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school is the only one in the state that still makes all the kids give cards to one another. Last year I was actually looking forward to the card swap. The night before Valentine's Day, I spent a lot of time making an awesome card for this girl named Natasha who I kind of liked. Beloved Natasha- For you, a fire blages in my heart so strong that the embers alone could bring a thousand hot tubs to a boil So intense that it causes snowmen everywhere to despair Let the bonfire of my love wrap you in its warmth Only your kiss could quench the flames that so consume me To you I pledge my love, my desire, my life Greg I showed Mom my card to check for spelling errors, but she said what I wrote wasn't "age appropriate." She told me maybe I should just get Natasha a little box of candy or something, but I wasn't about to take romantic advice from my mother. At school everyone went around the room and put their Valentine's cards in one another's boxes, but I delivered my card to Natasha personally.

I let her read it , and then I waited to see what she made for me. Natasha dug around in her box and pulled out this cheap store-bought card that was supposed to be for her friend Chantelle, who was out sick that day. Then Natasha scribbled out her friend's name and put my name on it instead.

To: Chantelle From: Natasha Dreg I think you're FAR OUT Anyway, you can probably see why I wasn't too enthusiastic about the card exchange this year. Last night I came up with a great idea. I knew I had to make a card for everyone in the class, but instead of being all mushy and saying things I didn't really mean, I told everyone exactly what I thought of them.

Dear James, You smell. A few of the kids complained about the cards to our teacher, Mrs. Riser, and then she went around the room trying to figure out who sent them. I knew Mrs. Riser would think that whoever didn't get a card was the culprit, but I was prepared for that, because I made a card for myself, too. Dear Greg, I hate your guts. After the card exchange came the Valentine's Dance. The dance was originally supposed to be at night, but I guess they couldn't get enough parents to volunteer to be chaperones. So they put the dance smack in

the middle of the school day instead. The teachers started rounding everyone up and sending them down to the auditorium at around 1:00. Anyone who didn't want to cough up the two bucks for admission had to go down to Mr. Ray's room for study hall. But it was pretty obvious to most of us that "study hall" was basically the same thing as detention. The rest of us filed into the gym and sat in the bleachers. I don't know why, but all the boys sat on one side of the gym, and all the girls sat on the other. Once everyone was inside the gym, the teachers started the music. But whoever picked out the songs is seriously out of touch with what kids are listening to these days.

For the first fifteen minutes or so, no one moved a muscle. Then Mr. Phillips, the guidance counselor, and Nurse Powell walked to the middle of the gym and started dancing. I guess. Mr. Phillips and Nurse Powell thought if they started dancing, all the kids would come down onto the floor and join them. All they really did was guarantee that everyone stayed in their seat.