5 Peter Picker

PETER Picker SOME CHILDREN LIKE to blow their nose; some like to pick. Peter was a picker. The boy always had a finger up his nose. Sometimes two. One in each nostril. The buried treasure he was searching for was of purest green: SNOT.

有些孩子喜欢擤鼻子；有些人喜欢采摘。 彼得是一个采摘者。这个男孩总是爱指手画脚。 有时两个。每个鼻孔各一个。 他正在寻找的宝藏是最纯净的绿色：SNOT。

Although he was short for his age, Peter Picker could pick an extensive and seemingly endless supply of it. Runny snot. Gloopy snot. Hard snot. Snot balls. Snot icicles. Snot stalactites. Snot stalagmites. He was the lord of all that was green and Slimy. After picking, the boy would give his latest morsel of snot a quick inspection, and then add it to his BALL of BOGEYS. He had read in a book of world records that the biggest ever bogey recorded was produced by a rather hefty German girl named Fraulein Schleim. Hers was the size of a Cannonball, and weighed as much as a medium-sized pig.* *Although only twelve, Fräulein Schleim already had a number of unsavoury world records to her name. The girl had produced the world's biggest block of EARWAX, which was the size of a tub of ice cream. Next she was responsible for the world's largest shower of DANDRUFF, managing to completely cover a football pitch just by untying her pigtails. The world record Fräulein Schleim was proudest of, however, was the one for the smelliest FOOT CHEESE. When she took off her steel-toe-capped boots, the stench flattened every tree within a ten-mile radius.

虽然彼得·皮克的个子相对于他的年龄来说比较矮，但他可以挑选大量的、似乎无穷无尽的食物。 流鼻涕水。粘糊糊的鼻涕。艰难的鼻涕。 鼻涕球。鼻涕冰柱。鼻涕钟乳石。 鼻涕石笋。他是所有绿色和粘液的领主。 摘完后，小男孩会快速地检查一下最新的一口鼻涕，然后把它加到他的球里。 他在一本世界纪录书上读到，有史以来最大的柏忌是由一个名叫施莱姆小姐的德国姑娘创造的。 她的身体有一颗炮弹那么大，体重和一头中等大小的猪差不多。* *虽然只有12岁，Fräulein施莱姆已经创造了许多不光彩的世界纪录。 这个女孩制作了世界上最大的一块耳垢，有一桶冰淇淋那么大。 接下来，她又制造了世界上最大的头皮屑，仅仅解开她的小辫就把整个足球场都盖上了。 然而，史莱姆最引以为豪的世界纪录Fräulein是“最臭的脚奶酪”。 当她脱下带钢头的靴子时，方圆十英里内的每棵树都被臭气熏倒了。

Propelled by the idea that he too could earn a place in The Book of World Records, Peter Picker set about attempting to smash his rival's effort. He was determined to produce the bogey to end all bogeys -a GARGANTUAN ball of snot. He had started with just one ordinary, medium -sized bogey. However, once he had stuck bogey after bogey to it, it became a super-bogey. Then a MEGA-BOGEY. Finally it progressed to being an ULTRA-BOGEY. Now, every time the boy picked his nose (which was at least once every few seconds), he added to it. When Peter started, it was just the size of a pea. But with each new green globule it grew. Soon it was the size of a conker, then a melon, then a football, then a snowman. The boy became so focused on entering the record books that he often bunked off school so he could spend all day picking his nose.

彼得·皮克尔认为自己也能在《世界纪录大全》上占有一席之地，于是他开始尝试打破对手的纪录。 他下定决心要制造出一个柏忌来结束所有的柏忌——一个巨大的鼻涕球。 他一开始只是打了一个普通的、中等大小的柏忌。 然而，一旦他接二连三地吞下柏忌，它就变成了一个超级柏忌。 然后是一个巨型怪物。最后，它发展成为一个超级怪物。 现在，男孩每挖一次鼻子（至少每隔几秒钟挖一次），他就会增加一次。 彼得刚开始的时候，它只有豌豆那么大。 但随着每一个新的绿色球体的生长。 很快，它就变成了果粒那么大，然后变成了甜瓜，然后变成了足球，最后变成了雪人。 这个男孩变得如此专注于进入记录册，以至于他经常逃学，这样他就可以整天挖鼻孔。

At first Peter was able to carry this ball of snot around with him. When it became too big and heavy, the boy simply rolled it along the street. However, one morning on the way to school, Peter had accidentally run over his neighbour's cat, Ginger, and the poor creature had become embedded in the snot ball. "MEOW!!!" The bogey was so sticky Peter had to shave the cat's hair off to remove it. "MMMEEEOOOWWW!!!" Now the boy kept the sphere of snot safe in his bedroom. By the time of this story, the sphere of snot (or SNOT-SPHERE for short) was the size of an asteroid. It looked like it had come from outer space too. A kaleidoscope of greens. Light green. Dark green. Green green. Not-so-green green.

起初，彼得还能随身带着这个鼻涕球。 当它变得又大又沉时，男孩只是沿街滚动着它。 然而，一天早上，在上学的路上，彼得不小心碾过了邻居的猫金格，可怜的金格被埋在了鼻涕球里。 “喵呜! !”那只猫黏糊糊的，彼得不得不把它的毛剃掉。 “MMMEEEOOOWWW ! !”现在男孩把鼻涕球安全地放在他的卧室里。 在这个故事发生的时候，鼻涕球（或简称鼻涕球）已经有小行星那么大了。 它看起来也像是来自外太空。 绿色的万花筒。亮绿色。 深绿色。绿绿。Not-so-green绿色。

But, with new bogeys being picked, licked and flicked on to it by the minute, Peter's SNOT-SPHERE was becoming too big even for his bedroom. The boy's bed and wardrobe were crushed by the size and weight of this truly evil-looking ULTRA-BOGEY. One morning, while rooting around in his nostril, Peter found a particularly large booger. Without a second thought he wiped it on the SNOT-SPHERE, but this was one final piece too many, and the boy heard a buckling sound. TWANG! It was the floorboards creaking under the enormous weight of the ULTRA-BOGEY. Peter raced out of his room and downstairs to the kitchen. Looking up at the ceiling, he saw cracks shooting across it. Then, before Peter could pick his nose again, the SNOT-SPHERE crashed down through the ceiling and landed next to him.

但是，随着每一分钟都有新的狗被挑选、舔舐和弹到它上面，彼得的雪球变得太大了，甚至连他的卧室都装不下。 男孩的床和衣柜被这个看起来非常邪恶的超级怪物的大小和重量压垮了。 一天早上，彼得在鼻孔里翻找的时候，发现了一个特别大的鼻屎。 他毫不犹豫地在雪球上擦了擦，但这是最后一块，太多了，男孩听到了一种弯曲的声音。 砰然一声!那是地板在“超级怪物”的巨大重量下吱吱作响。 彼得冲出房间，跑到楼下的厨房。 他抬头看了看天花板，发现上面有许多裂缝。 彼得还没来得及挖鼻孔，鼻涕球就从天花板上摔了下来，落在他身边。