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January New Year's Day You know how you're supposed to come up with a list of "resolutions" at the beginning of the year to try to make yourself a better person? Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm already pretty much one of the best people I know. So this year my resolution is to try and help other people improve. But the thing I'm finding out is that some people don't really appreciate it when you're trying to be helpful.

你知道在新年伊始，为了让自己成为一个更好的人，你应该如何列出一系列“决心”吗？ 问题是，对我来说，想办法提高自己并不容易，因为我已经是我认识的最好的人之一了。 所以今年我的决心是试着帮助别人进步。 但我发现的是，当你想帮忙的时候，有些人并不真的感激。

I THINK YOU SHOULD WORK ON CHEWING YOUR POTATO CHIPS MORE QUIETLY. One thing I noticed right off the bat is that the people in my family are doing a lousy job sticking to their New Year's resolutions. Mom said she was gonna start going to the gym today, but she spent the whole afternoon watching TV. And Dad said he was gonna go on a strict diet, but after dinner I caught him out in the garage, stuffing his face with brownies.

我觉得你应该学着更小声地嚼薯片。 我立刻注意到的一件事是，我家里的人在坚持新年决心方面做得很糟糕。 妈妈说她今天要去健身房，但她整个下午都在看电视。 爸爸说他要严格控制饮食，但晚饭后我发现他在车库里，往嘴里塞巧克力蛋糕。

SLORK SLORK Even my little brother, Manny, couldn't stick with his resolution. This morning he told everyone that he's a "big boy" and he's giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash. Well, that New Year's resolution didn't even last a full minute.

就连我的小弟弟曼尼也不能坚持他的决心。 今天早上，他告诉大家他是个“大男孩”，他要永远放弃奶嘴了。 然后他把他最喜欢的奶嘴扔进了垃圾桶。 好吧，这个新年决心甚至没有持续一分钟。

SUCK SUCK SUCK The only person in my family who didn't come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that's a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long. So I decided to come up with a program to help Rodrick be a better person. I called my plan" Three Strikes and You're Out." The basic idea was that every time I saw Rodrick messing up, I'd mark a little "X" on his chart. Well, Rodrick got all three strikes before I even had a chance to decide what "You're Out" meant. PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH

我家里唯一没有下决心的人是我哥哥罗德里克，这很遗憾，因为他的清单应该有一英里半长。 所以我决定想出一个计划来帮助罗德里克成为一个更好的人。 我把我的计划叫做“三振出局” 基本的想法是，每次我看到罗德里克搞砸了，我就在他的病历上标记一个小“X”。 我还没来得及想清楚“你出局”是什么意思罗德里克就三振出局了。 打拳打拳

Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I should just bag my resolution, too. It's a lot of work, and so far I haven't really made any progress. Besides, after I reminded Mom for like the billionth time to stop chewing her potato chips so loud, she made a really good point. She said," "Everyone can't be as perfect as You, Gregory." And from what I've seen so far, I think she's right. Thursday Dad is giving this diet thing another try, and that's bad news for me. He's gone about three days without eating any chocolate, and he's been super cranky. The other day, after Dad woke me up and told me to get ready for school, I accidentally fell back asleep. Believe me, that's the last time I'll make that mistake.

不管怎样，我开始想我是不是也该把我的决心收起来。 有很多工作要做，到目前为止我还没有取得任何进展。 再说了，在我无数次提醒妈妈不要那么大声地嚼薯片之后，她说得很对。 她说：“格雷戈里，不是每个人都像你一样完美。” 就我目前所见，我认为她是对的。 星期四，爸爸又要尝试节食了，这对我来说是个坏消息。 他已经三天没吃巧克力了，而且他一直很暴躁。 有一天，爸爸把我叫醒，叫我准备去上学，我不小心又睡着了。 相信我，这是我最后一次犯那样的错误。