2. Bugged

Chapter 2 Bugged Marvin Redpost lived in a two-story gray house. There was a fence around the house. The fence was all white except for one red post next to the gate. Marvin tapped the red post as he walked through the gate. He stopped outside the front door. He tried kissing his elbow again. "What are you doing, Mar?" asked Jacob, coming home behind him. Jacob was Marvin's older brother. Marvin froze. "Uh …" he said. He looked at his bent arm. "I'm practicing karate." "Cool," said Jacob.

They walked inside together. Marvin admired his older brother. Jacob was cool. There was no way Jacob would ever try to kiss his elbow. Marvin also had a little sister named Linzy. Linzy was four. "I got a sticker," Linzy said. "Good," said Marvin. He set down his books on the kitchen counter. "You can't have it," said Linzy. "I don't want it," Marvin assured her. "I'm telling!" Linzy snapped. "What?" asked Marvin. "Mommy!" Linzy shouted. Their mother came into the kitchen. "Marvin said he didn't like my sticker!" said Linzy. "He said it was a stupid sticker!" "I never said that," said Marvin. "Linzy earned that sticker in gymnastics," Mrs. Redpost said proudly. "That's good, Linzy," said Marvin. "Watch," said Linzy.

Marvin watched his sister do a somersault in the hall. "That's great, Linzy!" he told her. He meant it, too. Marvin couldn't do a somersault. He just thought girls were better at somersaults than boys. Just before going to bed, Marvin tried to kiss his elbow one more time. He'd been trying all evening. Between homework problems. Before and after he brushed his teeth. While feeding General Jackson. General Jackson was his pet lizard. The General lived in a glass cage next to Marvin's desk. "This is stupid," Marvin told General Jackson. "Even if I could kiss my elbow, nothing would happen." General Jackson stuck out his tongue. Marvin was wearing Ninja Turtle pajamas. He liked being a boy. He was glad he was a boy! Girls were stupid and weird. One thing for sure. He did not want to turn into a girl! At least not forever. Maybe it would be okay for a few minutes. Just to see what it was like.

But you can't turn into a girl just by kissing your elbow, he thought. That was stupid. Casey Happleton was stupid. Why would anyone want to turn into a girl if girls were always saying stupid things like that? He tried kissing his elbow again. It just bugged him that he couldn't do it. It was twelve o'clock. Midnight. Marvin lay asleep, all twisted and tangled in his sheets. He was hugging his pillow. A full moon shone through the window. He rolled over. Then he flopped back the other way. As he rolled and flopped around in his bed, he got more and more tangled in his sheets. Then, still hugging his pillow, he rolled right off the edge of the bed. But he never hit the floor. He was so tangled that the sheets held him up. "Huh-wha?" he said. He found himself hanging upside down. All wrapped up like a mummy. He tried to get back onto the bed. jmkfho. He pulled a sheet.

Suddenly his elbow was jerked almost to his mouth. Then it bounced back. He tugged the sheet again. Again his elbow jerked to his mouth. He pulled, then kept on pulling, harder and harder. His elbow moved closer and closer. It felt like his arm was breaking. He stretched out his lips. It felt like his shoulder was about to pop out. He gave it one hard yank! The sheet pulled out from under the mattress. He fell to the floor.

But as his head hit the carpet, he kissed himself on the elbow.