21. You Can't Have Your Cape and Edith, Too

CHAPTER 21 YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAPE AND EDITH, TOO As anybody will tell you, no superhero is complete without a cape. I mean, without a cape, a superhero is just a guy wearing fancy underwear (or in this case, not-so-fancy underwear). But Captain Underpants knew what had to be done. He reached up with his free hand and courageously untied his cape, valiantly sacrificing his aesthetic integrity to save the life of a mere mortal being.

Captain Underpants and Miss Anthrope were now free, but they weren't safe yet. The Bionic Booger Boy swung at our hero with all his might. Captain Underpants weaved around Melvin's frantic, flying, phlegm-flingin' fists as he tried to find a safe place to land.

Suddenly, Captain Underpants's 100 percent cotton-powered vision spotted George and Harold miles away. With lightning speed, he flew down to meet the boys. "George and Harold," said Captain Underpants, "you've got to keep this woman safe while I destroy that robotic slimeball!" "OK," said Harold, "but hurry up—here he comes!"

"Wait," cried Miss Anthrope. "I —I didn't get a chance to say thank you." She turned and kissed Captain Underpants all over his face with wet, drooly smooches. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she said between each sloppy kiss.

"Yuck!" said Harold. "I sure hope she doesn't thank us," said George. When Miss Anthrope had finished slobbering all over Captain Underpants's face, she gave him a great big hug for good luck. "Now go get him, tiger," she said coyly. But Captain Underpants didn't move. He just stood there staring blankly into space.

Off in the distance, George and Harold could hear the Bionic Booger Boy approaching. Each thundering footstep brought the horrible beast closer and closer, until at last he stood towering above them, panting heavily, and dripping profanely. Miss Anthrope screamed and ran away.