14. The Unnecessarily Disgusting Chapter

CHAPTER 14 THE UNNECESSARILY DISGUSTING CHAPTER NOTICE: The following chapter is extremely gross. To avoid nausea, projectile vomiting, or other gastrointestinal unpleasantries, please refrain from eating for at least one hour before reading this chapter. (You won't want to eat after reading it, let me assure you.)

All of the fourth graders were cheering and petting Sulu as the classroom door slowly opened. A greenish, glistening behemoth entered the room, filling the air with the sounds of grinding metal gears and wet, gooey, bursting bubbles. Some of the girls screamed. Some of the boys did, too. "You guys are so immature!" said the horrible beast.

At once, the children recognized the terrifying creature that stood before them. "MELVIN?!!?" they cried. "Yes, it's me," gurgled the wet, jiggling monster angrily. His eyes and nose were dripping with warm, greenish, custard-like mucus. His robotic arms were caked with massive globs of crispy, shimmering snot. And as he turned to close the classroom door behind him, part of his hand came off on the doorknob. It oozed slowly down the door, leaving behind a chunky trail of moist excretion.

Melvin squished and sloshed as he jiggled over to his chair. Each gooey footstep coated the floor with a foamy trail of slime, and everything he touched became wet and encrusted with warm, bubbling, syrupy phlegm. When Melvin sat down, generous helpings of greenish, pudding-like goo slowly dribbled down the chair, collecting into creamy, gelatinous puddles beneath him. The puddles

themselves were slightly transparent and speckled with thick, shimmering nose hairs and dark red chunks of coagulated blood, which— "ALRIGHT ALREADY!" yelled George to the narrator. "Enough with the descriptions—you're making us all sick!" "Thank you, George," said Ms. Ribble. "Now, Melvin, why don't you tell us all what happened to you?"

"Well," said Melvin, "I tried to combine myself with a bionic robot last night, but I accidentally sneezed at the last second." "So you got combined with a robot—and boogers?" asked George. "Yeah," said Melvin. "But don't worry, I'm building a Separatron 1000, which will reverse the effects and turn me back into a boy again. It'll just take six months to finish."