5 Terry Tetch

TERRY TETCH NO ONE LIKES QUEUEING. You never meet a single person who says, "My favourite hobby is standing in queues all day long. Then, when I finally get to the front, I go straight to the back so I can queue all over again!" Queues are boring. Queues are time-consuming.

特里·泰奇，没人喜欢排队。 你永远不会遇到一个人说：“我最喜欢的爱好就是整天排队。 然后，当我终于排到前面时，我直接走到后面，这样我就可以重新排队了！”排队很无聊。 队列非常耗时。

Queues make your feet ache. But they are a necessity. You have to queue to get to the thing you want to do. Get on the bus. Have your school dinner. Go on a ride at the fair. British people are exceptionally good at queueing. Queueing was invented by a British lady, Duchess Queenie Queue, in 1766. Her husband had just invented the toilet. As it was the only toilet in Britain at that time, there were a lot of people clamouring to use it. Everyone in Britain, in fact. There was nothing short of a stampede of people who needed to go. So the duchess made everyone stand in line to take turns to use her husband's great invention.

排队让人脚疼。 但它们是必需品。你必须排队去做你想做的事情。 上车吧。吃你的学校晚餐。 去集市上骑马。英国人特别擅长排队。 排队是1766年由一位英国女士——公爵夫人奎妮·Queue发明的。 她丈夫刚刚发明了厕所。 因为这是当时英国唯一的厕所，所以有很多人吵着要用它。 事实上，每个英国人都是这样。 这简直是一群需要离开的人的踩踏。 因此，公爵夫人让大家排队轮流使用她丈夫的伟大发明。

The queue for the one and only toilet in the country stretched the entire length of the British Isles. As soon as you had gone, it was sensible to go and join the end of the queue again, as by the time you reached the front you would most likely need to go again. Now, everyone is expected to queue. However, there once was a man who refused to queue. Terry Tetch. If he saw a queue for anything, even a queue of one person (which isn't really a queue until you join it), he would have an EXTREME REACTION. His red hair would stand on END. His legs would SHAKE. His glasses would STEAM UP. His nostrils would FLARE. And his ears would FLAP SO much you might think he was going to TAKE OFF.

为了这个国家唯一的厕所，人们排起了长长的队伍，队伍长度相当于整个不列颠群岛。 一旦你走了，再去排队是明智的，因为当你到达最前面的时候，你很可能需要再去一次。 现在，每个人都要排队。 然而，曾经有一个人拒绝排队。 特里Tetch。如果他看到任何东西都在排队，即使是一个人的队列（除非你加入，否则这不是真正的队列），他会有极端的反应。 他的红头发会竖起来。 他的腿会颤抖。他的眼镜会冒蒸汽。 他的鼻孔会张开。他的耳朵不停地拍打，你可能会觉得他要起飞了。

Terry always embarrassed his two sons, Ted and Todd, by coming up with the most extraordinary excuses for why he should never queue. If there was a long line at their local burger chain, Terry would tell the server, "I've been lost at sea! I haven't eaten anything for three years except seagull poop. Please, please. I beg you! Let me get my chicken nuggets, chips and chocolate milkshake first!" Everyone in the line would give the trio dirty looks as Terry dragged the twins to the front. When there was a crocodile of people waiting to enter the football stadium, Terry would shout, "I am England's new star striker! I know I am old and a bit podgy, but I am playing today! Let me through!" Todd and Ted's faces would blush BRIGHT RED as their father elbowed his way to the front.

特里总是为自己从不排队的原因想出各种奇怪的借口，让他的两个儿子泰德和托德感到尴尬。 如果在他们当地的汉堡连锁店有很长的队伍，特里会告诉服务员，“我在海上迷路了！我已经三年没吃过任何东西了，除了海鸥屎。 请,请。我求你了！让我先拿我的鸡块、薯片和巧克力奶昔！”当特里把这对双胞胎拖到前面时，队伍里的每个人都向这三人投去厌恶的目光。 当一大群人等着进入足球场时，特里会大喊：“我是英格兰队的新明星前锋！”我知道我老了，有点胖，但我今天要玩！让我过去！”当他们的父亲挤到前面时，托德和泰德的脸会涨得通红。

Worst of all was when Terry was faced with a really long queue to get on the bus. "Let me through!" he shouted, pulling the twins along, and barging people out of the way. "This bus isn't going anywhere without me!" "How is that so?" called out an elderly lady struggling with her shopping trolley. "Because I have to sit at the back and pedal!" Todd and Ted wished the ground would swallow them up! The twin brothers were turning ten, so their father asked them what they would like to do as a special birthday treat. "I promise to take you anywhere you like!" he said. "Just name it! Anywhere at all!" The twins looked at each other, and then both said in unison... "Loopyland!"

最糟糕的是，特里面临着上公共汽车要排很长的队。 “让我过去！”他喊道，一边拉着双胞胎，一边把挡道的人推开。 “没有我，这车哪儿也去不了！”“这是怎么回事？”一位吃力地推着购物车的老太太喊道。 “因为我得坐在后面踩踏板！”托德和泰德真希望地面能把他们吞下去！这对双胞胎兄弟快十岁了，所以他们的父亲问他们想做什么作为一个特别的生日礼物。 “我保证带你去任何你喜欢的地方！”他说。 “说吧！”任何地方都可以！”双胞胎互相看了看，然后异口同声地说…… “Loopyland !”