11 Ch11-The Big Skate-off

Chapter 11 The Big Skate-off When I got to school the next morning, I could hear the sound of hammering. It was coming from the gym. That was weird. I went over to the gym and opened the door. You'll never believe in a million hundred years what I saw. Five guys in overalls were building a half-pipe! Right there in the gym! Wow! We were going to go skateboarding in fizz ed! The fizz ed teacher, Miss Small, is off the wall. She usually has us juggle scarves and balance feathers on our fingers. But we were finally going to do something cool! We were going to skateboard! It was the greatest day of my life. Me and the guys were so excited, we could hardly stand it. "When do we go to fizz ed?" we kept asking Miss Daisy. "I don't know," said Miss Daisy, who doesn't know anything. Finally, at the end of the day, Mrs. Patty made an announcement over the loudspeaker. She said that everybody had to report to the gym. "Hooray!" all the boys yelled. Miss Daisy had to keep telling us to stop running the whole way there. When we got there, the half-pipe was finished, and Dr. Carbles was standing in front of it. He was holding a skateboard.

"Where's Miss Small?" I asked. "Are we going to skateboard in fizz ed?" "No!" shouted Dr. Carbles, "This half-pipe isn't for you. It's for me." "Boooooo!" yelled all the boys. We were really mad as we sat down on the bleachers. But we didn't stay mad for long, because you'll never believe who walked into the door at the other end of the gym. Nobody. If you walked into a door, it would hurt. But guess who walked into the doorway? It was Mr. Klutz! And he was holding a skateboard. Everybody cheered. "Hooray for Mr. Klutz!" we all shouted. Dr. Carbles and Mr. Klutz stood facing each other at opposite sides of the gym. They looked like two gunslingers on one of those old Western TV shows, except they had skateboards instead of guns. Everybody got quiet. You could hear a pin drop. "So, we meet again, Klutz," said Dr. Carbles. "I thought you'd be too chicken to show up." "I will outskate you anytime," Mr. Klutz said. "You're going down, Walrus Face!"

"Oh, snap!" Ryan whispered. "Mr. Klutz is gonna blow the doors off Dr. Carbles!" I told the guys. Mr. Klutz and Dr. Carbles climbed up to the top of the half-pipe. Dr. Carbles picked up his bullhorn. "Finally, all the world will know who the best skateboarder is!" he hollered. "Ha-ha-ha! Revenge will be sweet!" We all started chanting: "TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT— WHO DO WE APPRECIATE? KLUTZ! KLUTZ! KLUTZ!" Dr. Carbles and Mr. Klutz dropped into the half-pipe at the same time. Dr. Carbles did a vert bomb drop, Mr. Klutz did a combination inward heelflip/outside boardslide. Dr. Carbles did a polejam. Mr. Klutz did a boomerang. It was awesome! Everybody in the gym was yelling and screaming their heads off. Even the teachers! Then, just as Dr. Carbles was doing a monkeyflip jawbreaker, Mr. Klutz did a stalefish McTwist. They crashed into each other in midair! Dr.

Carbles's toupee went flying off his head! The two of them landed together in a tangle of arms and legs. It was a real Kodak moment. And we got to see it live and in person. "Oh, my leg!" moaned Dr. Carbles. "Ouch! My head!" moaned Mr. Klutz. The two of them were lying at the bottom of the half-pipe, freaking out. Mrs. Cooney, the beautiful school nurse, came running over with a first-aid kit. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years who walked in the gym at that exact moment. I'm not going to tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. It was Mrs. Haney, the superintendent of all the schools in the county!

"Carbles!" she shouted. "What's the meaning of this?" Dr. Carbles looked at Mr. Klutz. Mr. Klutz looked at Mrs. Haney. Mrs. Haney looked at Dr. Carbles. Everybody was looking at each other. "It's a half-pipe, ma'am," Dr. Carbles said. "I challenged Klutz to a little competition." "You were hired to bring order and discipline to this school!" Mrs. Haney yelled. "I didn't bring you here so you could build a half-poop and ride a skateboard!" "B-b-but...," said Dr. Carbles. "Carbles!" shouted Mrs. Haney. "You're FIRED!" Dr. Carbles limped out of the gym, sobbing. What a crybaby!