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Then nobody would go to the bathroom, and everyone who actually needed to go decided to just hold it until the end of the day. The principal eventually had to shut the school down early because nobody was washing their hands and we're right in the middle of flu season. Mom was off at the library studying, so I had to call Dad at work and ask him to come pick me up from school early. And he didn't seem too happy about it.

这样就没人会去洗手间了，而所有真正需要去洗手间的人都决定等到下班后再去。 校长最终不得不提前关闭了学校，因为没有人洗手，而我们正处于流感高发期。 妈妈去图书馆学习了，所以我不得不打电话给上班的爸爸，让他早点来学校接我。 他似乎对此不太高兴。

But if he didn't make me wake myself up, none of this would've even happened. Wednesday They're starting a new unit in our Health class called "The Facts of Life," and apparently it covers all the stuff they've been dancing around for the past couple of months. They sent permission slips home, and if you don't get yours signed, you're not allowed to even be in the classroom for the rest of the semester. I really don't like this permission slip thing. Mom only lets me watch G-rated movies, so I know there's no way she'll let me be in the class.

但如果不是他让我醒过来，这一切都不会发生。 他们在我们的健康课上开始了一个新的单元，叫做“生命的真相”，显然它涵盖了他们在过去几个月里一直在跳舞的所有东西。 他们给你发了同意书，如果你没有在同意书上签字，你这学期就不能再进教室了。 我真的不喜欢这张同意书。 妈妈只让我看g级电影，所以我知道她不可能让我去上课。

To get around that problem, I typed up a fake note and taped it on top of the actual permission slip. I give my child permission to do extra homework, Luckily, Mom didn't look at the paper too closely, and I got the signature I needed. I'm actually glad they're doing this "Facts of Life" unit, because I have a lot of questions about this stuff, and I don't have a reliable way of getting answers. Just about everything I know in this department comes from Albert Sandy, and I'm starting to

为了解决这个问题，我打了一张假纸条，并把它贴在实际的许可单上。 我允许我的孩子做额外的作业，幸运的是，妈妈没有看得太仔细，我得到了我需要的签名。 事实上，我很高兴他们做了这个“生命真相”单元，因为我有很多关于这方面的问题，而我没有可靠的方法来得到答案。 我在这个部门所知道的一切都来自艾伯特·桑迪，我也开始这么做了

wonder if he's been feeding me bad information. Like last week, he told everyone at the lunch table that it's medically impossible for a girl to fart. Well, I know that's not true because of the time Mom hugged Aunt Dorothy on Christmas Eve. Anyway, today was the first day of the "Facts of Life" unit, and sure enough, Nurse Powell sent the kids whose parents wouldn't sign their permission slips down to the library to be "special helpers" for the day.

不知道他是不是给了我坏消息。 就像上周，他在午餐桌上告诉所有人，从医学上讲，女孩不可能放屁。 我知道这不是真的，因为妈妈在平安夜拥抱多萝西阿姨的那次。 不管怎么说，今天是“生命真相”单元的第一天，毫无疑问，鲍威尔护士把那些父母不愿在同意书上签字的孩子送到图书馆做当天的“特别助手”。

The rest of us were pretty excited, because we couldn't wait to hear all the juicy stuff Nurse Powell was about to tell us. But it didn't go the way I expected at ALL. Nurse Powell put some charts up on the easel and started talking about "zygotes" and "chromosomes" and a whole bunch of other scientific nonsense. I kept waiting for her to tell us this was all a big joke and then get to the good stuff, but it never happened. So I'm guessing the school is just trying to confuse us to make us lose interest.

我们其余的人都很兴奋，因为我们迫不及待地想听鲍威尔护士要告诉我们的那些有趣的事情。 但事情并没有像我想象的那样发展。 鲍威尔护士在画架上放了一些图表，开始谈论“受精卵”和“染色体”以及一大堆其他的科学废话。 我一直在等她告诉我们这只是个大玩笑，然后说点好听的，但她一直没说。 所以我猜学校只是想迷惑我们让我们失去兴趣。

Anyway, if the school IS trying to confuse us, they're doing a pretty good job. At lunch we tried to explain what we learned in the "Facts of Life" unit to the kids who didn't get their permission slips signed, and we couldn't agree on a single thing. Saturday Another thing Dad's in charge of now that Mom's back in school is taking us kids to our dentist appointments. Most kids don't like going to the dentist, but I actually look FORWARD to it. I've been going to the same dentist since I was two years old, and they are totally my type of operation.

不管怎样，如果学校是想迷惑我们，他们做得很好。 午餐时，我们试着向那些没有在同意书上签字的孩子们解释我们在“生活真相”单元中学到的东西，但我们在一件事上无法达成一致。 星期六妈妈回学校后爸爸负责的另一件事是带我们孩子去看牙医。 大多数孩子都不喜欢看牙医，但我却盼望着看牙医。 我从两岁起就一直看同一个牙医，他们完全是我的手术类型。