1 Ch1-A Computer in My Head

Chapter 1 A Computer in My Head My name is A.J. and I hate school. Do you know what would be cool? Instead of learning stuff in school, we should have computers built into our heads. There could be software for math, social studies, reading, and all that other stuff teachers say we need to know. You could just plug whatever software you need right into your head. Then we wouldn't have to go to school anymore! Think about it. If we had computers in our heads, we could spend more time doing stuff we want to do, like playing sports and video games and going to the movies and eating junk food. That would be cool. I would buy one of those computers in a minute. But I guess until somebody invents a computer you plug into your head, we'll just have to keep going to school. Bummer in the summer! We had just finished circle time in Miss Daisy's class when Mr. Klutz came into the room. He's the principal of Ella Mentry School, and he has no hair at all, I mean none. Hats must slide off his head because there's nothing to hold them on. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr. Klutz?" asked Miss Daisy. (That's grown-up talk for "What are you doing here?") "I wanted to try out a new joke," Mr. Klutz said. Oh no! Mr. Klutz tells the worst jokes in the history of the world. "Where's the best place to keep a remote control?" he asked.

我的名字叫A.J. 我讨厌学校。你知道什么会很酷吗? 我们应该把电脑植入我们的大脑，而不是在学校里学习东西。 可能会有数学、社会研究、阅读以及老师说我们需要知道的所有其他东西的软件。 你可以把你需要的任何软件直接插入你的大脑。 那我们就不用再去学校了!想想看。 如果我们的大脑里有电脑，我们就可以花更多的时间做我们想做的事情，比如运动和电子游戏，看电影和吃垃圾食品。 那太酷了。我马上就会买一台这样的电脑。 但我想，在有人发明一种可以插在头上的电脑之前，我们只能继续上学。 夏天的流浪者!我们刚上完黛西小姐的课，克鲁茨先生就进来了。 他是艾拉门特瑞学校的校长，他根本没有头发，我是说没有头发。 帽子一定是从他头上滑下来的，因为没有东西可以固定它们。 “什么风把你吹来了，克鲁茨先生?”黛西小姐问。 (这是成年人说的“你在这里干什么?”)“我想尝试一个新的笑话，”克鲁茨说。 噢,不!克鲁茨先生讲了世界历史上最糟糕的笑话。 “放遥控器最好的地方是哪里?”他问道。

"Where?" we all shouted. "In a remote location!" he said. "Get it? Remote? Location?" Mr. Klutz bent over laughing and slapped his knee even though his joke was totally lame. We all laughed anyway. You should always laugh at the principal's jokes, no matter how lame they are. That's the first rule of being a kid. "But seriously," Mr. Klutz said, putting on his serious face so we knew it was time to get serious, "I need to talk to you about something. Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education, wants us to bring Ella Mentry School into the 21st century." "Cool!" I shouted. "We're gonna travel through time!" "This is the 21st century, Arlo," said Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair. She calls me by my real name because she knows I hate it. "I knew that," I said, even though I really didn't. Only a smafty-pants-know-it-all like Andrea would know what number century it is. What is her problem? Who counts centuries? "How are we going to bring our school into the 21st century, Mr. Klutz?" asked Andrea's crybaby friend Emily, who is allergic to ferrets.

“在哪儿?”“在一个偏僻的地方!” “明白了吗?远程吗?位置?”克鲁茨先生弯下腰大笑，拍了拍膝盖，尽管他的笑话完全是蹩脚的。 我们都笑了。不管校长讲的笑话有多烂，你都应该笑。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 “但说真的，”克鲁茨说，他装出一副严肃的样子，这样我们就知道是时候严肃起来了，“我得跟你说点事。 教育委员会主席卡伯斯博士希望我们把艾拉门特瑞学校带入21世纪。” “酷!”我叫道。“我们要穿越时间!”“这是21世纪了，阿罗，”安德里亚·杨(Andrea Young)说，她是一个令人讨厌的棕色卷发女孩。 她叫我的真名是因为她知道我不喜欢这样。 “我知道，”我说，尽管我真的不知道。 只有像安德里亚这样自以为是的人才会知道现在是几世纪。 她有什么问题?谁计算世纪? “我们怎样才能把我们的学校带入21世纪呢，克鲁茨先生?”安德里亚爱哭的朋友艾米丽(Emily)问，她对雪貂过敏。

"We're going to spiff up the place," he replied. "We're getting some new equipment, a security guard, a computer lab, and a computer teacher, too. In fact, she's right outside. Would you like to meet Mrs. Yonkers?" "Yeah!" said all the girls. "No!" said all the boys. Mr. Klutz went into the hallway and came back with some lady. You'll never believe in a million hundred years what she had on her head. I'm not gonna tell you. Okay, okay, I'll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.

“我们要把这地方收拾一下，”他回答说。 “我们添置了一些新设备，一名保安，一间电脑室，还有一名电脑老师。 事实上，她就在外面。 你想见见扬克斯太太吗?”“是啊!”所有的女孩都说。 “不!”所有的男孩都说。克鲁茨先生走进走廊，带着一位女士回来了。 你永远也不会相信她头上戴的是什么。 我不会告诉你的。好吧，好吧，我告诉你。 但你得读下一章。 所以不，不，不，不。