12

WOULD YOU BE A PAL AND GET YOUR UNCLE LARRY A REFILL ON PRETZELS? Gramma's two sisters both came this year, even though they can't STAND each other. Every Christmas they exchange presents, but I think the only reason they do it is to see who can come up with the most insulting gift. FIVE KETCHUP PACKETS USED BAR OF DEODORANT On Easter at Gramma's house you've basically got three choices of how to occupy yourself: You can sit in the family room and watch golf on TV with the men, go in the kitchen and talk with the women, or hang out in the basement with all the kids.

None of those options really works for me, so I always just lock myself in the bathroom until it's time to eat. The main event at Easter is brunch. The whole family used to sit at one long table in the dining room, but now that the family's bigger, it's split between grown-ups and kids. The grown-ups' table is in the dining room, and the kids table is in the kitchen. I'm kind of glad we changed things up, because when we all used to sit together, I'd always end up next to someone who was WAY more interested in my life

than I was. TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU'VE LEARNED IN SOCIAL STUDIES THIS YEAR! when we all sat together, Mom would make me eat food I didn't like. She always wants me to try her potato salad, which I might be willing to do if it wasn't served in the same bowl she uses when one of us kids has the flu. I don't like eating in Gramma's dining room anyway because it's WAY to formal, and I think it makes everyone act too serious.

A few years ago Peepaw had a green bean hanging from his lip for most of brunch. That was funny enough on its own, but when it fell into his glass of water, I had to laugh. I thought everyone ELSE would laugh, too, but nobody did. Dad shot me a look, and I got the feeling I should just keep my head down and go back to eating my ham. Ever since then, whenever something funny happens during a meal in the dining room, I do everything I can to stop myself from laughing. I'll pinch my inner thigh or bite my lip real hard, but sometimes even THAT'S not enough. One year, when Peepaw went to blow out the candles on his birthday cake, his dentures came flying out.

I strained so hard to keep myself from laughing that I thought I might burst a blood vessel or blow out an eyeball or something. Plus, I had JUST taken a big sip of chocolate milk, and I was trying not to let it dribble onto my plate. I tried to think of something really sad, but all I could come up with was Sweetie in his little sweater. Then one thought led to another, and it was just too much for me to take.

In fact, now that I think of it, that incident is probably what led to us kids having our own table in the kitchen. I'm not sure how they figured out who qualifies as a kid and who is an adult, because Uncle Cecil sits at the grown-ups' table. I know it might SOUND like Uncle Cecil is a grown-up, but he's actually only three or four years old. Great Aunt Marci adopted him a few years ago, and somehow I guess that makes him my uncle. It does make things pretty awkward sometimes.