9 Ch9-How to Drive Grown-ups Crazy

Chapter 9 How to Drive Grown-ups Crazy Well, that whole protest thing was a dumb idea. Luckily none of us got killed. We'd have to think up another way to get rid of Dr. Carbles. "Remember how we got rid of Ms. Todd?" Ryan said the next morning while we were putting our backpacks away. Ms. Todd was a substitute teacher at our school. She tried to murder Miss Daisy and take her job, but we caught her. Ms. Todd was odd. "Yeah, we drove her crazy," I said. "Then we have to drive Dr. Carbles crazy," said Michael. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's driving grown-ups crazy. There are lots of ways to do that. One way is to say everything they say right after they say it. That's a good one. Sometimes I ask my parents "Why?" over and over again. It drives them nuts. But it was Neil the nude kid who had the greatest idea in the history of the world. "We should steal Dr. Carbles's toupee!" Neil said. Yeah! Mr. Klutz told us that if anybody ever found out Dr. Carbles was bald, it would drive him crazy! Neil's idea was genius! He should be in the gifted and talented program. The only problem was, how were we going to steal Dr. Carbles's toupee?

好吧，抗议这事真是个愚蠢的主意。 幸运的是我们都没死。 我们得想个别的办法来除掉。 Carbles。“还记得我们是怎么赶走奥巴马夫人的吗? 托德?”第二天早上，当我们把背包收起来的时候，瑞恩说。 托德女士是我们学校的代课老师。 她想谋杀黛西小姐，抢走她的工作，但我们抓住了她。 托德很奇怪。“是的，我们把她逼疯了，”我说。 “那我们就得开车送Dr。 “你疯了。”迈克尔说。 要说我有什么拿手的，那就是把大人逼疯。 有很多方法可以做到这一点。 一种方法是在他们说了什么之后马上说出来。 这是个好主意。有时我一遍又一遍地问我的父母“为什么?” 这让他们抓狂。但那个裸体小孩尼尔才是世界历史上最伟大的想法。 “我们应该偷卡布尔斯医生的假发!”尼尔说。 是啊!克鲁茨先生告诉我们，如果有人发现。 卡伯斯秃顶了，这会让他发疯的!尼尔的主意真是天才!他应该在天才班。 唯一的问题是，我们怎么去偷。 Carbles假发?

"We could sneak into his house in the middle of the night and rip it off his head," suggested Michael. "Nah," Ryan said. "He probably has an electric fence and a moat around his house." "We could rent a giant wind machine and blow it off his head," suggested Michael. "You can rent anything." "Nah," Ryan said. "It costs a lot of money to rent a giant wind machine." That's when I got the greatest idea in the history of the world. "Hey!" I said. "Every day after lunch, Dr. Carbles stands outside and watches us march around the playground, right?" "Yeah," Michael said. "So what?" "Well, he has a fishing pole in his office," I told the guys. "We could hang the fishing pole out the second-floor window and go fishing for toupee!" "You're a genius!" Neil the nude kid told me. I should get the No Bell Prize. That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells. During lunch me and Neil snuck out of the vomitorium. We slinked around the halls like secret agents. Nobody was around. All the teachers must have been eating in the teachers' lounge. I opened the door to Dr. Carbles's office. It was empty. Perfect! I grabbed the fishing pole, and we tore out of there. We ran up the steps to the second floor. I handed Neil the pole and opened a window. We peeked out. Dr. Carbles was right below us, standing there with his bullhorn. The kids were just starting to march out of the vomitorium.

“我们可以在半夜溜进他的房子，把它从他的头上扯下来。”迈克尔建议道。 “不，”瑞恩说。“他的房子周围可能有电栅栏和护城河。” “我们可以租一个巨大的风力机，把它从他的头上吹下来。”迈克尔建议道。 “你可以租任何东西。”“不，”瑞恩说。 “租一台巨大的风力机要花很多钱。” 就在那时，我想到了世界历史上最伟大的主意。 “嘿!”我说。“每天午饭后，我都要去看医生。 Carbles站在外面看着我们在操场上游行，对吗?”“是的，”迈克尔说。 “所以什么?”“嗯，他的办公室里有一根鱼竿，”我告诉他们。 “我们可以把鱼竿挂在二楼的窗户外面，然后去钓假发!”“你真是个天才!”那个裸体小孩尼尔告诉我的。 我应该得诺贝尔奖。 那是他们发给没有铃铛的人的奖品。 午饭时，我和尼尔偷偷溜出了食堂。 我们像特工一样在大厅里鬼鬼祟祟。 周围没有人。所有的老师一定都在教师休息室吃饭。 我打开卡伯斯医生办公室的门。 它是空的。完美!我抓起鱼竿，我们就离开了那里。 我们跑上台阶来到二楼。 我把杆子递给尼尔，打开一扇窗户。 我们往外偷看。卡伯斯医生就在我们下面，拿着扩音器站在那里。 孩子们正准备走出体育馆。

"Left! Right!" Dr. Carbles yelled at the kids. "March, you weasels!" "This is gonna be great!" Neil giggled as he stuck the fishing pole out the window. "He'll go crazy once we steal his toupee." "Okay," I told Neil, "drop the hook now." Neil lowered the line until the hook was hanging right above Dr. Carbles's head. "A little to the left," I told Neil. "Lower!" Neil was having a hard time hooking the toupee. "My arms are getting tired," Neil said. I grabbed the pole. Neil helped me guide the hook. It was not easy! The hook kept blowing around.

“左!没错!”卡伯斯医生对孩子们大喊大叫。 “走开，你们这些黄鼠狼!”“这太棒了!”尼尔一边把鱼竿伸出窗外一边咯咯地笑。 “一旦我们偷了他的假发，他会发疯的。” “好吧，”我告诉尼尔，“现在把钩子放下。” 尼尔把钓索放低，直到鱼钩正好挂在博士的上方。 Carbles的头。“往左一点，”我告诉尼尔。 “低!”尼尔很难把假发挂起来。 “我的胳膊累了，”尼尔说。 我抓住了杆子。尼尔帮我操纵鱼钩。 这可不容易!钩子不停地乱转。

"Any nibbles yet?" Neil asked. "Nope." But right after I said that, I felt a little pull on the line. "Hey, I think I got it!" I started reeling in the toupee, but there was just one problem. It wouldn't come off Dr. Carbles's head! So I pulled harder. "It's a big one!" I told Neil. "It's a fighter!" I kept tugging on the fishing pole, but the toupee just wouldn't budge.

“吃点东西了吗?”尼尔问。 “不。”但就在我说完这句话之后，我感到绳子被拉了一下。 “嘿，我想我找到了!”我开始收假发，但有一个问题。 卡布尔斯博士的脑袋不会掉下来的!所以我更用力地拉。 “好大的一只!”我告诉了尼尔。 “这是架战斗机!”我一直拽着鱼竿，但假发就是不动。

"It must be glued on good!" Neil said. "Maybe they took hair off other parts of his body and planted it on his head," I said. "I saw that on a TV commercial once." "That's disgusting!" said Neil. Suddenly Dr. Carbles grabbed his toupee and looked up at us. "What's the meaning of this he shouted. Uh-oh. I dropped the pole. It fell out the window and almost hit Dr. Carbles on the head. "A.J., report to my office immediately!" he hollered. "Ooooooooooooooh!" went all the kids on the playground. That's it. My life was over. I would have to move to Antarctica and live with the penguins.

“它一定粘得很牢!”尼尔说。 “也许他们从他身体的其他部位取下头发，栽植在他的头上，”我说。 “我曾经在一个电视广告上看到过。” “真恶心!”尼尔说。 突然，卡伯斯医生抓起他的假发，抬头看着我们。 “这是什么意思?” 哦。我把杆子弄掉了。 它从窗户掉了出来，差点砸到医生。 头上的鹅卵石。“aj，马上到我办公室报到!”他喊道。 “呜——呜——呜!”操场上所有的孩子都叫了起来。 就是这样。我的生活结束了。 我将不得不搬到南极洲和企鹅住在一起。