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I had this four-page Biology paper due today, but last night I kind of got caught up in this show I was watching. So I had to try to write the whole thing in the computer lab during recess today. I didn't have a lot of time to do any research, so I played with the margins and the font size to stretch what I had to four pages. But I'm pretty sure Ms. Nolan is gonna call me on it.

CHIMPS A four-page paper by GREG HEFFLEY This is a chimpanzee, or "chimp" for short. Chimps are the subject of the paper you're holding in your hand right now.

Chimps are supposed to be smart, but I'm not so sure that's true. Well, it looks like I'm out of paper, so I guess this is THE END. Yesterday I actually got a "zero" on a quiz in Geography. But in my defense, it was really hard to study for the quiz and watch football at the same

time. To be honest with you, I don't think teachers should be making us memorize all this stuff to begin with, because in the future everyone is going to have a personal robot that tells you whatever you need to know. ROBOT! WHAT'S THE LARGEST ESTUARY IN THE WORLD? THE OB RIVER, IN RUSSIA. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Speaking of teachers, today Mrs. Craig was in a really bad mood. That's because the big dictionary that usually sits on her desk was missing. I'm sure someone just borrowed it and forgot to put it back, but the word Mrs. Craig kept using was

"stole." Mrs. Craig said that if the dictionary wasn't returned to her desk before the end of the period, she was keeping everyone inside for recess. Then she told us she was going to leave the room, and that if the "culprit" returned the dictionary to her desk, there wouldn't be any consequences, and there would be no questions asked. Mrs. Craig made Patty Farrell class monitor and left the room. Patty takes her job as class monitor really seriously, and when she's in charge, nobody dares to step out of line.

I was just hoping the person who took the dictionary would hurry up and come clean, because I had two cartons of chocolate milk for lunch. But nobody did come forward. And sure enough, Mrs. Craig stuck to her promise and kept us inside for recess. Then she said she was gonna keep us inside every day until the dictionary was returned. Friday