16. Super-Secret Test Day

CHAPTER 16 SUPER—SECRET TEST DAY The next day when George and Harold arrived at school, Mr. Krupp was OVERJOYED to see them. He met them at the front door, shook their hands enthusiastically, and gave them both big, sweaty hugs. "This can't be good," George said. "You're wrong," said Mr. Krupp. "It's the BEST DAY EVER! It's the day I've been waiting for since I met you two horrible people. Let's all go to my office, shall we? I've got refreshments!"

As they walked down the long hallway toward Mr. Krupp's office, several teachers patted Mr. Krupp on the back and congratulated him. The entire school staff seemed elated. "We're doomed," said Harold.

When they finally got to Mr. Krupp's office, he plopped down into his chair and spun around a few times, giggling with glee. After a few minutes, George started to become impatient. "I thought you said there were going to be refreshments," George said. "NOT FOR YOU!!!" shouted Mr. Krupp angrily, as he slammed his fist on his desk. He opened his drawer, pulled out a warm diet soda, and popped it open. Then he leaned back in his chair and sipped loudly as he chuckled to himself. "I just want to soak this moment in," he said with delight, as fizzy, brown phosphoric acid dribbled down his chins.

"You boys have REALLY messed up this time." Mr. Krupp laughed. "You skipped school on Super-Secret Test Day!" "Super-Secret Test Day?" said Harold. "What does that mean?" "I thought you'd never ask," Mr. Krupp said gleefully. "You see, I've been looking for a way to separate you two kids for years now, but I never figured out how to do it until yesterday. Then it came to me in a flash of inspiration. SUPER-SECRET TEST DAY!" "What's so secret about it?" asked George. "You should be asking, 'What's so SUPER about it?'" said Mr. Krupp joyfully. "Because it just might be the crowning achievement of my entire career!"

George and Harold looked at each other nervously. Suddenly, the door opened and the school's math teacher, Miss Calculator, entered the room. She sneered down at George and Harold and poked her tongue out at them as she walked by. "Here are the figures you asked for," she said, handing Mr. Krupp a large manila envelope. "Thanks, Anita," Mr. Krupp said. He smelled the envelope like he was admiring the aroma of a gourmet meal. "It's a real shame you boys missed school yesterday," Mr. Krupp said. "Your teachers hated to do it, but they had to give you both ZEROES on all of your tests!!!"

"But we studied really hard," said Harold. "Can't we take makeup tests?" "No, no, no, no, no," Mr. Krupp said, grinning evilly from ear to ear. "There will be no makeup tests!" "Don't worry, Harold," said George. "We'll do really good on our final exams this year! We can bring our grades back up." "Final exams have been canceled for this year," said Mr. Krupp cheerfully. "Isn't that wonderful news? You and all your classmates will get seven more weeks of school with no homework, no quizzes, and no studying. Your grades for the whole school year have already been calculated." "Oh, NO," said George. "We're—we're going to flunk the fourth grade?!!?"