7 Vain Valentine

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Vain VALENTINE VALENTINE WAS HANDSOME, and boy did he know it! He was so vain he couldn't walk past a mirror without checking his reflection in it. One time. some boys at his school came into the toilets and caught Valentine kissing himself in the mirror.

Valentine believed that because he was handsome he should be famous too. He had No talents of any kind but, like a lot of famous people, he wasn't going to let that hold him back. The boy annoyed everyone by acting as if he were famous, strutting around the school wearing sunglasses. He never took them off, even when it was dark, and spent all day bumping into things as he couldn't see where he was going. BOOF! "Ouch!" If a teacher handed him a detention slip, he would assume they were asking for his autograph, scribble on it and hand it back to them. "Have that framed! Instant heirloom!" Valentine would refuse to take part in sports in case a stray ball bashed into his perfect face. "Sorry, guys! My face is my fortune! If I looked like you, I would be broke!"

Once, he developed a big red spot on the end of his nose, and was so horrified he didn't come into school for a whole term. "NOOOOOOOOOO! I thought I was FLAWLESS! ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS!" Valentine didn't have time for friends. Instead he spent the whole of break-time and lunchtime taking SELFIES. CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! At last count, he had 895,731 pictures of himself on his phone. During any downtime, he would scroll through these, admiring himself. "That's a great shot of me. Another great shot of me. Wow, yet another great shot of me. Why didn't anyone tell me I am SOOOOOOO handsome?"

Valentine would claim that Valentine's Day was named after him. He would send hundreds of Valentine's cards to himself, which he would open during lessons to try to impress everybody. "Oh no, this is embarrassing! Yet another card professing undying love for little old me!" The girls in his school would never send him a card. He might have been good-looking, but his personality made him repulsive. Valentine really was one of the world's worst children.

One day, Valentine had what he thought was a brilliant idea. An idea he was sure would propel him to stardom, SUPERSTARDOM or even MEGASTARDOM. He would enter the record books by setting a new world record for the biggest game of kiss chase ever. Valentine would be the only boy, and there would be hundreds of girls pursuing him, desperate for a kiss. Just the thought of it made him smirk the smirkiest smirk that had ever been smirked. But he couldn't do it alone, so Valentine put up hundreds of posters with his face on them all around the school. GIRLS, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE OF A LIFETIME TO KISS THE HANDSOMEST BOY IN THE SCHOOL, IF NOT THE WORLD: VALENTINE. (OF COURSE.) MEET ME IN THE SCHOOL PLAYGROUND ON FRIDAY AT 4PM FOR THE WORLD'S BIGGEST GAME OF KISS CHASE. PRETTY GIRLS ONLY, PLEASE.