4 Ch4-Chicken Klutz

Chapter 4 Chicken Klutz "Mr. Klutz! What are you doing here?" I asked. "Are you the new lunch lady?" asked Andrea. "I'm the lunch, uh, person for today," Mr. Klutz said. "The new lunch lady is Ms. LaGrange. She starts tomorrow."

Mr. Klutz looked funny. He was wear- ing a lunch lady hairnet, which was really weird because he doesn't have any hair at all. His head is like a beach ball. It looked like a beach ball in a net.

Mr. Klutz showed us some- thing new that he installed in the middle of the vomito- rium to help us be quiet— a traffic light on a big pole. When the light is green, he told us, we're allowed to talk. When it's yellow, we can whisper. And when it's red, we have "silent lunch." Usually during lunch everybody is yelling and screaming. You have to scream just to be heard over the other kids who are screaming so they can be heard. And then you have to scream even louder. It just goes on and on. Maybe the

traffic light would help. Mr. Klutz told us he loves to cook at home, and he made all the food himself. Little Miss Perfect Andrea said she and her mother cook together all the time. "We only eat organic food at home," Andrea said. "You eat organs?" I asked. "That's dis- gusting!" There was a chalkboard that listed all the foods Mr. Klutz had made for us: macaroni and cheese... tuna casserole ...meat loaf... "What's that stuff?" I asked, pointing at some mystery meat covered in brown goo.

"That's an old family recipe," said Mr. Klutz. "I call it chicken Klutz." I call it disgusting. But I didn't say that out loud. "The only chicken I eat is chicken nuggets," I said. "Chicken Klutz is real chicken," Mr. Klutz said. "Try it, A.J." "Does it have bones in it?" "Of course!" Mr. Klutz said. "Chickens have bones, just like people." I told Mr. Klutz I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him his chicken looked like somebody threw up on it. I got a carton of chocolate milk and sat at a table with Ryan and Michael.

I opened my backpack and dumped the cookies, chips, candy, pretzels, and other junk food on the table. Everybody got all excited. Even Andrea and her annoying friends turned around so they could witness my awesomely cool lunch, live and in person. "You should eat smarter," Andrea said. "Proper