Miss Conceit. One of Georgia O'Keeffe's flowers suddenly had Miss Conceit's face right at the centre of it. She became bald for Edvard Munch's The Scream. Vincent van Gogh's famous self-portrait with a bandage on his ear became a portrait of Miss Conceit with a plaster on her ear.

除了一个房间。美术室。 那是一场色彩的爆炸，因为自负小姐把它当成了自己的圣地。 墙上挂着她的画像。 这位老师“谦卑地”把自己加入了有史以来最著名的画作中。 这是她扮演达芬奇的蒙娜丽莎。 那是约翰内斯·维米尔的《戴珍珠耳环的女孩》。 弗里达·卡罗的《戴着荆棘项链和蜂鸟的自画像》现在有了自负小姐的脸在盯着你。 桑德罗·波提切利的《维纳斯的诞生》被更名为《自负小姐的诞生》。 乔治娅·奥基夫的一朵花突然中间出现了孔蒂特小姐的脸。 她因为爱德华·蒙克的《呐喊》而秃顶。 梵高著名的耳朵上缠着绷带的自画像变成了耳朵上缠着石膏的Conceit小姐的画像。

Tamara de Lempicka's Tamara in a Green Bugatti was reimagined as Miss Conceit in a Brown Mini. Perhaps most startling of all was Miss Conceit's addition of herself surfing Katsushika Hokusai's iconic The Great Wave. In the centre of the classroom stood a larger-than-life-size sculpture. It was Michelangelo's David, but now it had her face chiselled on it, and was renamed Miss Conceit's Miss Conceit. All that the children were allowed to paint was her! This she would make them do over and over again until they'd finally captured her-as she called it- "immensetal beautifulness". Her poor pupils missed break-time and lunchtime, had to stay behind for hours after school and even missed weekends until these artworks of herself met her approval. It was as if

塔玛拉·德·伦皮卡的绿色布加迪车里的塔玛拉被重新塑造成棕色迷你车里的自负小姐。 也许最让人吃惊的是康蒂特小姐增加了自己在葛饰北斋的标志性作品《巨浪》中冲浪的照片。 教室中央立着一尊比真人还大的雕塑。 原来是米开朗基罗的《大卫》，但现在画上刻上了她的脸，并更名为《自负小姐》。 孩子们被允许画的都是她！她会让他们一遍又一遍地这样做，直到他们最终捕捉到她——用她的话说——“无限的美丽”。 她可怜的学生错过了休息时间和午餐时间，放学后不得不留在家里几个小时，甚至错过了周末，直到她的这些艺术品得到她的认可。 就好像

she were an Egyptian pharaoh, and they were her slaves, working night and day to immortalise her.* *In ancient Egypt, thousands of slaves died building the pyramids, which were giant tombs for members of the royal family. FREE HISTORY LESSON! One day, there was an announcement on the television news of a nationwide children's art contest. Every school in the country was invited to take part in the Children's Art Competition Knockout, or "C.A.C.K." for short. Miss Conceit was in the staff room when she saw the news. She was so thrilled she spat her coffee all over the headmaster, Mr Dour, who was quietly getting on with his crossword. SPLURT "YUCK!" "YES!" exclaimed Miss Conceit. She began skipping around the staff room. "DA DE DUM DE DUM DI DA!" Soon, everyone at Humdrum High knew how thrilled she was.

她是一位埃及法老，他们是她的奴隶，日夜工作以使她不朽。* *在古埃及，成千上万的奴隶死于建造金字塔，金字塔是皇室成员的巨大坟墓。 免费历史课！一天，电视新闻上宣布要举行全国儿童美术比赛。 全国每所学校都被邀请参加儿童艺术大赛淘汰赛，简称“c.a.c.k”。 为短。康西蒂小姐看到这消息时正在教工室。 她太激动了，把咖啡吐到了校长杜尔先生身上，而杜尔先生正在静静地玩填字游戏。 SPLURT“恶心!”“是的！”自负小姐叫道。 她开始在员工室里跳来跳去。 “哒哒哒哒哒哒哒！”很快，Humdrum高中的每个人都知道她有多兴奋。

She cartwheeled down the corridor. She danced in the dining hall. She pogoed in the playground. She limboed in the library. She HIGH-KICKED in the History classroom. She foxtrotted on the football pitch. She STRUTTED around the Science block. She cha-chaed around the climbing frame. She tiptoed through the toilets.

她侧着身子穿过走廊。 她在餐厅里跳舞。 她在操场上荡秋千。 她一瘸一拐地走进图书馆。 她在历史教室里踢腿。 她在足球场上狐步舞。 她昂首阔步地绕着科学街区走。 她在攀爬架上蹦蹦跳跳。 她踮着脚尖走过厕所。