2. Clothes and Nubs

2 Clothes and Nubs Lucille was still mad at lunch. "I just don't get it," she grouched. "How could anyone forget the Easter Bunny? The Easter Bunny brings candy right to your door." Lennie did a frown at her. "He doesn't bring candy to my door, Lucille," he said. "The Easter Bunny is a different religion than me. I'm Jewish." Shirley nodded. "I'm Jewish, too, Lucille," she said. "I've never even been to an Easter-egg hunt

before. What do you wear to something like that, anyway?" Lucille stood up and fluffed herself. "Well—since the Easter Bunny and I are the same religion—I'm going to wear a fancy Easter dress, Shirley," she said. Shirley thought for a minute. Then she nodded. "Hmm. Then I guess I will wear a fancy Jewish dress," she said. Lennie's eyes lighted up. "Really, Shirley? You mean we have our own clothing line?" he asked. He smiled. "Then I think I will wear some fancy Jewish pants," he said. My friend named Herbert tapped on his chin. "Let's see. Since I'm a Pressed-byterian, I guess I should wear Pressed-byterian pants," he said.

He turned and looked at me. "Pressed-byterian means we iron out our wrinkles, I think," he said. Just then, Sheldon slapped the table with his hand. "Hey, I know! I will wear a fancy turban! A fancy turban is religious clothes, right?" he asked. "I love fancy turbans!" Mr. Scary was listening to us while he ate. He quick put down his sandwich. "Boys and girls, you're getting way off track here," he said. "Lucille's Easter-egg hunt is not a religious party. Really. I've spoken to her mother about it. It's more of a spring picnic with an egg-hunt activity. Am I right, Lucille?" "Yes," she said. "My mother said the Easter Bunny isn't even working that day. He's just going to hop around the party… and smile …and have his picture taken with people." I thought about that for a second.

"I don't think bunnies should smile," I said. "Bunnies have yellow teeth, like clown teeth. Except bunny teeth are way pointier." Sheldon nodded. "My aunt Bunny has a pointy tooth," he said. "She can stab a pickle with it. And the pickle just stays there." All of us stared at him. Sheldon has the interestingest family I ever heard of. Lucille did a big breath. "Well, I don't care about pointy bunny teeth," she said. "Bunnies have cute floppy ears, and puffy, fluffy tails, and itchy, twitchy little noses." I kept on picturing their teeth. "Bunny teeth can nibble your head into a nub," I said. "No, they cannot, Junie B. Jones," she said back. "Oh yes they can, Lucille whatever-your last-name-is," I said. "I saw it on Oprah."

Mr. Scary glared at me. I ducked down in my seat. And I quieted my voice. "Oprah has a lot of nub information," I said very soft. Mr. Scary glared again. I started to squirm. Teachers can spot a fib a mile away. At recess, Lucille told us more about the party. She said that there was going to be lots of delicious food to eat. Plus also, there was going to be an exciting prize for the Easter- egg winner. "And wait till you hear this!" she said. "My daddy is going to hide a real pretend golden egg! And whoever finds the golden egg will win The Grand Prize of the Day! And that is

a fabulous playdate with … ME! LUCILLE!" She twirled around and hugged herself. "And it's not just any old fabulous play- date with me, either!" she said. "The winner is going to get to go swimming with me in my heated indoor swimming pool that we just had enclosed!" She did a little shiver and rubbed her arms. "Isn't that exciting, everyone?" she asked. "Doesn't that give you the tinkles?" She looked around. "Well? Doesn't it? Huh? Doesn't it make you tinkle all over?" she asked. All of the children looked curious at each other. Herbert rocked back and forth on his feet a minute. "Um, I think you mean the tingles" he said at last. José nodded. "Sí, Lucille. You definitely mean the tingles," he said.