5 TOTALLY UNCOOL

CHAPTER 5 TOTALLY UNCOOL The lunch line was empty by the time Alexander got to the cafeteria. He read the menu as he grabbed his tray. Alexander smelled a sharp, stinky odor. Ugh! What are they putting in those PBJs? he thought as he reached into the milk cooler.

第五章完全不酷当亚历山大到达自助餐厅时，排队吃午饭的人已经没有了。 他一边拿起托盘，一边看菜单。 亚历山大闻到一股刺鼻的臭味。 啊!他们在pbj里放了什么？ 他一边想，一边把手伸进牛奶冷却器。

But instead of a milk carton, he had grabbed an ear. "Eep!" A frightened janitor stood up. "Mr. Hoarsely!" said Alexander. Besides being the janitor, Mr. Hoarsely was the school nurse, secretary, gym coach, and bus driver. He was also a former S.S.M.P. member. And he seemed to be the only grown-up who could see monsters. "Oh! Alexander," said Mr. Hoarsely. He was holding a damp sponge. "I thought the m-m-m- monster had come back!"

但他抓的不是牛奶盒，而是一只耳朵。 “燃灯!”一个惊恐的看门人站了起来。 “沙哑先生！”亚历山大说。 除了看门人，他还是学校的护士、秘书、健身教练和公共汽车司机。 他也是前社会党议员 成员。他似乎是唯一一个能看到怪物的成年人。 “哦!亚历山大，”沙哑先生说。 他手里拿着一块湿海绵。 “我还以为————————怪物回来了呢！”

"Monster?" asked Alexander. "The monster who did this!" whispered Mr. Hoarsely. He pointed to a gash on the cooler. "Late last night, something tore into this cooler and stole all the spoiled milk nine hundred eighty- four cartons!" Alexander frowned, thinking of the hole in the caboose. But that hole was roundish. This gash was jagged. It's like the thief used a giant can opener, thought Alexander. "The milk-thief sloshed sour milk all over the place!" Mr. Hoarsely continued. "And this smell is impossible to scrub out!" "Yeesh," said Alexander. "Good luck."

“怪物？”亚历山大问。 “干这事的怪物！”沙哑先生低声说。 他指着冷却器上的一个口子。 “昨晚很晚的时候，有什么东西撬开了这个冷藏箱，偷走了所有变质的牛奶——九百八十四盒！”亚历山大皱起眉头，想起了车尾的那个洞。 但那个洞是圆的。 这个伤口参差不齐。这就像小偷用了一个巨大的开罐器，亚历山大想。 “偷牛奶的贼把酸牛奶洒得到处都是！”沙哑先生接着说。 “而且这种味道是洗不掉的！”“是的，”亚历山大说。 “祝你好运”。

He left the lunch line and found his friends at a table. "Salamander!" said Rip. "Welcome to the stink- a-teria!" "Guess what, guys!" said Alexander. "I heard the caboose-crasher's honk again!" "Us, too!" said Dottie. "Earlier this morning." "Did you see the monster, Salamander?" asked Nikki. "Is that why you're late?" "No," said Alexander. "My new teacher kept me past the bell." "Yikes," Rip said, taking a bite of his sandwich. "So who'd you get?" "Principal Vanderpants," said Alexander. PPPPBTHTHH! Rip sprayed PPJ all over the table. "Vanderpants!?" he said.

他离开排队买午餐的队伍，发现他的朋友们坐在一张桌子旁。 “火蜥蜴！”瑞普说。“欢迎来到臭地方！”“猜猜怎么着，伙计们！”亚历山大说。 “我又听到撞尾车的喇叭声了！”“我们也是！”多蒂说。 “今天早上早些时候。”“你看到那个怪物了吗，蝾螈？”尼基问。 “这就是你迟到的原因吗？”“不，”亚历山大说。 “我的新老师让我过了下课铃。” “哎呀，”里普说着，咬了一口三明治。 “那你得到了谁？”“范德培斯校长，”亚历山大说。 PPPPBTHTHH !瑞普把PPJ喷了一桌子。 “范德帕斯！？”他说。

"Yup just her and me," said Alexander. "Who did you guys get?" "I'm in Mrs. Clambert's class," said Dottie. "Rip and I got Mrs. Felix," said Nikki. "So," said Rip. "What's Vanderpants like as a teacher?" "Strict," said Alexander. "And strange. She has this white bucket..." He turned to Nikki. "Didn't you see it in her office before?" "Yeah," said Nikki. "She kept lugging it around last Friday. Pretty wacko." "Alright enough about our principal," said Dottie, grinning. "Look what I brought!" She took a pink cupcake from her lunchbox. "My party's not until tomorrow, but I thought we could sneak a taste!" She divided the cupcake into quarters. Three seconds later, it was gone.

“是的，只有她和我，”亚历山大说。 “你们找到了谁？”“我在克兰伯特夫人的班上，”多蒂说。 “里普和我找到了菲利克斯太太，”尼基说。 “是啊，”瑞普说。“范德培斯是个什么样的老师？”“严格。”亚历山大说。 ”和奇怪。她有一个白色的桶……” 他转向妮基。“你以前没在她办公室里见过吗？”“是的，”妮基说。 “上周五，她一直带着它到处走。 漂亮的疯子。”“好了，别说我们校长了。”多蒂咧嘴笑着说。 “看我带来了什么！”她从午餐盒里拿出一个粉红色的纸杯蛋糕。 “我的派对明天才开始，但我想我们可以偷偷尝一下！”她把小蛋糕分成四份。 三秒钟后，它消失了。

"Mmm!" said Nikki. "Strawberry's my favorite!" "Yum!" said Rip, brushing a crumb from his cheek. "Too bad we can't, uh—" He paused, and began scratching his ears. "Are you all right, Rip?" Alexander asked. "My ears are itching like crazy!" he said. He scratched faster. "Are you allergic to strawberries?" asked Nikki. "No way! I eat them all the time," said Rip. "Are my ears red?" Dottie took a look. "Uh," she said. "They're actually turning... blue!" Alexander stood up. "Come on, Rip. Let's get Nurse Hoarsely." "Fine, Salamander," said Rip. "Just don't let me miss recess I have a perfect attendance record!"

“嗯！”妮基说。“草莓是我的最爱！”“太好吃了！”瑞普一边说，一边掸掉脸颊上的面包屑。 “可惜我们不能，嗯——”他停顿了一下，开始搔耳朵。 “你没事吧，里普？”亚历山大问。 “我的耳朵痒得要命！”他说。 他抓得更快了。“你对草莓过敏吗？”尼基问。 “不可能!我一直在吃它们，”瑞普说。 “我的耳朵是红的吗？”多蒂看了看。 “呃，”她说。“他们实际上正在转向…… 蓝!”亚历山大站了起来。 “来吧，瑞普。我们去找沙哑护士吧。” “很好，蝾螈。”瑞普说。 “别让我错过课间休息，我的出勤记录很好！”