9. With Great Power Comes a Great Big Painin the Hiney

CHAPTER 9 WITH GREAT POWER COMES A GREAT BIG PAIN IN THE HINEY Melvin enjoyed being a superhero—at first. It was fun stopping runaway trains, rescuing lost children, and saving people from burning buildings. Whenever anybody needed help, all they had to do was lift their heads to the sky and cry out, "YO! Big Melvin!" And Big Melvin would drop whatever he was doing and zip to the scene and save the day. It was all good, at first... until it started to get bad.

一开始，梅尔文喜欢做一个超级英雄。 阻止失控的火车，拯救走失的孩子，从燃烧的建筑物中救出人们，这些都很有趣。 每当有人需要帮助的时候，他们所要做的就是抬头仰望天空，大声喊一声：“哟！大梅尔文!”大个儿梅尔文就会放下手头的事，迅速赶到现场，扭转局面。 起初一切都很好…… 直到事情开始变糟。

You see, after a while people started to abuse the system. They started crying out "YO! Big Melvin!" all the time, and it got old pretty quickly. Melvin would drop everything, throw on his cape, fly out the window, zip through the city, and arrive at the scene, only to find out that it wasn't an emergency at all. Usually it was just someone who had misplaced her cell phone... or a kid who needed help with a video game cheat code... or some guy who had accidentally dropped his wallet in the toilet.

你看，过了一段时间，人们开始滥用这个制度。 他们开始大喊：“哟！大梅尔文！”，而且很快就过时了。 梅尔文会放下一切，披上斗篷，飞出窗外，穿过城市，到达现场，却发现这根本不是紧急情况。 通常只是有人把手机放错了地方…… 或者一个孩子在电子游戏作弊代码方面需要帮助…… 或者某个不小心把钱包掉到厕所里的人。

It was a complete waste of Melvin's time, and the interruptions were beginning to drive him crazy. But the final straw came one evening as Melvin was doing a synchrotron radiation experiment with his homemade oscillating- field particle accelerator. Eleven months of research were finally about to pay off. The klystrons and electromagnets began to accelerate the hadrons faster and faster through Melvin's homemade copper cyclone tubing. Soon, Melvin would be the first person on Earth to definitively prove the Higgs boson's existence and solve the mystery of everything.

这完全是在浪费梅尔文的时间，这些干扰开始让他发疯。 但是，有一天晚上，当梅尔文用他自制的振荡场粒子加速器做同步辐射实验时，最后一根稻草来了。 十一个月的研究终于有了回报。 速调管和电磁铁开始通过梅尔文自制的铜旋风管加速强子的速度越来越快。 很快，梅尔文将成为地球上第一个明确证明希格斯玻色子存在并解开一切谜团的人。

But then, with his supersonic eardrums, Melvin heard a cry for help from across the city. Quickly, Melvin shut down his experiment, which caused the particle accelerator to overheat. The resulting explosion blew a hole in his bedroom floor forty feet deep. But Melvin didn't care. Somewhere in the city, a citizen needed his help. So he grabbed his smoldering cape from the pile of ashes that used to be his bedroom closet and flew to the scene of the emergency.

但就在这时，梅尔文用他的超音速耳膜听到了来自城市另一边的呼救声。 很快，梅尔文关闭了他的实验，导致粒子加速器过热。 由此产生的爆炸在他卧室的地板上炸出了一个40英尺深的洞。 但梅尔文不在乎。在城市的某个地方，一位市民需要他的帮助。 于是，他从曾经是卧室壁橱的一堆灰烬中抓起冒烟的斗篷，飞向紧急情况现场。

When he arrived, he found a middle- aged woman screaming frantically out her apartment window. "YO! Big Melvin! HELP!!! HELP!!! It's an emergency!!!" "What's wrong?" Melvin asked desperately.

当他到达时，他发现一个中年妇女正从她公寓的窗户外疯狂地尖叫。 “哟!大梅尔文!帮助! !帮助! !这是紧急情况！”“怎么了?”梅尔文绝望地问。

"Do these pants make me look fat?" asked the lady.

“这条裤子让我看起来很胖吗？”女士问。