9

who qualified as a "pre-teen." Every year our church does this thing called the "Giving Tree," where people in need put their requests in envelopes and hang them on the tree. Then a family picks a random envelope, and whatever it says inside is what they're supposed to buy. Adult male requests a scarf and a pair of gloves. As far as I know, there aren't any rules about who's allowed to put a request on the Giving Tree, so I

他符合“青春期前”的标准。 每年我们教会都会做一件叫做“捐赠树”的事，需要帮助的人把他们的请求放在信封里，挂在树上。 然后一个家庭随机挑选一个信封，里面写的就是他们应该买的东西。 成年男子要一条围巾和一副手套。 据我所知，没有规定谁可以在捐赠树上提出请求，所以我

decided to try my luck and fill out a form of my own. But something told me Mom and Dad wouldn't approve, so I made sure it couldn't be traced back to me. Juvenile male requests cash, as much as you are willing to donate. Please leave the money in an unmarked envelope under the recycling bin behind the church. P.S. Make sure you're not followed. Monday This year at school they taped off a bunch of tables in the cafeteria so kids with nut allergies could eat in a separate section. I think it's great the school did that, but it means there's a lot less room for the rest of us to sit.

我决定碰碰运气，自己填一张表格。 但直觉告诉我爸妈不会同意的，所以我确保这件事不会被追查到我身上。 少男要钱，你愿意捐多少捐多少。 请把钱放在教堂后面的回收箱下面一个没有标记的信封里。 注：确保没人跟踪你。 星期一今年在学校，他们用胶带封住了食堂的几张桌子，这样对坚果过敏的孩子就可以在一个单独的区域吃饭了。 我觉得学校这么做很好，但这意味着我们剩下的人坐的地方少了很多。

I'm not sure anyone at my school is actually allergic to nuts, though, because for the first two months of this year the tables in the taped-off area were completely empty. But I guess Ricardo Freedman liked the idea of all that elbow room, because today he plopped himself down in the middle of the Nut-Free Zone and ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he brought from home. Today we had a general assembly, and everyone was all excited because they told us we were gonna get to watch a movie. But it was just one of those educational films about healthy eating.

不过，我不确定学校里是否有人真的对坚果过敏，因为在今年的头两个月里，胶带区的桌子完全是空的。 但我猜里卡多·弗里德曼（Ricardo Freedman）喜欢这种肘部空间，因为今天他一屁股坐在无坚果区中央，吃了两个从家里带来的花生酱和果冻三明治。 今天我们开了一个大会，每个人都很兴奋，因为他们告诉我们，我们可以看电影了。 但这只是一部关于健康饮食的教育片。

THE NUTRITIONAUTS VS. THE GREASY GRIMELICKS I know I need to eat healthier, but if you take fast food out of my diet I'm in big trouble, because I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget. The school has really been cracking down on junk food in the cafeteria. Last week they replaced the soda machine with a bottled water machine, but if they're gonna charge a dollar for a bottle of water, they should probably think of a better place to put it.

营养VS.油腻我知道我需要吃得更健康，但如果你把快餐从我的饮食中剔除，我就有大麻烦了，因为我可能有95%是鸡块。 学校一直在取缔食堂里的垃圾食品。 上周他们把汽水机换成了瓶装水机，但如果他们要对一瓶水收费一美元，他们可能应该想一个更好的地方放它。

The school also got rid of a bunch of menu items, like hot dogs and pizza, and replaced them with healthier stuff. They even replaced french fries with a new item called "Extreme Sports Stix," but it took everyone about five seconds to figure out that Extreme Sports Stix are just sliced carrots. I usually bring a bagged lunch to school, but the one thing I would always buy from the cafeteria was a chocolate chip cookie. Last week, though, the

学校还取消了一些菜单项目，比如热狗和披萨，代之以更健康的食物。 他们甚至用一种名为“极限运动棒”的新产品取代了薯条，但每个人都花了大约五秒钟的时间才发现极限运动棒只是切片胡萝卜。 我通常带一袋午餐去学校，但我总是从自助餐厅买一样东西，那就是巧克力饼干。 然而，上周

chocolate chip cookies were replaced by oatmeal raisin cookies. I still buy them, but I eat around the raisins, which is a lot of work. I can't tell you HOW many times I've bitten into an oatmeal raisin cookie thinking it was chocolate chip. I have a theory that oatmeal raisin cookies were invented as a practical joke a long time ago and that they were never actually meant to be eaten. Most of the kids at school aren't too bothered by all the menu changes, but the thing that really set people off was when they took away the energy drinks.

巧克力饼干被燕麦葡萄干饼干取代。 我还是会买，但我是在葡萄干周围吃的，这需要很多工作。 我都记不清有多少次我咬着燕麦葡萄干饼干，以为那是巧克力片。 我有一个理论，燕麦葡萄干饼干是很久以前作为一个恶作剧发明的，实际上它们从来没有被用来吃。 学校里的大多数孩子都不太在意菜单的变化，但真正让人们生气的是他们拿走能量饮料的时候。