9 Earnest Ernest

Earnest ERNEST EARNEST ERNEST HAD MADE IT to twelve years old without once cracking a smile. The boy loved to be deadly serious all of the time. He was far too pompous to involve himself in anything that might be considered 'FUN'. Joy and laughter were strangers to him. He never watched cartoons or played games or went to birthday parties.

欧内斯特·欧内斯特12岁时从未笑过一次。 这个男孩喜欢一直非常严肃。 他太自负了，不愿参与任何可能被认为是“有趣”的事情。 欢乐和笑声对他来说是陌生的。 他从不看动画片，不玩游戏，也不参加生日聚会。

The other children in school would try to include him, but the boy chose to spend all his time alone, immersed in some incredibly boring hobbies. Ernest had an unrivalled collection of pencil-sharpenings and on weekends he would photograph traffic lights, then stick the pictures in a series of scrapbooks labelled Traffic Lights 1-217. However, Ernest's most favourite hobby of all was a guessing game of his own invention, where he would attempt to deduce what types of metal various objects were made of. "Mother, I do believe that said toaster has been manufactured from the metal steel," declared the boy one morning, as he sat in the kitchen with his long-suffering mother. Ernest's clothes were like a uniform. He always wore the same grey lace-up shoes, grey trousers and grey shirt buttoned right up to the collar.

学校里的其他孩子试图接纳他，但这个男孩选择独自度过他所有的时间，沉浸在一些令人难以置信的无聊爱好中。 欧内斯特收集了大量的铅笔，周末他会给交通灯拍照，然后把照片贴在一系列贴有交通灯1-217标签的剪贴簿里。 然而，欧内斯特最喜欢的爱好是他自己发明的一个猜谜游戏，在这个游戏中，他会试图推断出各种物体是由什么类型的金属制成的。 “妈妈，我相信你说的烤面包机是用金属钢铁制造的，”一天早上，男孩和他长期受苦的母亲坐在厨房里说。 欧内斯特的衣服就像制服一样。 他总是穿着同样的灰色系带鞋、灰色裤子和灰色衬衫，扣子一直扣到领口。

In contrast to Earnest Ernest, his mother was a jolly soul. A large lively lady who wore brightly-coloured clothes with loud flowery patterns. However, her face was increasingly lined with worry about the fact that her son had never laughed or even smiled. Dutifully she picked up the toaster, and studied the engraving on its underside. "Correct AGAIN, Ernest!" she muttered with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

与欧内斯特相反，他的母亲是个快活的人。 一位身材高大、活泼的女士，穿着色彩鲜艳的衣服，上面有醒目的花朵图案。 然而，她脸上的皱纹越来越多，因为她的儿子从来没有笑过，甚至没有笑过。 她尽职地拿起烤面包机，仔细研究了它背面的雕刻。 “又说对了，欧内斯特！”她尽可能鼓起热情嘟囔着。

"Now, Mother, let us move on to said toilet-roll holder. I do believe it has been manufactured from the metal aluminium." "Correct again, Ernest! What a splendid game this is. I never tire of it," she lied. Then Mother plucked up the courage to ask a question. "Ernest, I was wondering if you might want to go and do something FUN today." "FUN?" Ernest exclaimed. "Mother, what is this 'FUN' that you speak of?' "Well, you know... amusement." "Amusement?" "Yes. FUN could be anything, like... going to the zoo. Watching the orang-utans playing together can be very amusing," replied the woman. "I hardly think so, Mother," stated the boy coldly. "Said orang-utans are merely apes that are orange. What on earth is 'amusing' about that?"

“现在，妈妈，让我们来看看厕纸架。 我相信它是用金属铝制造的。” “又对了，欧内斯特！”这是多么精彩的比赛啊。 我从不厌倦，”她撒了个谎。 然后母亲鼓起勇气问了一个问题。 “欧内斯特，我想知道你今天是否想去做一些有趣的事情。” “有趣?”欧内斯特喊道。“妈妈，你说的‘乐趣’是什么？”“嗯，你知道…… 娱乐。”“娱乐?”“是的。 乐趣可以是任何东西，比如…… 去动物园。看猩猩在一起玩耍是非常有趣的，”女人回答说。 “我不这么认为，妈妈，”男孩冷冷地说。 说猩猩只是一种橙色的猿类。 这到底有什么‘好笑’的？”

His mother sighed and tried again. "Then we could go to the fairground. It's always funny looking at yourself in a hall of mirrors." "Mother, why on earth would that be..." Ernest could barely bring himself to say the word, ...FUNNY?" "Well..." It wasn't easy to describe such a thing to someone with absolutely no sense of humour. "Well, you look in one mirror and you are tall and thin!" The boy was unmoved. "Pray continue, Mother..." "And then you... erm..." Ernest stared at his mother, his lip curling in disdain. "...you look in the next mirror and, would you believe it, you are short and fat! Ha ha ha!"

母亲叹了口气，又试了一次。 “然后我们可以去游乐场。 在满是镜子的大厅里看着自己总是很有趣的。” “妈妈，这到底是为什么……” 欧内斯特几乎说不出这个词，“有趣？”“嗯……” 向一个完全没有幽默感的人描述这样的事情并不容易。 “嗯，你照一面镜子，你又高又瘦！”男孩不为所动。 “请继续说，妈妈……” “然后你……嗯…”欧内斯特盯着母亲，轻蔑地撇着嘴。 “…你看着旁边的镜子，你相信吗，你又矮又胖！哈哈哈！”