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vacation. Dad tried to convince me that this would be a great thing for me, and how Spag Union would really whip me into shape. But going off to boot camp was not the way I was planning on spending my school break. I told Dad I won't last a day at Spag Union. First of all, they mix kids my age in with teenagers, and that can't be a good thing. I'm sure the older kids would single me out on the first day. WIMP! But what I'm actually a lot more concerned with is the bathroom situation. I'll bet Spag Union is one of these places that has open showers with no stall doors, and that kind of setup is not for me.

When it comes to the bathroom, I need my privacy. I don't even use the bathroom at school unless it's an absolute emergency. A few classrooms in our school have bathrooms right in them, but I can't even use those, because every little sound you make is broadcast to the whole room. The only other option is to use the cafeteria bathroom, and that place is a complete madhouse. Somebody got the idea a few weeks ago to start throwing wet toilet paper around, so now that place

is like a war zone. I can't concentrate in that kind of an environment, so I basically have to hold it until I get home from school. A couple of days ago, something happened that changed the situation. The janitor put some new air fresheners in the bathroom. I started a rumor that the air fresheners were actually security cameras to catch whoever was throwing the wet toilet paper.

I guess I must've told the right people, because from that point on the cafeteria bathroom has been quieter than the library. I might've solved the bathroom problem at school, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to pull off the same kind of trick at Spag Union. And I seriously doubt I can hold it for the whole summer.

I knew I wasn't gonna convince Dad to change his mind, so I went to Mom. I told her I didn't want to go to a place where they make you shave your head and do push-ups each day at 5:00 every morning. I figured she'd agree with me and talk some sense into Dad. But it looks like Mom isn't gonna be any help to me after all. I THINK YOU'D LOOK SO HANDSOME IN A UNIFORM! Wednesday I knew I needed to do something quick to convince Dad that I was tough and didn't need to go to military academy. So I told him I wanted to join the Boy Scouts. Dad seemed really enthusiastic about the idea, so

that was a relief. Besides trying to find a way to get Dad off my back, I have a couple of other reasons for wanting to join the Boy Scouts. Number one, Boy Scout meetings are on Sundays, so that means I can quit soccer. And number two, it's about time I start getting some respect from the other kids at school. ATTENSHUN! AS YOU WERE, GENTLEMEN! There are actually two Boy Scout troops in my town: Troop 24, which is right in our neighborhood, and Troop 133, which is about five miles down the road. Troop 133 is always having hot dog roasts and pool parties and stuff like that, but Troop 24 is constantly out doing community service projects on the weekends. So I'm definitely more of a Troop 133