5 Ch5-Being Frank

Chapter 5 Being Frank The next morning everybody was wearing the official school uniform. The boys had on light blue shirts, blue pants, and blue ties. The girls had on blue skirts with stripes on them. I looked like a dork. But everybody looked like a dork, so I didn't feel so bad. We were putting our backpacks away when Mrs. Patty's voice came over the loudspeaker. "A.J., please report to Dr. Carbles's office." "Ooooooooooooooh!" everybody went. "A.J. is absent today," I lied. "Get down here, A.J.," said Mrs. Patty. "Ooooooooooooooh!" "You're in trouble, Arlo," said Andrea. Dr. Carbles is going to send you to jail."

What did I do? I mean, I know I did a lot of bad stuff. But not recently. It had been weeks since I wrote in the boys' bathroom that Andrea was a poopy head. Maybe Dr. Carbles was going to torture me in the dungeon on the third floor. Who knew what he might do to me? I decided to take my time getting to Dr. Carbles's office. So I started counting the tiles in the hallway. Did you know that there are 4,324 tiles between Miss Daisy's class and Dr. Carbles's office? I didn't. As I was walking down the hall, a thought popped into my head. Maybe Dr. Carbles was going to give me a candy bar! One time I got in trouble and had to go to Mr. Klutz's office I thought he was going to punish me, but he gave me a candy bar instead. It was the greatest day of my life. Finally I opened the door to Dr. Carbles's office. It looked a lot different from when Mr. Klutz was principal. The cool snowboarding poster was gone. The Foosball table and the punching bag were gone. Do you know what Dr. Carbles had all over his office instead? Fish! There was a fish tank on the windowsill. There was a fishing pole in the corner. Dr. Carbles even had a picture of himself with a giant fish he'd caught. There was even a real fish that was mounted on the wall.

People who like fish that much are weird. "What took you so long?" Dr. Carbles asked. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I had to think fast. "I broke my leg," I lied. "Shake it off!" Dr. Carbles ordered. "Do you think a broken leg would have stopped George Washington when he was crossing the Delaware?" "I guess not," I said. "A.J.," he said more softly, "do you know why I called you in here?" "Because I wrote in the boys' bathroom that Andrea was a poopy head?"

"What?" yelled Dr. Carbles. "You wrote in the boys' bathroom that Andrea was a poopy head?" "Uh, no," I said quickly. "What gave you that idea?" It was weird just hearing a principal say "poopy head." "A.J., can I be Frank?" Dr. Carbles asked. "I don't care what you call yourself," I told him. "I asked you to come here because I need to talk with an average student," he said. "Do you know why I fired Mr. Klutz?" "Because he wanted to marry a turkey?" I guessed. "No, I fired Mr. Klutz because he's incompetent." "He wears diapers?" I asked. "Not incontinent!" Dr. Carbles yelled. "Incompetent! It means he didn't do a good job." "But we all love Mr. Klutz," I said. "A.J., I'm going to be Frank," said Dr. Carbles. "Okay, Frank. I'll be A.J." "I've never been a principal before," he admitted. "This is all new to me. I need to know what it is about Mr. Klutz that you kids love so much." "I guess it's because he's silly," I said. "Mr. Klutz is like a big kid." "A.J., let me be Frank," said Dr. Carbles. "I already said you could be Frank," I told him. "It's just not in my nature to be silly," Dr. Carbles said. "When I see the shenanigans at your school, I'm disgusted."

I didn't know what "shenanigans" were, but I didn't tell him that. I bet Andrea knows. She read the whole encyclopedia so she could show off how smart she is. What's up with that? "If you don't like our shenanigans, maybe we could get some new shenanigans," I suggested. "A.J., let's be Frank," Dr. Carbles said. I slapped my forehead. "You mean both of us?" I asked. "Won't that be confusing?" "Enough! I know what you're trying to do, young man. You're trying to mess with my mind. Well, it won't work. Get out of my office!" "Okay, Frank," I said. I got up to leave but stopped at the door. "Can I have a candy bar, Frank?" I asked. "No! And stop calling me Frank!" Sheesh, what a sourpuss! He's the one who said to call him Frank. If you ask me, Dr. Carbles needs to take a chill pill.