2 Ch2-Say Good-bye to Sugar

Chapter 2 Say Good-bye to Sugar Mrs. Yonkers was really weird looking. She was wearing a polka dot skirt and one of those big foam fake cheese things on her head. "Howdy, y'all!" she said. She must be from Texas. People from Texas say "Y'all" and "Yee-ha" all the time on TV. Nobody knows why. "In my younger days," Mr. Klutz told us, "I used to work with computers. But Mrs. Yonkers is a computer expert. What are the children going to learn in computer class, Mrs. Yonkers?"

扬克斯太太长得真怪。 她穿着一条圆点裙，头上戴着一个巨大的泡沫假奶酪。 “你们好!”她说。她一定是德州人。 德州人总是在电视上说"你们"和"耶哈" 没人知道为什么。“在我年轻的时候，”克鲁茨先生告诉我们，“我曾经和电脑打交道。 但是扬克斯夫人是计算机专家。 扬克斯太太，孩子们在电脑课上要学些什么?”

"Well," she said, clapping her hands together, "we're going to make our own websites, create computer art and computer music, and play virtual reality games. I'll show you some of my own inventions, too. I have so many ideas rumbling around in my head!" "Doesn't that sound like fun?" asked Mr. Klutz. "Yeah!" said all the girls. "No!" said all the boys. Actually it did sound like fun. I just like saying no when grown-ups try to get me to say yes. "Too bad there isn't a computer program that makes up jokes," Mr. Klutz said. "I could use one of them." "I'll work on that," said Mrs. Yonkers. "This afternoon I'll be seeing you kids in the new computer lab. But does anybody have any questions before I leave?"

“嗯，”她拍着手说，“我们要做自己的网站，创作电脑美术和电脑音乐，玩虚拟现实游戏。 我也会给你看一些我自己的发明。 我脑子里有太多的想法了!”“听起来是不是很有趣?”克鲁茨问道。 “是啊!”所有的女孩都说。 “不!”所有的男孩都说。事实上，听起来确实很有趣。 当大人们想让我答应的时候，我喜欢说不。 “真可惜没有一个能编笑话的电脑程序，”克鲁茨说。 “我可以用一个。” “我会努力的，”扬克斯太太说。 “今天下午我将在新的计算机实验室见你们。 在我离开之前，有人有什么问题吗?”

"Why are you wearing a fake piece of cheese on your head?" asked my friend Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn't food. "Isn't it funky?" asked Mrs. Yonkers. "I bought it on eBay for twelve cents. Plus ten dollars for shipping. Any other questions?" "Are you a nerd?" asked my friend Michael, who never ties his shoes. "That's not very nice, Michael," said Miss Daisy. But Mrs. Yonkers didn't mind. She pulled up her sweater and showed us a T-shirt she had on underneath. It said NERDS R COOL. "Say it loud!" she shouted. "I'm a nerd and I'm proud!" Mrs. Yonkers is weird. A few minutes later, Mr. Klutz and Mrs. Yonkers left. Guess who walked in the door next? Nobody, because if you walked in a door it would hurt. But guess who walked in the doorway? It was Mrs. Cooney, our school nurse! She has eyes that look like cotton candy, and she is beautiful. She wanted to marry me a while back, but I told her I wouldn't because she's already married to some guy named Mr. Cooney.

“你为什么要在头上戴一块假奶酪?”我的朋友瑞安问，他什么都吃，甚至不是食物的东西。 “这不是很时髦吗?”扬克斯太太问。 “我在eBay上花了12美分买的。 再加上10美元的运费。 还有其他问题吗?”“你是个书呆子吗?”我的朋友迈克尔问，他从来不系鞋带。 “那可不太好，迈克尔，”黛西小姐说。 但扬克斯太太并不介意。 她拉起毛衣，给我们看里面穿的一件T恤。 上面写着NERDS R COOL。“大声说!”她喊道。 “我是一个书呆子，我很自豪!”扬克斯太太很奇怪。 几分钟后，克鲁茨先生和扬克斯太太离开了。 猜猜下一个进来的是谁? 没人，因为如果你走进一扇门会很疼。 但猜猜谁走进了门口? 是库尼太太，我们学校的护士!她的眼睛看起来像棉花糖，她很漂亮。 前阵子她想嫁给我，但我告诉她我不会，因为她已经嫁给了一个叫库尼先生的人。

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Mrs. Cooney?" asked Miss Daisy. "Mr. Klutz asked me to help bring our school into the 21st century," Mrs. Cooney said. "How are you going to do that?" asked Miss Daisy. "Well, a big problem these days is that too many kids are obese," said Mrs. Cooney. "Too many kids are beasts?" I asked. I was thinking about beasts because I just saw this cool movie called King Kong. "Obese' is 'fat,' Arlo," said Andrea. "So is your face," I told her. Andrea probably looked up "obese" in her dictionary. She keeps one on her desk so she can look up words and show everybody how smart she is. I hate her. Mrs. Cooney told us that kids need to eat more vegetables and other stuff that doesn't taste good. "Candy and sweets rot your teeth and dull your mind," said Mrs. Cooney. "Did you know that a can of soda pop contains about nine teaspoons of sugar? They call it junk food for a reason." "What's the reason?" I asked. "Because it's junk!" she said. Oh. I thought it was a trick question. "How are we going to get our students to drink less soda pop and eat less junk food?" asked Miss Daisy. "I'm glad you asked," said Mrs. Cooney. She held up a poster that said SAY GOOD-BYE TO SUGAR on it. "Starting tomorrow, soda pop and junk food will no longer be allowed inside Ella Mentry School."

“什么风把你吹来了，库尼太太?”黛西小姐问。 “克鲁茨先生让我帮忙把我们学校带入21世纪，”库尼夫人说。 “你打算怎么做呢?”黛西小姐问。 “嗯，现在的一个大问题是太多的孩子肥胖，”库尼夫人说。 “太多的孩子都是野兽?”我问。 我在想野兽，因为我刚看了一部很酷的电影叫《金刚》。 “肥胖就是‘胖’，阿乐，”安德里亚说。 “你的脸也是，”我告诉她。 安德里亚可能在字典里查过“肥胖”这个词。 她在桌子上放了一个，这样她就可以查单词，向大家展示她有多聪明。 我恨她。库尼太太告诉我们，孩子们需要多吃蔬菜和其他不好吃的东西。 “糖果和糖果会腐蚀你的牙齿，使你头脑迟钝，”库尼太太说。 “你知道一罐汽水大约含有九茶匙的糖吗?” 他们称之为垃圾食品是有原因的。” “原因是什么?”我问。 “因为它是垃圾!”她说。 哦。我以为这是个刁钻的问题。 Daisy老师问:“我们怎样才能让我们的学生少喝汽水，少吃垃圾食品呢?” “我很高兴你问了，”库尼太太说。 她举着一张海报，上面写着“告别糖”。 “从明天开始，汽水和垃圾食品将不再被允许进入艾拉门特里学校。”

WHAT?????????????????????????????? Did I hear that right? No more soda pop? No more candy? Suddenly everybody was talking and whispering to one another. "They've gotta be kidding!" said Michael. "I'll die without junk food." "Life will be horrible," said Neil, who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes. "This is gonna be worse than National Poetry Month!" said Ryan. "This is gonna be worse than TV Turnoff Week!" I said. "You boys are silly," said Andrea. "I think 'Say Good-bye to Sugar' is a great idea. I like healthy food. My favorite foods are herb-roasted chicken, fresh fruit, and baked soy chips." "Could you possibly be any more boring?" I asked her. "You'll feel a lot better once you start eating less junk food," Mrs. Cooney told us. "How about we give up vegetables instead?" I suggested.

什么 ?????????????????????????????? 我没听错吧?没有汽水了? 没有糖果了?突然间，每个人都在窃窃私语。 “他们一定在开玩笑!”迈克尔说。 “不吃垃圾食品我会死的。” “生活将是可怕的，”尼尔说，尽管他穿着衣服，我们还是称他为裸体孩子尼尔。 “这比全国诗歌月还糟糕!”瑞恩说。 “这比电视关台周还糟糕!”我说。 “你们这些男孩子真傻，”安德烈说。 “我认为《告别甜心》是个好主意。 我喜欢健康食品。我最喜欢的食物是香草烤鸡、新鲜水果和烤豆片。” “你还能再无聊一点吗?”我问她。 “一旦你开始少吃垃圾食品，你就会感觉好多了，”库尼太太告诉我们。 “我们不吃蔬菜怎么样?”我建议。

"Arlo, you probably never even tasted a vegetable," said Andrea. "I did too," I told her. "I tasted one once. Then I spit it out." My friend Billy who lives around the corner told me that if you eat too many vegetables, you get a disease called vegetitus. So I stay away from that stuff. Besides, green is a weird color. It's the same color as boogers. You shouldn't eat stuff that's green. That's the first rule of being a kid. I was so depressed about 'Say Good-bye to Sugar' that I could hardly pay attention during social studies, math, reading, and science. I wasn't even excited when Miss Daisy announced that it was time to go to the computer lab to see Mrs. Yonkers. All I could think about was soda pop and junk food. We had to walk a million hundred miles to the computer lab. It's in a trailer in the back of the parking lot, near the woods. We walked up the ramp to the trailer. We opened the door. And you'll never believe what we saw in there.

“阿乐，你可能连蔬菜都没尝过。”安德烈说。 “我也是，”我告诉她。“我尝过一次。 然后我就吐出来了。”我的朋友比利住在街角，他告诉我，如果你吃太多蔬菜，你会得一种叫做蔬菜病的疾病。 所以我远离那些东西。 此外，绿色是一种奇怪的颜色。 和鼻屎的颜色一样。 你不应该吃绿色的东西。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 因为《说再见，甜心》，我在社会、数学、阅读、科学课上几乎无法集中注意力。 当黛西小姐宣布到计算机实验室去看扬克斯太太的时候，我一点也不兴奋。 我满脑子想的都是汽水和垃圾食品。 我们不得不走一百万英里的路去计算机实验室。 在停车场后面的拖车里，靠近树林。 我们沿着斜坡走向拖车。 我们打开了门。你绝对不会相信我们在那里看到了什么。