2 Ch2-Turkeys Are Weird

Chapter 2 Turkeys Are Weird It was a turkey! They brought a turkey right out onstage! Now, I've seen plenty of dead turkeys in sandwiches, but I've never seen a live one before. This turkey was dressed like a Pilgrim, with a little bonnet and dress. It was hilarious. All the kids went nuts. "Gobble, gobble," said the turkey. "Where do you think Mr. Klutz got a turkey?" asked Neil Crouch, who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "Maybe he rented it," said Michael. "You can rent anything. There's probably a place called Rent-a-Turkey."

"For my birthday party, my parents rented a lady dressed like a clown," said Ryan. "If you can rent a lady dressed like a clown, then you can probably rent a turkey dressed like a lady." "For my birthday party, my parents rented a pony," said this annoying girl with curly brown hair named Andrea Young. "We all got pony rides." Why can't a pony fall on her head? Mr. Klutz had his arms wrapped around the turkey so she couldn't escape. She didn't look very happy. "This is our friend Gobbles," said Mrs. Roopy. "She's going to help us get into the spirit of Thanksgiving." Everybody yelled "HELLO" to Gobbles. "Gobble, gobble," said Gobbles, flapping her wings. Mr. Klutz was having a hard time holding on to her. "Isn't Gobbles cute?" asked Andrea.

"No," I said. What is her problem? Turkeys aren't cute. Penguins are cute. Turkeys are ugly. If they were cute, we wouldn't eat them. You don't see anybody eating penguins, do you? Besides, if Andrea thinks something is cute, then I don't. "Gobble, gobble," said Gobbles again. She was really flapping her wings hard now. Turkeys are weird. They can't fly. What's the point of being a bird if you can't fly? That would be like being a fish that can't swim. Gobbles was probably upset because Thanksgiving was coming. If I was a turkey, I would hate Thanksgiving, too. "I'll make a deal with you," said Mr. Klutz, who is always making deals with us. "If each class creates a beautiful Thanksgiving display, I will get married to Gobbles." Wow! It would be cool to see Mr. Klutz marry a turkey. This was going to be even better than the time he kissed a pig on the lips. Everybody was going crazy, cheering and stamping their feet. Gobbles didn't seem to like all that noise. She started gobbling really loud. Then she freaked out and broke away from Mr. Klutz! Gobbles went running off the stage! She jumped into the front row, where the first graders sit! The first graders freaked out, shrieking and crying and running away! Then everybody started freaking out!

"Run for your lives!" shouted Neil the nude kid. "There's a wild turkey on the loose!" All the kids were screaming and running and crashing into each other. You should have been there! And you'll never believe who came into the all-purpose room at that very moment. It was Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education! I always thought Mr. Klutz was important, like he was the king of the school. But if Mr. Klutz is like the king of the school, then Dr. Carbles is like the king of the world. He probably sits on a throne and has servants fan him with big feathers. I saw that in a movie once. "KLUTZ!" he hollered. "What's the meaning of this? Why is it that every time I come to this school, you're in some weird costume and the students are running around like lunatics?" "It's just a little discipline problem, sir," Mr. Klutz said as he chased Gobbles around. "I'm going to put Gobbles in detention."

"Don't you have any sense, Klutz?" shouted Dr. Carbles. "We have enough discipline problems with the children. Why would you bring a turkey to school?" "To marry it," somebody said. That's when Gobbles went berserk. She crashed into Dr. Carbles and knocked him down! "That's it, Klutz!" Dr. Carbles yelled. "You're FIRED!"