16-A REEKING RAT'S NEST

A REEKING RAT'S NEST I spent the next few days in bed. My cousin, on the other paw, felt just fine. He called me from the airport to tell me he was headed off on his vacation. He was going to Club Mouse, a super-popular singles resort. By this time, I felt pretty sorry for myself. So I called Ms. Sweetpaws. She listened to me in silence. Then she coughed. "Mr. Stilton, I'm afraid I only have one place left," she explained. "It's called the Ratty Tatty Hotel. Would you like to hear more?" I told her I would. I really needed a vacation. Plus, how bad could it be? I listened to her description with wide-open ears.

RATTY TATTY HOTEL Location: Catstinko, in the heart of Furball City Daytime Activities: One mile to Rankrat Beach; swim at your own risk Nightlife: Crickets, mosquitoes, and bloodsucking bats Category: Half a cheese triangle out of five cheese triangles. Price: $100 a day per rodent* Please note: The following luxuries must be purchased separately: electricity ($20); toilet paper ($5); running water ($20); room key ($15); courtesy from the staff, including greetings ($25); use of elevator to be booked 24 hours in advance ($25); use of stairs ($5); air ($30).

When Ms. Sweetpaws finished reading, I could barely squeak. Stale Swiss balls! My vacation was turning into a total nightmare! "Oh, yes, I almost forgot one small detail..." Ms. Sweetpaws continued. I giggled. Ms. Sweetpaws must be pulling my paw. Now she'd tell me all about the fabumouse resort she had really found. I couldn't wait to hear about the pool. And the beautiful sunsets. And the king-size bed. But she kept talking about the Ratty Tatty. "You'll have to share the room with another rodent," she explained. "She's very young and very friendly, though." I blinked. It wasn't a joke? There really was a Ratty Tatty Hotel? Half a cheese triangle? A reeking rat's nest? I was shocked. "I have to sh-sh-sh-share a r-r-room," I stuttered,

"with a rodent I've n-n-never m-m-m-met?" Ms. Sweetpaws scolded me. "Mr. Stilton, it's not my fault you've canceled 4 trips!" she squeaked. "This is what's left. Now, if you're interested, you leave tomorrow morning by bus. If not, I have a list of rodents who would love to go!" I accepted. What could I do? It was the RATTY TATTY HOTEL or nothing. Yes, I'd just have to forget about the trips I'd missed out on. Forget the plush resorts. Forget the exciting sights. Forget the all- you-can-eat cheese danish at the pool bar. Sobbing, I packed my suitcase. The next day, I scampered down to the bus station. I climbed aboard a rusty old bus called the DUMP EXPRESS.