1 Humbert the Hungry Baby

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HUMBERT the Hungry Baby "OH MY!" EXCLAIMED the midwife when she delivered the baby. It was the biggest tot the lady had ever seen in her many years of delivering them. He plopped on to the floor of the hospital like a beached whale. "Oh my word!" cried the father.

How had this Skinny bean of a man helped create such a ginormous baby? "Is he beautiful?" asked the baby's anxious mother. She couldn't see her newborn child from where she was lying on the bed. "Well, you know they say "big is beautiful'," replied the father. "Yes?" "He is definitely big." "How big Exactly?"

"Just let me weigh him for you, missus!" called out the midwife. With great effort, she hauled this monster baby on to the scales, which immediately broke under his weight. TWANG!

"How much does my darling boy weigh?" asked Mother. The midwife studied the boy. "I would say no more than a baby hippopotamus." "I need to see him!" pleaded Mother. The midwife had to enlist the boy's father to heave the infant up on to his mother's chest. "OOF!" The poor woman was squashed. Her face went bright purple and her eyes bulged. It looked as if they might pop out of her head. "I CAN'T BREATHE!" she mouthed.