1 Ch1-The Weirdest Thing in the History of the World

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Chapter 1 The Weirdest Thing in the History of the World My name is A.J. and I hate school. It was Monday morning, and all the girls were playing with these fake makeup kits that they got at some birth- day party over the weekend. I thought I was gonna throw up.

Picture Day is in three weeks, said my teacher, Miss Daisy, as she handed us each a piece of paper. A photographer is going to come and take pictures of every student in school. So make sure your parents fill out this form if they want to order pictures. I love getting my picture taken! said this annoying girl with curly brown hair named Andrea Young. (The girl's name is Andrea Young, that is. Not her hair. Hair doesn't have a name.) Me too, said this crybaby girl named Emily, who always agrees with anything Andrea says. They should take your pictures, I

suggested, and burn them. My friends Ryan and Michael laughed. Emily looked like she was going to cry. It just so happens that Emily and I are very photogenic, Andrea told us. Wow! I said. You can read minds? Photogenic' means you look good in pictures, dumbhead. That's good, I said, because you're ugly in real life. Oh, snap! said Michael. Do you know where they should put your picture, Arlo? asked Andrea. Where? I asked. I hate when she calls me by my real name. In the post office, she said, with all

those pictures of criminals and bank rob- bers and murderers. Oh, snap! said Ryan. So is your face, I told Andrea. Any time somebody says something mean to you, always say, So is your face. Even if it doesn't make any sense. That's the first rule of being a kid. Enough chitchat, said Miss Daisy. We have library now with Mrs. Roopy. Yay! said all the girls. Boo! said all the boys. Bummer in the summer! Libraries are boring. Do you know why? Because they're filled with books! And there's nothing more boring than a book. Why are you even reading this one?

Library would be even more boring if we didn't have a librarian like Mrs. Roopy. She's always dressed up like somebody else, whether it's Little Bo Peep or Johnny Appleseed. Mrs. Roopy is loopy. When we got to the library, we saw Mrs. Roopy dressed up like a giant bird, with lots of feathers and a beak.