8 Windy Mindy

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Windy MINDY ONCE UPON A TIME there was a little girl who was known as windy mindy. Way back when she was a baby, Mindy discovered she had the most awful talent for breaking wind. Bubble bombs, thurps, TOILET TUNES, putt-putts, LINDER-BURPS, trouser toots. BLURTS, bench-warmers, LITTLE TOMMY SQUEAKERS, HONKERS, bottom yodels, call them what you will, Mindy would delight in letting them rip.

The little girl was so good at trumping, she could compete in it for her country.* Mindy's wind took on many different shapes and sizes. The little girl could do SILENT ones, LOUD ones, DEAFENING ones, long ones, SHORT ones, ones that went rat-tat-tat like a machine gun and even explosive ones. Mindy's was a talent that appalled everyone unfortunate enough to be near her. But the little girl was full of mischief and absolutely loved the chaos her wind caused. There would be STAMPEDES in supermarkets, CHARGES in churches and PANDEMONIUM in patisseries. People would often be trampled underfoot as they tried to escape the smell.

Mindy would deliberately fill herself up with food she knew would make her bottom burp. She would devour all of the following in gigantic quantities: Baked beans Prune juice Dried figs Porridge Brown sauce Sherbert Turnips Mushy peas Sweetcorn Curried eggs Fizzy pop Beetroot Cabbage Lentil soup Radishes Cauliflower cheese Bananas (which have turned black) Raw onions Brussels sprouts Stuffing

At school the teachers would often send Mindy out of lessons for her 'outbursts'. Mindy would claim it was an accident, but the truth was she did it on purpose. Every single time. Either the noise would be so disruptive, or the smell so overpowering; that the classroom had to be evacuated. Then off Mindy would be sent to the headmistress's office, where she would be given a stern ticking-off. "Mindy, I am extremely disappointed in you," announced the headmistress on the particular morning that our story begins. The lady kept the door of her office open as a precaution, just in case the little girl let another one go. "Sorry, Headmistress," said Mindy with a smirk. "This is the twelfth time this week a teacher has sent you to my office. And it's only Tuesday." "I said sorry!"

"Sorry isn't good enough! Today Miss Prism had to send you out of her maths lesson for making 'a nois? like thunder'. Yesterday your poor history teacher, Miss Ping, actually fainted in the classroom at the pong and had to be taken to the sickbay." "I think Ping did the pong," suggested Mindy with another smirk. "It's Miss Ping and, for your information, in the twenty years she has worked at this school I have never known the fragrant Miss Ping to make a pong. Now what do you have to say for yourself?" An evil thought shot across the girl's mind. came a sound. There was a short delay as the pongtastic aroma floated across the room. Finally the dark and dirty SMELL snaked its way up the headmistress's nostrils. The lady hastily covered her mouth and nose with her handkerchief.