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CAREFUL, IT'S VERY HOT! I blew on my spaghetti for a while to cool it down. But what I didn't know was that Rodrick never actually heated my spaghetti in the microwave-he just pretended to. So when I bit into a meatball, it was ice cold. After that experience, I doubt I'll ever be able to eat leftovers again. And the bagged lunch thing isn't working out, either. This week Rodrick was in charge of making lunches, and he wrote a note on my bag, just like Mom does.

Dear Greg, Make sure to change your diaper after lunch. Love, Mommy I didn't even bother eating the sandwich, since I've never seen Rodrick wash his hands even once. My chore for the week is laundry, and I can't wait until my shift is over. For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear.

Friday One of the big changes with Mom going to school is that now Dad's in charge of helping me with my homework. No offense to Dad, but Mom is WAY better at homework help than he is. When Mom helps me do my homework, she basically gives me all the answers, and I'm in and out in ten minutes. It's a whole different story with Dad. He wants to teach me HOW to do the work, and that's a lot more time-consuming. Plus, it's been a long time since Dad

was in school, so I have to sit there and wait while he reads my textbooks and gets caught up. But math is the worst. I guess the way they teach math these days is totally different from the way they taught it when Dad was a kid, so he gets frustrated with the new rules and starts trying to teach me the way he learned it. NO, NO, NO... YOU NEED TO ADD THE NUMBERS IN THIS COLUMN AND CARRY THE FOUR. WHAT DOES "CARRY" MEAN? Dad also licks his finger and his thumb to make it easier for him to turn the pages. And when he does that, I try and keep track of which pages he turns so I don't touch his spit.

But with all those numbers in my head, it doesn't leave a lot of room for math facts. I can tell when I've done something wrong, because Dad gets kind of frustrated with me and breathes real heavy out of his nose. So I've learned to put a dish towel on my arm whenever we're working on Algebra. By the time it's over, two hours have gone by and it's time for me to go to bed. All I can say is, I hope Mom wraps up her classes pretty quick, because I'm a person who really needs his TV time at night.

Monday This math thing is becoming a problem. We have "standardized testing" coming up at my school, and I heard that the teachers won't get their bonuses unless we get good scores. So there's a lot of pressure on us kids, which kind of stinks. I remember back in kindergarten, math used to be really FUN. ONE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE PLUS ANOTHER CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE IS... TWO! TWO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!!! Mrs. Mackelroy says that if we don't do well on the test, we'll lose our budget and music class will turn into detention, or something like that. But I don't think kids are really getting the message. A few weeks ago we had a math quiz, and Mrs. Mackelroy said it was "open notebook," which meant we could