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didn't like the idea. She said I waited a long time to get that thing signed and I would really regret selling it. Mom said that when I had kids, they'd be mad I sold it because it'll be worth a lot of money. Well, that settled it for me. I've already decided I'm not HAVING any kids. I want to be a bachelor like my Uncle Charlie, who spends all his money on vacations and heated toilet seats and stuff like that, instead of forking it over to a bunch of ungrateful kids.

我不喜欢这个主意。她说我等了很长时间才让人签了名，我一定会后悔卖掉它的。 妈妈说等我有了孩子，他们会生气我卖掉它因为它会值很多钱。 好吧，那我就解决了。 我已经决定不要孩子了。 我想成为像我查理叔叔那样的单身汉，他把所有的钱都花在度假和加热马桶座圈之类的东西上，而不是把钱给一群忘恩负义的孩子。

I can thank my librarian, Mrs. Schneiderman, for getting me into the "Tower of Druids" series to begin with, because she's the one who started the graphic novel section in our school library. I don't know when they started calling comic books graphic novels, but I'm glad they did. Some of the teachers complain that they don't count as REAL reading, but the way I see it, if they're in the library, they're fair game for book reports.

我要感谢我的图书管理员施奈德曼夫人，是她让我开始读《德鲁伊之塔》（Tower of Druids）系列，因为是她开创了我们学校图书馆的图画小说部分。 我不知道他们什么时候开始称漫画书为图画小说，但我很高兴他们这么叫了。 一些老师抱怨说，他们不算作真正的阅读，但在我看来，如果他们在图书馆，他们是公平的游戏读书报告。

Unfortunately, when Mrs. Schneiderman put in the graphic novels, she got rid of the Easy Reader section. I always used the books in the Easy Reader section to do my reports for Social Studies, because you could whip through one of them in about forty- five seconds.

不幸的是，当施奈德曼太太把图画小说放进去的时候，她把易读版去掉了。 我总是用易读部分的书来做社会研究的报告，因为你可以在45秒内迅速读完一本。

When I was little I used to want to be an author myself. But whenever I started telling Mom my ideas, she'd say my story was just like some book that was already published. I realized all the good ideas were taken before I was even born. Mom said if I wanted to be an author, I should try coming up with something original. But it was really hard coming up with a fresh idea, so I just took one of my favorite books and more or less copied it word

当我小的时候，我曾经想成为一名作家。 但每当我开始告诉妈妈我的想法时，她就会说我的故事就像一本已经出版的书。 我意识到所有的好主意都在我出生前就被拿走了。 妈妈说如果我想成为一名作家，我就应该试着写出一些原创的东西。 但是想出一个新想法真的很难，所以我就拿了一本我最喜欢的书，或多或少地照搬了一遍

for word with a few small tweaks. When Mom read what I wrote, she was really impressed, and I guess she thought I was some kind of genius or something. But I think Mom got a little carried away. She sent my book to a publisher in New York, who told her I'd plagiarized "Geoffrey the Gorilla," which was already a bestselling kids' book. Mom was pretty mad at me for passing off the book as my own, but I'm surprised she couldn't figure it out herself from reading it.

有一些小改动的单词。 当妈妈读到我写的东西时，她真的很感动，我猜她认为我是个天才什么的。 但我觉得妈妈有点忘乎所以了。 她把我的书寄给了纽约的一家出版商，出版商告诉她，我抄袭了《大猩猩杰弗里》（Geoffrey the Gorilla），而这本书已经是一本畅销的儿童读物了。 妈妈很生气，因为我把那本书当作我自己的，但我很惊讶她自己读了这本书都没能弄明白。

Dinosaur swings from vine to vine. He perches in a tree and pounds his chest. Thursday Well, it turns out my first-edition copy of "Tower of Druids" is totally worthless. I brought it to the comic book shop yesterday afternoon hoping to cash in, but the guy who works there told me the autograph was a forgery.

恐龙在藤上荡来荡去。 他栖息在一棵树上，捶打着自己的胸膛。 星期四看来我的第一版《德鲁伊之塔》一文不值。 昨天下午我把它带到漫画书店，希望能变现，但店员告诉我签名是伪造的。