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Once I was in, I pulled out the little stool Mom uses to reach high places, and pressed my whole hand on the iron. Don't ask me WHAT I was thinking. I ended up with a second-degree burn, and Mom's never trusted Aunt Cakey to babysit again, which I'm sure is just fine with HER.

我进去之后，拉出妈妈用来够高处的小凳子，整只手按在了熨斗上。 别问我那时候脑子里在想什么。 最后我被烫成二度烧伤，妈妈再也不放心让凯琪阿姨帮忙看孩子了，凯琪阿姨肯定也觉得这样挺好。

Mom's youngest sister is Aunt Gretchen, and she is the complete OPPOSITE of Aunt Cakey. Aunt Gretchen has twin boys named Malvin and Malcolm, who are TOTALLY wild. In fact, they're so out of control, Aunt Gretchen used to keep them on child leashes. One time when Aunt Gretchen and her kids visited, they brought their PETS with them. So it was like a zoo in our house.

妈妈的小妹妹是格蕾琴阿姨，她和凯琪阿姨的性格完全相反。 格蕾琴阿姨有一对双胞胎儿子，叫马尔文和马尔科姆，这俩小子野得不行。 实际上他俩太不听话了，格蕾琴阿姨以前出门都给他们拴儿童牵引绳。 有一次格蕾琴阿姨带孩子们来做客，连宠物都一起带来了。 那阵子我们家简直就像个动物园。

Aunt Gretchen took off for a few days to go sightseeing, and we had to take care of her kids AND her animals. It got totally out of hand when her rabbit gave birth to a litter of bunnies two days before she got back. Dad wasn't too happy about the situation, because Aunt Gretchen had told us her rabbit was a BOY. I can deal with Aunt Gretchen's pets, but her sons are a whole OTHER matter.

格蕾琴阿姨出门观光好几天，我们得帮她照顾孩子还有小动物。 结果她回来前两天，她家兔子生了一窝小兔子，事情彻底失控了。 爸爸对此特别不高兴，因为格蕾琴阿姨之前说这只兔子是公的。 格蕾琴阿姨的宠物我还能应付，但她那两个儿子完全是另一回事。

On that same visit, Malvin and Malcolm played a game of catch in our driveway with a rock or a piece of concrete or something. I admit I've done some dumb things in my life, but I don't think I've ever done anything as stupid as THAT. Before you knew it, Mom had taken Malvin to the emergency room to get stitches in his forehead, and we were responsible for Malcolm. While Mom was gone, Malcolm somehow managed to get ahold of Dad's shaving kit, and by the time we found him there was nothing anybody could do about it.

还是那次来访，马尔文和马尔科姆在我家车道玩传接球，扔的不是石头就是混凝土块之类的东西。 我承认我这辈子干过不少傻事，但我肯定没干过那么蠢的事。 没一会儿妈妈就带马尔文去急诊缝额头的伤口了，剩下我们看着马尔科姆。 妈妈走后，马尔科姆不知怎么摸到了爸爸的剃须套装，等我们找到他的时候，一切都已经无法挽回了。

Dad said if Aunt Gretchen and her boys are staying with us this time around, he's gonna get a hotel room for himself. But Mom said we are family and family should be TOGETHER. I'll tell you one person who WON'T be coming to Easter, though, and that's Aunt Veronica. She hasn't been to a family event in something like five years, or at least not in PERSON. I think being with the family stresses her out, so whenever there's a big gathering, she makes her appearance by video conference. In fact, I don't think I've seen her in the flesh since I was three or four.

爸爸说这次要是格蕾琴阿姨和孩子们来住，他就自己出去住酒店。 可妈妈说我们是一家人，一家人就该待在一起。 不过我可以告诉你，有一个人肯定不会来过复活节，那就是维罗妮卡阿姨。 她差不多五年没参加过家庭活动了，至少没亲自到场来过。 我觉得和家人待在一起让她压力很大，所以每次大型聚会，她都只通过视频会议露面。 其实我觉得，我三四岁之后就没亲眼见过她本人了。

One summer we all got together for an outdoor wedding. The ceremony lasted something like two hours and it was really hot, and I could tell Aunt Veronica was playing video games on her computer the whole time. The only aunt I haven't talked about yet is Aunt Audra. She's one of those people who believe in crystal balls and horoscopes and all that, and she doesn't do ANYTHING without talking to her

有一年夏天，我们所有人聚在一起参加一场户外婚礼。 仪式办了差不多两个小时，天还特别热，我都看出来她全程都在电脑上打游戏。 我还没讲到的阿姨就是奥德拉阿姨了。 她是那种相信水晶球、星座占卜那一套的人，做任何事都要先问问她的