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vacation. Dad tried to convince me that this would be a great thing for me, and how Spag Union would really whip me into shape. But going off to boot camp was not the way I was planning on spending my school break. I told Dad I won't last a day at Spag Union. First of all, they mix kids my age in with teenagers, and that can't be a good thing. I'm sure the older kids would single me out on the first day. WIMP! But what I'm actually a lot more concerned with is the bathroom situation. I'll bet Spag Union is one of these places that has open showers with no stall doors, and that kind of setup is not for me.

假期。爸爸试图说服我，这对我来说将是一件很棒的事情，以及射击联盟将如何真正地锻炼我。 但是去新兵训练营并不是我打算度过学校假期的方式。 我跟老爸说我一天都待不下去了。 首先，他们把我这个年龄的孩子和青少年混在一起，这不是一件好事。 我相信大一点的孩子会在第一天把我挑出来。 懦弱的人!但我更关心的是卫生间的情况。 我敢打赌射击联盟是那种没有隔间门的开放式淋浴房，这种设置不适合我。

When it comes to the bathroom, I need my privacy. I don't even use the bathroom at school unless it's an absolute emergency. A few classrooms in our school have bathrooms right in them, but I can't even use those, because every little sound you make is broadcast to the whole room. The only other option is to use the cafeteria bathroom, and that place is a complete madhouse. Somebody got the idea a few weeks ago to start throwing wet toilet paper around, so now that place

上厕所的时候，我需要自己的隐私。 除非有紧急情况，否则我在学校是不会上厕所的。 我们学校的一些教室里就有浴室，但我甚至不能使用它们，因为你发出的每一个声音都会传播到整个房间。 唯一的其他选择是使用自助餐厅的浴室，那地方完全是一个疯人院。 几周前有人想了个主意开始到处扔湿卫生纸，所以现在那个地方

is like a war zone. I can't concentrate in that kind of an environment, so I basically have to hold it until I get home from school. A couple of days ago, something happened that changed the situation. The janitor put some new air fresheners in the bathroom. I started a rumor that the air fresheners were actually security cameras to catch whoever was throwing the wet toilet paper.

就像战场一样。在那种环境下我无法集中注意力，所以我基本上只能憋着直到放学回家。 几天前，发生了一件事，改变了局面。 清洁工在浴室里放了一些新的空气清新剂。 我散布谣言说空气清新剂实际上是监控摄像头用来捕捉扔湿卫生纸的人。

I guess I must've told the right people, because from that point on the cafeteria bathroom has been quieter than the library. I might've solved the bathroom problem at school, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to pull off the same kind of trick at Spag Union. And I seriously doubt I can hold it for the whole summer.

我想我一定是告诉对了人，因为从那时起食堂的洗手间就比图书馆安静多了。 我可能在学校解决了厕所的问题，但我觉得我在射击联盟就没办法了。 我很怀疑我能憋一整个夏天。

I knew I wasn't gonna convince Dad to change his mind, so I went to Mom. I told her I didn't want to go to a place where they make you shave your head and do push-ups each day at 5:00 every morning. I figured she'd agree with me and talk some sense into Dad. But it looks like Mom isn't gonna be any help to me after all. I THINK YOU'D LOOK SO HANDSOME IN A UNIFORM! Wednesday I knew I needed to do something quick to convince Dad that I was tough and didn't need to go to military academy. So I told him I wanted to join the Boy Scouts. Dad seemed really enthusiastic about the idea, so

我知道我没法说服爸爸改变主意，所以我去找了妈妈。 我告诉她，我不想去一个每天早上5点让你剃光头做俯卧撑的地方。 我想她会同意我的意见，跟爸爸讲点道理。 但看来妈妈终究帮不上我什么忙了。 我觉得你穿制服一定很帅！星期三，我知道我得赶快做点什么，让爸爸相信我很坚强，不需要去军校。 所以我告诉他我想加入童子军。 爸爸似乎对这个主意很感兴趣，所以

that was a relief. Besides trying to find a way to get Dad off my back, I have a couple of other reasons for wanting to join the Boy Scouts. Number one, Boy Scout meetings are on Sundays, so that means I can quit soccer. And number two, it's about time I start getting some respect from the other kids at school. ATTENSHUN! AS YOU WERE, GENTLEMEN! There are actually two Boy Scout troops in my town: Troop 24, which is right in our neighborhood, and Troop 133, which is about five miles down the road. Troop 133 is always having hot dog roasts and pool parties and stuff like that, but Troop 24 is constantly out doing community service projects on the weekends. So I'm definitely more of a Troop 133

这让我松了一口气。除了想找个办法让爸爸不再烦我之外，我想加入童子军还有其他几个原因。 第一，童子军聚会在周日，所以我可以不踢足球了。 第二，是时候从学校其他孩子那里得到尊重了。 ATTENSHUN !就像你们一样，先生们！我们镇上实际上有两支童子军：第24队，就在我们附近；第133队，就在这条路5英里远的地方。 133部队总是有热狗烧烤和泳池派对之类的东西，但24部队经常在周末做社区服务项目。 所以我绝对是133部队的一员