7 Ch7-The Truth About Dr. Carbles

Chapter 7 The Truth About Dr. Carbles Well, I had to admit that Andrea came through for us. Her mother got Mr. Klutz's address, and on Saturday we all piled into her van to go visit him. The van was big enough to hold Andrea, Emily, me, Ryan, Michael, and Neil the nude kid. Andrea's mom needs a big van because she is always taking Andrea and her annoying girly friends to dance lessons and cooking lessons and piano lessons and every other kind of lessons they have. If they gave lessons on how to clip your toenails, Andrea would take them so she could get better at it. I was really surprised when we got to Mr. Klutz's address. I thought he would live in a castle, since he was king of the school. But it was just a regular old house. Ryan rang the doorbell, and a lady came out. "May I help you?" she asked. "I'm Karla Klutz."

Wow! Mr. Klutz never told us he had a wife! I wonder if she knew her husband was going to marry a turkey. "Is Mr. Klutz home?" Andrea's mom asked. "Yes, please come inside." She led us into the living room. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years what we saw in there. It was a half-pipe! Mr. Klutz had a giant half-pipe right in the middle of his living room! Not only that, but he was skateboarding on it! He did a frontside 180 ollie and a handstand fingerflip and a coconut wheelie. He was really good! "Wooooo-hooooooooooooo!" yelled Mr. Klutz. "Watch this!"

He tried to do an inverted nosegrab, but he messed up, and it turned into a spectacular faceplant. "Are you okay?" we all asked as we ran over to help him. "Of course!" he said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" (That's grown-up talk for "What are you doing here?" "We were afraid you'd be depressed," Andrea told him, "so we came to cheer you up." "Me? Depressed?" said Mr. Klutz. "I've never been happier! I don't have to write reports anymore or deal with crazy teachers, pushy parents, or obnoxious kids. Finally, I have time to chase my dream." "What's your dream?" Neil the nude kid asked. "To become a championship skateboarder," Mr. Klutz said. "Cool!" said all the boys. "But you're a great principal!" said Andrea, who never misses the chance to brownnose a grown-up. "We need you back at school." "Dr. Carbles is driving us crazy," Michael said. "Yes, Milton can be a bit hard to deal with," said Mr. Klutz. "Milton?!" I said. "He told me his name was Frank!" "I don't know about that," said Mr. Klutz, "but do you know why he fired me?" "Because you wear diapers?" I asked. "No," Mr. Klutz said. "Milton and I grew up together. He was my rival when we were teenagers. We were the two best skaters on the local skateboarding team. Then one day we got into an argument and I called him Walrus Face. From then on, everybody called him Walrus Face. He's been

out to get me ever since." "That's an insult," I said, "to walruses!" "Hold on," said Andrea. "Dr. Carbles has been out to get you all these years just because you gave him a silly nickname?" "There's more to it than that," Mr. Klutz told us. "Milton was also jealous of me because he went bald at a very young age and I had a full head of hair." "YOU HAD A FULL HEAD OF HAIR?!" we all said at the same time. Mr. Klutz has no hair at all. I mean none. "Did you think I was born this way?" Mr. Klutz asked. Mrs. Klutz brought out a photo album with pictures of Mr. Klutz as a teenager. He had hair down to his shoulders! "That's sad that your hair stopped growing," said Emily. It looked like there were tears in her eyes. What a crybaby!

"Oh, it didn't stop growing," Mr. Klutz told us. "It still grows. Only now it grows out of my ears and nose. I have to trim it every week." Ew, disgusting! I thought I was gonna throw up. "Wait a minute," Andrea said. "Dr. Carbles isn't bald." "Yes he is," said Mr. Klutz. "He wears a toupee. Shhhh! Don't tell him I told you. If people found out he's bald, it would drive him crazy." Andrea's mother said it was time for us to go. Mr. Klutz thanked us for coming. Just before we pulled out of the driveway, Mrs. Klutz came running over to the van. "He's driving me crazy at home!" she said. "You've got to get him back to school!"