9 Lord Grandiose

LORD GRANDIOSE LORD GRANVILLE GRANDIOSE was an upper-class twit. His father before him had been an upper-class twit. And his father before him had also been an upper-class twit. And so on and so forth, going back for hundreds and hundreds of years of twits, twits and more twits.

格兰威勋爵是个上流社会的笨蛋。 他的父亲在他之前是个上流社会的笨蛋。 在他之前，他的父亲也是一个上流社会的笨蛋。 以此类推，可以追溯到几百年，几百年，越来越多的抽搐。

As was common with upper-class twits, Lord Grandiose lived in a humongous country house called GRANDIOSE HALL. It had been in the family for generations. Passed from twit to twit. So, what makes an upper-class twit? Well, first of all, Granville didn't laugh exactly. If he found something funny, like the misfortune of poor people, he would snort. "SNORT! SNORT! SNORT! JOKES!" Second, because he was rich and posh, Granville thought he could do whatever he liked. As a result, he would constantly belch boisterously when out at restaurants. "BURP!"

和上流社会的笨蛋一样，格兰德斯勋爵住在一座名为格兰德斯大厅的巨大乡村别墅里。 它在这个家族里传了好几代了。 从一个推特传到另一个推特。那么，是什么造就了一个上流社会的笨蛋呢？ 首先，格兰维尔并没有笑。 如果他发现一些有趣的事情，比如穷人的不幸，他就会哼一声。 “SNORT !SNORT !SNORT !笑话!”其次，因为他有钱又时髦，格兰维尔认为他可以做任何他喜欢的事。 因此，当他外出就餐时，他会不停地打嗝。 “嗝!”

If anyone dared to complain, the twit would instantly buy the restaurant and have them thrown out! Third, the buttons on his waistcoats were often pinging off as he always ate too much and his tummy grew rounder and rounder daily. TWONG! Fourth, if you peered into one of Granville's ears, you might see what you thought was a pea rolling around inside his head. Do NOT be alarmed. This would, in fact, be his brain. RATTLE! Fifth, Granville would point champagne bottles at his servants, and then open them. POP! The cork would fly out like a bullet. And hit them on the bottom. "OWEE!"

如果有人敢抱怨，这个笨蛋会立即买下这家餐厅，把他们赶出去！第三，由于他总是吃得太多，他的肚子一天比一天圆。 TWONG !第四，如果你仔细观察格兰维尔的一只耳朵，你可能会看到一个你以为是豌豆的东西在他的脑袋里打滚。 不要惊慌。事实上，这就是他的大脑。 喋喋不休!第五，格兰维尔会用香槟酒指着他的仆人，然后打开它们。 流行!软木塞会像子弹一样飞出去。 然后打在底部。 “OWEE !”

Sixth, if the gates to GRANDIOSE HALL were shut at night, and he couldn't be bothered to get out of the car to open them, he would ram the Rolls-Royce through them at speed. ZOOM! KERCHUNG! Seventh, Granville did absolutely nothing for himself. His butler even had to squirt toothpaste on to his toothbrush, and still he never, ever cleaned his teeth. SQUIRT! Eighth, even though he had a remote control for the television set, Granville always rang a bell for the butler to come to change the channel for him. TINKLE! "HORSE RACING! NOW!" Tenth, what happened to ninth? Ninth, oh, there you are. Counting to ten isn't easy for upper-class twits.

第六，如果通往宏伟大厅的大门在晚上关着，而他又懒得下车去打开，他就会开着劳斯莱斯快速冲进去。 祖姆！KERCHUNG !第七，格兰维尔完全没有为自己做任何事。 他的管家甚至要把牙膏喷到他的牙刷上，但他仍然从不刷牙。 喷射!第八，尽管他有电视遥控器，格兰维尔总是按铃让管家来给他换频道。 叮当声!“赛马!现在!”第十，第九呢？ 第九，哦，你来了。对上流社会的笨蛋来说，数到十并不容易。

One day, Lord Grandiose met a young lady who was just as GHASTLY as he was. Her name was Lady Lavonia Lavish. It was love at first sight. Lavonia was just as rude, ignorant and bad-tempered as he was, if not more so. She had become famous in upper-class twit circles for firing her maid out of a cannon to the next county when she'd brought her a cold cup of tea. BANG! WHOOSH! "ARGH!" On hearing this story, Granville knew she was just the gal for him. He spent a fortune throwing a huge party at GRANDIOSE HALL with mountains of caviar and rivers of

有一天，格兰德罗斯勋爵遇到了一位和他一样可怕的年轻女士。 她的名字是拉沃尼亚·拉维什夫人。 那是一见钟情。 拉沃尼亚和他一样粗鲁、无知、脾气暴躁，甚至比他更坏。 在上流社会的微博圈子里，她已经出名了，因为她把自己的女仆从一门大炮里开除到了邻县，因为她给她端来了一杯冷茶。 砰!嗖!“啊!”听到这个故事，格兰维尔知道她就是他要找的女孩。 他花了一大笔钱在宏伟的大厅里举办了一个盛大的派对，用如山的鱼子酱和河