3. Squirty

3 Squirty Me and Philip Johnny Bob took a real nap. It was an accident. 'Cause both of us are too old for naps. But sometimes naps just happen. After we woke up, Mother came in my room. And she kissed my cheek hello. I did a yawn and waved. Mother ruffled my hair. "I know you're still sleepy, honey. But we need to go get your Halloween costume now," she said. "Grandma's going to stay with Ollie while we're gone." My tummy did a flip-flop at that news.

I had to get out of this. I just had to. "Yeah, only I don't actually feel like getting my Halloween costume right now," I said, real whiny. "And anyway, I don't even know what I want to be yet." After that, I quick pulled my covers over my head. "I will think about this and get back to you tomorrow," I said. Mother did a laugh. Then she pulled my covers off again. "Sorry, Junie B. But we can't wait until tomorrow," she said. "Tomorrow is Halloween." After that, she picked me up from my bed. And she stood me on the floor. "I'm sure that once we get to the store, you'll find lots of fun costumes to choose from," she said. "Now please put on your

shoes while I go get my coat." After she left, I grabbed Philip Johnny Bob very panicked. "She's going to make me do it, Philip! Mother's going to make me go trick-or- treating tomorrow night! And that means I'm going to see real, actual monsters and witches! Plus I'll probably be coming home with a bat in my hair." I ran around my room very upset. Philip watched me go. Why don't you just tell her, Junie B.? he asked. If you tell Mother the five scary secrets, then she won't make you go trick-or- treating, I bet. I shook my head. "But I can't, Philip," I said. "I can't tell anyone the five secrets, or else my head will get turned into a wart. Remember that?"

I made a sick face. "A wart would be a hard head to explain." Philip thought some more. Okay, then make up a different reason why you can't go, he said. Tell Mother you're afraid of the dark. I rolled my eyes way up at the ceiling. "But I'm not afraid of the dark, Philip. I'm not afraid of anything, usually." I paused for a second. "Except for roosters with pointy lips, of course," I said. "But that is to be expected." I tapped on my chin. "Also, I do not care for ponies who stomple you to death," I said. And clowns, Philip said. You're also afraid of clowns. I looked at him kind of annoyed.

"Yes, Phil. But everyone is afraid of clowns," I said. "Even Grandma Miller is afraid of clowns." I thought back. "Remember when all of us went to the circus together? And that scary, mean clown chased Grandma around the bleachers with his seltzer bottle?" Philip nodded. Yes. Squirty the Clown, he said. He made Grandma wear an unattractive balloon hat. Remember that? "Of course I remember," I said. "I still have bad dreams about that clown. Even monsters and witches would run away from Squirty, I bet." Sure they would, said Philip. Squirty would scare the pants off those guys. I did a sigh. "Lucky Squirty," I said. "Squirty the Clown

doesn't have to be afraid of anything, probably." Just then, Mother's voice hollered down the hall. "JUNIE B., ARE YOU READY YET? YOU NEED TO GET A MOVE ON, HONEY. WE'VE GOT TO GO!" Me and Philip looked frantic at each other. Then, bingo! A miracle happened! And it's called, the answer to my problem popped right into my head! I springed up as fast as a spring. "Hey! Wait a second! I know the answer, Philip! I know what I can be for Halloween!" I danced around real joyful. "I can be Squirty!" I said. "I can be Squirty the Clown! Then I can squirt the monsters and witches with my seltzer bottle! And then