3 Ch3-Santa Klutz Is Coming to Town

Chapter 3 Santa Klutz Is Coming to Town "Line up in ABC order," said our teacher, Miss Daisy, after we finished pledging the allegiance the next morning. "We're having an assembly!" "Yay!" said the girls. "Boo!" said the boys. Assemblies are when the whole school

goes to the all-purpose room and we have to listen to somebody talk for a mil- lion hundred hours. The last time we had an assembly, some children's book author told us about his books. What a bore! The reading specialist, Mr. Macky, is always trying to get us to read. I hate reading. But this assembly looked like it was going to be different. The all-purpose room was decorated with big candy canes, snowmen, and fake snow. "Jingle Bells" was playing on the loudspeaker. After we sat down, the most amazing thing in the history of the world hap- pened. Something started coming down from the ceiling above the stage!

At first we couldn't tell what it was. Then we saw it was a sleigh! As it got lower, we could see Santa Claus sitting in the sleigh. Some kids were pulling long ropes that lowered the sleigh down until it reached the stage. "Ho ho ho!" "It's Santa Claus!" everybody shouted. "I'm not Santa Claus," the guy said. He took off his Santa hat so we could see his shiny bald head. "I'm Santa KLUTZ!"

It was Mr. Klutz, the principal! Every- one started hooting and hollering. Miss Daisy shushed us. Mr. Klutz waited until everybody was quiet. He picked up a microphone so we could hear him better. "I always gets santamental around the holidays," Mr. Klutz said. "Get it? Santa mental?" "Hahahahahahahahahaha!" We all laughed even though Mr. Klutz didn't say anything funny. When the principal makes a joke, you should always laugh. That's the first rule of being a kid. If you don't laugh at the principal's jokes, he'll get mad and lock you in the dungeon down in the basement.

"But seriously," Mr. Klutz said, "what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?" "What?" we all yelled. "Frostbite he said. "Get it? Frost? Bite?" "Hahahahahahahaha!" Mr. Klutz is always cracking jokes. He thinks he is a real comedian. But his jokes are terrible. It should be against the law for principals to tell jokes. "Do you know why Santa's little helper was depressed?" Mr. Klutz asked. "Why?" we all yelled. "Because he had low elf-esteem. Get it? Elf? Esteem?" "Hahahahahaha!"

Maybe if we stopped laughing at his jokes, Mr. Klutz would stop telling them. "What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?" Mr. Klutz asked. "What?" we all yelled. "Claustrophobic!" he said. "Get it? Claus? Trophobic?" "Hahahaha!" It was horrible. It was like watching one of those movies that never ends. I looked over at Ryan and Michael. They rolled their eyes. "What do snowmen eat for breakfast?" Mr. Klutz asked. "What?" we all yelled. "Snowflakes!" he said. "Get it? Snow? Flakes?"