9 Ch9-Vowel Movements and the Third Degree

Chapter 9 Vowel Movements and the Third Degree I was all mixed up. I was in love with Mrs. Cooney and wanted to grow up and marry her. But what if she was secretly a spy who was selling information to some guy who wanted to take over the world? I was starting to feel sick. I mean really sick. Not fake sick.

"A.J., you don't look good," Miss Daisy said. "Do you need to go to the nurse's office?" "No!" I said. "Not that! I'm fine." "A.J., I want you to go to the nurse's office," Miss Daisy said "Now." So I went to Mrs. Cooney's office. "Hi, A.J.," she said cheerfully. "Feeling a little under the weather?" "No. I feel fine," I said. "Can I go back to class?" "Not so fast."

Oh no. She was going to have me stand on my head or juggle Ping-Pong balls or put her Beanie Babies in ABC order. Or something equally weird. "I want to ask you a few questions," said Mrs. Cooney. "When was your last bowel movement?" Huh? I didn't quite hear what she said. Bowel movement? What's that? I didn't know what a bowel was, so how could I possibly know if it moved? I didn't want Mrs. Cooney to know that I didn't know what a bowel movement was. Maybe she said "vowel movement." That would make more sense. Vowels move all the time. But I didn't know

which vowel she was talking about. "A?" I guessed. "I said when was your last bowel move- ment?" Mrs. Cooney asked. "Y?" I asked. "Why?" said Mrs. Cooney. "Because that will help me know what's wrong with you." I didn't know what vowels had to do with what was wrong with me. "I-O-U," I said. "You owe me what?" Mrs. Cooney asked. "A.J. can you please just answer my questions? What did you have for breakfast today?" That's when it hit me. Mrs. Cooney was

doing what all those cops do with bad guys. She was giving me the third degree. What if I told her some important piece of top secret information? And what if she sold it to that bad guy who wants to take over the world? And what if that guy took over the world? It would be my fault! The fate of the whole world was on my shoulders! I decided that I wasn't going to give Mrs. Cooney any information. I didn't care how beautiful she was. I wouldn't answer any of her questions, even if she shined that head lice light in my eyes. "A.J., did you eat breakfast this

morning?" Mrs. Cooney asked. "That's for me to know and you to find out," I said, crossing my arms in front of me. "I beg your pardon?" Mrs. Cooney said. "I have the right to remain silent," I said "A.J., I only asked you if you ate breakfast." "That's classified information," I replied. "Who wants to know? I want a lawyer." "Don't be silly, A.J." "Are you going to torture me?" I asked. "That's what they do in the movies." "A.J., you're acting very strangely today," Mrs. Cooney said.