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Patricia and Uncle Tony. The last time I saw Benjy, he could only say two things— NO SHUT UP! Benjy can speak in full sentences now, and his parents say he's reading chapter books. But I wouldn't be bragging if my son could read and still wasn't potty trained. Great Uncle Arthur was in the den, sitting in the recliner in front of the TV. I don't think I've ever had an actual conversation with Great Uncle Arthur, because all he does is grunt and make these random sounds. He stayed with us one Thanksgiving weekend, and it was like that the whole time.

I can't tell if he's trying to communicate or what, but every once in a while I respond, just in case. UMM... NO THANK YOU. Great Aunt Reba was there, too, which kind of surprised me. A few years ago Gammie invited everyone to her house on Christmas, but she accidentally forgot to send an invitation to Great Aunt Reba. She showed up anyway, but she refused to take off her coat, and she just sat there in the living room, making us all feel guilty.

Dad's second cousin Terrence was there, and the only reason I mention him is because everyone always says I look EXACTLY like he did when he was my age, which is really depressing. In fact, when I first heard that, I looked through Gammie's photo album to see if it was true. And unfortunately, it was.

So I guess I'd better start saving up my money for plastic surgery. Dad's cousin Byron was there, and I wasn't too excited to see him, either. At the last family reunion, Gammie sent Byron out to get milk and I rode with him. But he hit a pothole and got a flat tire about half a mile from the house.

Byron told me to go to the house and get help, and on my way back it started raining. When I walked through the front door, all the ladies in the kitchen started yelling at me for tracking mud on the floor. They told me to take my shoes off and put them in the mudroom, which I did. But all that yelling must've rattled me, because I forgot all about Byron's flat tire. And when he came back to the house a half hour later, he wasn't too happy. Uncle Charlie was there, and I was really glad to see

him because he's always got his pockets stuffed with candy for us kids. But I didn't always like Uncle Charlie, because he used to tease me when I was little. I used to have this pair of red footie pajamas, and every time Uncle Charlie saw me, he'd say the same thing— HEY THERE, RED! For some reason it really got under my skin. I told Mom how I felt, and she took me to the store to get some new pajamas, which were blue. So the next time I saw Uncle Charlie, I knew I had him beat.