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who qualified as a "pre-teen." Every year our church does this thing called the "Giving Tree," where people in need put their requests in envelopes and hang them on the tree. Then a family picks a random envelope, and whatever it says inside is what they're supposed to buy. Adult male requests a scarf and a pair of gloves. As far as I know, there aren't any rules about who's allowed to put a request on the Giving Tree, so I

decided to try my luck and fill out a form of my own. But something told me Mom and Dad wouldn't approve, so I made sure it couldn't be traced back to me. Juvenile male requests cash, as much as you are willing to donate. Please leave the money in an unmarked envelope under the recycling bin behind the church. P.S. Make sure you're not followed. Monday This year at school they taped off a bunch of tables in the cafeteria so kids with nut allergies could eat in a separate section. I think it's great the school did that, but it means there's a lot less room for the rest of us to sit.

I'm not sure anyone at my school is actually allergic to nuts, though, because for the first two months of this year the tables in the taped-off area were completely empty. But I guess Ricardo Freedman liked the idea of all that elbow room, because today he plopped himself down in the middle of the Nut-Free Zone and ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he brought from home. Today we had a general assembly, and everyone was all excited because they told us we were gonna get to watch a movie. But it was just one of those educational films about healthy eating.

THE NUTRITIONAUTS VS. THE GREASY GRIMELICKS I know I need to eat healthier, but if you take fast food out of my diet I'm in big trouble, because I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget. The school has really been cracking down on junk food in the cafeteria. Last week they replaced the soda machine with a bottled water machine, but if they're gonna charge a dollar for a bottle of water, they should probably think of a better place to put it.

The school also got rid of a bunch of menu items, like hot dogs and pizza, and replaced them with healthier stuff. They even replaced french fries with a new item called "Extreme Sports Stix," but it took everyone about five seconds to figure out that Extreme Sports Stix are just sliced carrots. I usually bring a bagged lunch to school, but the one thing I would always buy from the cafeteria was a chocolate chip cookie. Last week, though, the

chocolate chip cookies were replaced by oatmeal raisin cookies. I still buy them, but I eat around the raisins, which is a lot of work. I can't tell you HOW many times I've bitten into an oatmeal raisin cookie thinking it was chocolate chip. I have a theory that oatmeal raisin cookies were invented as a practical joke a long time ago and that they were never actually meant to be eaten. Most of the kids at school aren't too bothered by all the menu changes, but the thing that really set people off was when they took away the energy drinks.