11 Ch11-Send in the Clones

Chapter 11 Send in the Clones Keeping secrets is hard. I wanted to tell my parents about the Junk Food Transformer. I wanted to tell my friend Billy who lives around the corner. I wanted to tell somebody. But I didn't. My lips were sealed. (But not with glue or anything. That would be weird.) The next morning Mrs. Patty made an announcement over the loudspeaker. "Mrs. Yonkers is absent today, but please go to the computer lab at your regularly scheduled time." That was weird. If Mrs. Yonkers was absent, who would be our computer teacher? All day long we wondered. Finally, it was time for computer class. We rushed down the hall. We opened the door of the computer lab. And you'll never believe in a million hundred years who was standing there. It was a robot! "SIT DOWN," the robot commanded in a computery voice. "PAY ATTENTION."

The robot looked a lot like Mrs. Yonkers. It even wore a NERDS R COOL T-shirt and a fake cheese head. "MRS. YONKERS IS NOT FEELING WELL," the robot said. "I AM MRS. ROBO-YONKERS. I WILL BE YOUR TEACHER TODAY." Wow! Mrs. Yonkers built her own robot substitute teacher! Cool! We used to have a sub named Ms. Todd. But then she tried to murder Miss Daisy and take her job. Ms. Todd was odd. "Remember Mrs. Yonkers told us that she had so much work, she wished she could clone herself?" Andrea said as we sat down. "Well, I guess she figured out how to do it." Clones are cool. My friend Billy who lives around the corner told me that scientists have cloned sheep, cats, and cows. But nobody ever cloned a person before.

"STOP TALKING," said Mrs. Robo-YOnkers. "FOLD YOUR FEET. KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE FLOOR." She sounded almost like a real teacher! "Mrs. Robo-Yonkers," I said. "I have a question." "STATE YOUR QUESTION," said Mrs. Robo-Yonkers. "Firemen banana stomach pitchfork?" I asked. "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION," said Mrs. Robo-Yonkers. "PLEASE REPEAT THE QUESTION." "Football my orange telephone?" I asked. "DOES NOT COMPUTE," said Mrs. Robo-Yonkers. "PLEASE REPEAT." "Watermelon lawn chair atomic bicycle?" I asked. "What are you doing, Arlo?" asked Andrea. "Computers aren't very good at understanding language," I said. "I'm yanking her chain. That's what you're supposed to do with substitute teachers. It's the first rule of being a kid." "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND," said Mrs. Robo-Yonkers. "Monster my upside down moon machine?" I asked. "Stop it, Arlo!" Andrea said. "You're going to get us in trouble!" But it was too late. We were already in trouble. Mrs. Robo-Yonkers started shaking and twitching. "SYSTEM ERROR! SYSTEM ERROR! SYSTEM ERROR!" she droned. Smoke was coming out of her head, and sparks were shooting out of her neck. She started turning around in circles and bumping into desks.

"I think she blew a circuit!" said Michael. Mrs. Robo-Yonkers was rolling crazily around the computer lab, crashing into everything in her path. Kids were diving out of the way. "Run for your lives!" shouted Neil the nude kid. "I'll get Mr. Klutz!" yelled Andrea as she ran out of the lab. Mrs. Robo-Yonkers was bouncing around the computer lab like a pinball. She was out of control. Finally, Mr. Klutz came running in. "What's wrong?" he yelled. "Mrs. Robo-Yonkers has gone berserk!" I told him. "Leave it to me," Mr. Klutz said. ("I used to work with computers in my younger days. Where does Mrs. Yonkers keep the robot's remote control?" "In a remote location," I said. "SYSTEM ERROR! SYSTEM ERROR! SYSTEM ERROR!"

As Mrs. Robo-Yonkers spun around in circles, one of her arms hit Emily before she could duck out of the way. "Owwww! My head!" Emily was on the floor, freaking out as usual. "Call Mrs. Cooney!" shouted Mr. Klutz. "Tell her to bring her first-aid kit!" Mrs. Robo-Yonkers was running around the computer lab. Mr. Klutz was running around the computer lab. All of us kids were running around the computer lab. It was a lot like that scene in the movie King Kong when Kong broke his chains and went running around the streets of New York. Everybody was going crazy. And you'll never believe who showed up at that very moment. It was Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education! Oh, snap! "Klutz!" Dr. Carbles shouted. "What's the meaning of this?" "Nothing to worry about, sir," Mr. Klutz said, as Mrs. Robo-Yonkers crashed into the whiteboard. "Why is it that every time I visit this school, the students are running around like lunatics?" demanded Dr. Carbles. "These kids are obviously hopped up on junk food!"

"Oh no, sir!" said Mr. Klutz. "We got rid of all the junk food. We even put in a junk food detector at the front door." At that very moment, Mrs. Robo-Yonkers rammed into the closet where we hid all the candy the day before. Twinkies and Twix and Jolly Ranchers and Skittles and Chuckles went flying all over the place. "Klutz!" yelled Dr. Carbles. "What's the meaning of this? I thought you got rid of all the junk food." "We did!" Mr. Klutz said. "Somebody get Mrs. Yonkers on the phone!" That's when Mrs. Cooney (who is beautiful) came running in with her first- aid kit. She took out her cell phone and started dialing frantically. Mrs. Robo- Yonkers was chasing Dr. Carbles around the computer lab. It was just like in that King Kong movie. Mrs. Robo-Yonkers was bonkers!