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Me and Greg Heffley vandalized the school. All of a sudden, everything made sense. Rowley confessed, but he kept himself anonymous. I don't know if Rowley did it that way on purpose or if he's just a total doofus, but I'm guessing it's door number two. I didn't see any reason to play dumb at that point, so I told Vice Principal Roy the whole story. I told him about the signs and how the rain made the poster board bleed and how we panicked and ran. Vice Principal Roy thought about it for a while, and then he told me I should've come clean earlier. He said he was gonna have to give me a punishment to make sure I learned my lesson and said that after

school I had to scrub the green dye off the wall with bleach. Then he gave me a choice. He said I could name my "co-conspirator" or I could just take the punishment myself. Let me tell you, that was not an easy one. I really wanted to stick it to Rowley for writing my name on that piece of paper, but I also didn't see the point in both of us getting in trouble for something that I basically dragged him into. So I decided this time around I'd just take one for the team. And if Rowley gets into a good college or gets some

dream job later on, I hope he remembers to thank me. Thursday It took me two hours to scrub the green dye off the wall yesterday, and it was hard work. I tried to get Vice Principal Roy to get me a few steel wool pads so we could speed things along, but he told me I needed to stick with the bleach. I finally got home around 5:00 p.m., and there was a note on the front door. When I read it, I almost passed out. Town Police Department We came by, but no one was home. We will come back later. Sgt. Peters I couldn't BELIEVE Vice Principal Roy gave me up to

the police. I thought we were gonna keep this between us and that once I served my punishment, it was over and done with. All I know is, I can't go to jail. This year they took our class on a "Scared Straight" field trip to the local prison. They had these prisoners talk to us about what their lives were like in jail, and it really freaked everybody out. But it wasn't the idea of being locked up that scared me. It was the fact that the toilets in the cells are right out in the open.

I have a HUGE issue when it comes to privacy. It's bad enough at school when you come back from the bathroom and everyone wants to know all the details. DID YOU POOP? I've never actually broken the law before, but when I was little I THOUGHT I did. They used to have this thing at my supermarket called the "Cupcake Club," where they gave a free cupcake to everyone under eight years old. I had a membership card and everything.

Well, I kept taking a cupcake even AFTER I turned eight, and every time I did I thought I was gonna get busted. Then this one time an alarm went off at the EXACT moment I bit into a strawberry frosted cupcake with sprinkles. Looking back, I'm pretty sure what happened was that someone accidentally tripped the fire alarm or something, but I was convinced it was for me and that the cops were gonna swoop in and place me under arrest.