6. Chicken of the Ocean

6 Chicken of the Ocean Day Three Dear first-grade journal, My camera pictures aren't going that good. On account of first I got grouchy ladies. And then I looked like a doofus. So far, my photo journal is telling the stupidest dumb story I ever heard of.

Today will be better. I hope 'Cause me and Mother and Daddy are going to snorkel. And snorkel is the grown-up word for when you swim with a giant hose in your mouth. I like that word of snorkel. Also I like snorkel and snorkel and snootle. Your friend, Junie B., Snorkel I put down my pencil. And I waited for Mother and Daddy to get up. Those two have lazy bones. Only I am not allowed to jiggle them awake anymore. Or else Mother turns out cranky. I kept waiting real patient for their eyes to open. Then finally, I tippytoed next to Daddy.

And I blew air in his face. He opened one eyeball. I waved very pleasant. "Hello. How are you today?" I said. "Look. I am already dressed for breakfast." Daddy closed his eyeball. I opened it up again. "Whoops. I lost you there for a second," I said. "Don't you want to see what I'm wearing today?" I stepped back so he could see my clothes. Then I twirled all around like a fashion girl. "See me, Daddy? See how cute I look? I picked out an outfit to go with Squeezer's flatso parrot head. He looks very cute with these shorts, don't you think? He looks like a parrot belt kind of." I skipped around in a circle. "I'm glad that Mother didn't cut him off," I

said. "He wasn't even uncomfortable to sleep in, hardly." After that, me and Squeezer climbed on the bed. And we sat on Mother's legs until she woke up. It did not actually take that long. Then yippee, hurray! All of us went down to breakfast. And Mother said I could order pineapple-and-coconut pancakes! And that is just like eating dessert, I tell you! The waitress looked at me and Squeezer. She did a little chuckle. "Wow, you already have your swim ring on, huh?" she said. "All you have to do is blow him up, and you're all set to go." I did a frown at that comment. "Yeah, only I can't actually blow him up, or else he squeezes the life out of me," I said. The waitress stopped smiling.

"Oh," she said. "Oh my." Then she took our order. And she backed away from the table real slow. After breakfast, Daddy had to go on his job interview. And so me and Mother went to the pool while we waited for him. Then—as soon as he got back—hurray! It was time to go snorkeling! After everyone was ready, we got in the car. And we drove to a special snorkel beach. That word made me laugh in the car. I said it a million times, I think. "Snorkel," I said. "Snorkel, snorkel, snorkel. I'm going to snorkel! Here is a snorkel poem." I took a breath. "Snorkel, snortle, snootle, noodle, snorkel, snartle, snarkle." Mother turned around.

"Please stop it," she said. She took an aspirin. Mothers do not appreciate poetry, apparently. Pretty soon, Daddy pulled into a beach parking lot. And he carried our snorkel stuff to the water. Mother helped me on with my swim fins. Swim fins look exactly like frog feet. Except for they are not on an actual frog. It is hard to walk in frog feet. You have to lift your feet way high in the air, like you are marching in a band. Except for frogs don't march in a band, usually. On account of most of them don't play an instrument. After I put on my frog feet, I put on my face mask and snorkel snout. A snorkel snout is the giant hose that you breathe with.