1 Ch1-The Weirdest Thing in the History of the World

Chapter 1 The Weirdest Thing in the History of the World My name is A.J. and I hate school. It was Monday morning, and all the girls were playing with these fake makeup kits that they got at some birthday party over the weekend. I thought I was gonna throw up.

第一章世界历史上最奇怪的事我叫A.J. 我讨厌学校。那是星期一的早晨，所有的女孩都在玩这些假化妆包，那是她们在周末的生日派对上得到的。 我以为我要吐了。

Picture Day is in three weeks, said my teacher, Miss Daisy, as she handed us each a piece of paper. A photographer is going to come and take pictures of every student in school. So make sure your parents fill out this form if they want to order pictures. I love getting my picture taken! said this annoying girl with curly brown hair named Andrea Young. (The girl's name is Andrea Young, that is. Not her hair. Hair doesn't have a name.) Me too, said this crybaby girl named Emily, who always agrees with anything Andrea says. They should take your pictures, I

“再过三个星期就是照相日了，”我的老师黛西小姐一边说，一边递给我们每人一张纸。 一位摄影师要来给学校里的每个学生拍照。 所以，如果你的父母想订照片，一定要填好这张表。 我喜欢拍照!一个叫安德里亚·杨的棕色卷发的讨厌女孩说。 (这个女孩的名字是安德里亚·杨。 不是她的头发。头发没有名字。)“我也是，”一个叫艾米丽的爱哭女孩说，她总是同意安德里亚说的任何话。 他们应该给你拍照，我

suggested, and burn them. My friends Ryan and Michael laughed. Emily looked like she was going to cry. It just so happens that Emily and I are very photogenic, Andrea told us. Wow! I said. You can read minds? Photogenic' means you look good in pictures, dumbhead. That's good, I said, because you're ugly in real life. Oh, snap! said Michael. Do you know where they should put your picture, Arlo? asked Andrea. Where? I asked. I hate when she calls me by my real name. In the post office, she said, with all

建议，烧了他们。我的朋友瑞恩和迈克尔笑了。 艾米丽看起来好像要哭了。 “碰巧艾米丽和我都很上镜，”安德里亚告诉我们。 哇!我说。你能读心术? “上镜”的意思是你在照片上很好看，笨蛋。 那很好，我说，因为你在现实生活中很丑。 哦,提前!迈克尔说。你知道他们应该把你的照片放在哪里吗，阿乐? 安德里亚问道。在哪里?我问。 我讨厌她叫我的真名。 “在邮局，”她说

those pictures of criminals and bank robbers and murderers. Oh, snap! said Ryan. So is your face, I told Andrea. Any time somebody says something mean to you, always say, So is your face. Even if it doesn't make any sense. That's the first rule of being a kid. Enough chitchat, said Miss Daisy. We have library now with Mrs. Roopy. Yay! said all the girls. Boo! said all the boys. Bummer in the summer! Libraries are boring. Do you know why? Because they're filled with books! And there's nothing more boring than a book. Why are you even reading this one?

那些罪犯、银行抢劫犯和杀人犯的照片。 哦,提前!瑞恩说。你的脸也是，我告诉安德里亚。 每当有人对你说了刻薄的话，就说:“你的脸也是如此。” 即使这没有任何意义。 这是当孩子的第一准则。 “别闲聊了，”黛西小姐说。 我们现在和鲁比太太一起去图书馆。 耶!所有的女孩都说。嘘!所有的男孩都说。 夏天的流浪者!图书馆很无聊。 你知道为什么吗?因为里面装满了书!没有什么比读书更无聊的了。 你为什么要读这本书?

Library would be even more boring if we didn't have a librarian like Mrs. Roopy. She's always dressed up like somebody else, whether it's Little Bo Peep or Johnny Appleseed. Mrs. Roopy is loopy. When we got to the library, we saw Mrs. Roopy dressed up like a giant bird, with lots of feathers and a beak.

如果没有像鲁比太太这样的图书管理员，图书馆会更无聊。 她总是打扮成别人的样子，不管是小牧羊女还是苹果籽约翰尼。 鲁比太太是疯了。当我们到达图书馆时，我们看到鲁比太太打扮得像一只大鸟，有很多羽毛和一个喙。