2 Beauty and the Beastly

CHAPTER TWO BEAUTY AND THE BEASTLY Mad science isn't just messy. Mad science isn't always pretty, either. There's nothing pretty about a hamburger that makes its own ketchup. Especially when you bite into it. And nobody ever called Franny's Totally Circular Wiener Dog pretty. The word most people would use is "disturbing."

Still, Mom liked the wiener dog better than when Franny invented a spray-on Halloween costume that made Franny completely break out in giant warts. "It's so much faster than putting on a costume," Franny explained.

Mom had to admit that it was really fast, but when Franny decided she didn't want to wash the warts off, her mom felt like she had to talk to her about it.

"You know why nobody ever wants to pet Igor, right?" her mom asked her, wiping off her warts. Igor was Franny's lab assistant. He wasn't a pure Lab. He was also part poodle, part Chihuahua, part beagle, part spaniel, part shepherd, and part some kind of weaselly thing that wasn't even exactly a dog. "It's because of the way Igor looks," Mom continued. "What's wrong with how he looks?" Franny asked. Mom stammered, "Well, he's kind of... I mean... Igor's not going to win any beauty contests, Franny. "And wouldn't you like it if he was, you know, a better-looking dog?" Igor tried to look better looking.

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Franny had never noticed anything wrong with Igor's looks. "Mom, Igor is beautiful! He doesn't need to win any contests for me to see that. And look at his adorable puppy-dog eyes." Franny giggled. Franny held Igor up, and he fluttered his eyelashes at her mom. "Okay, okay," she said. "Put him down.