2 Ch2-Weird People

Chapter 2 Weird People I grabbed a lunch table in the vomitorium with the guys. Andrea and some of the girls sat at the next table. Michael, who never ties his shoes, put straws in his nostrils and said he was a walrus. Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes, put Tater Tots over his eyeballs. Ryan balanced his lunch box on his head. "Ugh, broccoli!" I said as I opened my lunch bag. "I'm not eating food that looks like a tree."

"I'll eat it," said Ryan, who will eat anything. Ryan even eats stuff that isn't food. He's weird. "I don't want to go to a natural history museum," Michael said. "What a snore!" I told the guys. "I bet they're going to tell us the history of rocks." "Hey, rocks are cool," said Neil the nude kid. "I have a rock collection at home." "You collect rocks?" I asked Neil. "Why collect something that's just lying around on the ground? You might as well collect air." "My uncle collects air," Ryan said. "Whenever he goes on a trip, he brings an empty bottle along. He's got bottles of air from all over the world." "Your uncle is weird," I told Ryan. "One time he couldn't find a bathroom and had to use one of his bottles," Ryan added. "Ew, gross. See? I told you he was weird," I said. That's when Little Miss I-Know-Everything opened her big mouth at the next table. "Natural history isn't just about rocks and air, dumbheads!" she said. "It's about all the objects in nature, like plants and animals." "So is your face," I told Andrea.

Any time anybody says something mean to you, just say "So is your face." That's the first rule of being a kid. I wish some plants and animals would fall on Andrea's head. Like a 400- pound piece of broccoli, and a hippopotamus.