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Then I remembered: I still had the Cheese Touch from last year. I got the Cheese Touch in the last week of school, and over the summer I COMPLETELY forgot about it. The problem with the Cheese Touch is that you've got it until you can pass it on to someone else. But nobody would even get within thirty feet of me, so I knew I was gonna be stuck with the Cheese Touch for the whole school year. Luckily, there was a new kid named Jeremy Pindle in homeroom, so that took care of THAT problem.

My first class was Pre-Algebra, and the teacher put me right next to Alex Aruda, the smartest kid in the whole class. Alex is SUPER easy to copy off of, because he always finishes his test early and puts his paper down on the floor next to him. So if I ever get in a pinch, it's nice to know I can count on Alex to bail me out. Kids whose last names start with the first few letters of the alphabet get called on the most by the teacher, and that's why they end up being the smartest. Some people think that's not true, but if you want to come down to my school, I can prove it.

I can only think of one kid who broke the last-name rule, and that's Peter Uteger. Peter was the smartest kid in the class all the way up until the fifth grade. That's when a bunch of us started giving him a hard time about how his initials sounded when you said them out loud. These days, Peter doesn't raise his hand at ALL, and he's pretty much a C student. I guess I feel a little bad about the whole P. U. thing

and what happened to Peter. But it's hard not to take credit whenever it comes up. Anyway, today I got pretty decent seats in all my classes except seventh-period History. My teacher is Mr. Huff, and something tells me he had Rodrick as a student a few years back.

Wednesday Mom has been making me and Rodrick help out more around the house, and now the two of us are responsible for doing the dishes every night. The rule is that we're not allowed to watch any TV or play video games until all the dishes are done. But let me just say that Rodrick is the WORST dishes partner in the world. As soon as dinner is over, he goes upstairs to the bathroom and camps out there for an hour. And by the time he comes back downstairs, I'm already done. But if I ever complain to Mom and Dad, Rodrick always pulls out the same lame excuse:

I think Mom and Dad are too worried about my little brother, Manny, to get involved in a fight between me and Rodrick right now anyway. Yesterday, Manny drew a picture at day care, and Mom and Dad got really upset when they found it in his backpack. Mom and Dad thought the picture was supposed to be of THEM, so now they're acting all lovely in front of Manny.