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Then I remembered: I still had the Cheese Touch from last year. I got the Cheese Touch in the last week of school, and over the summer I COMPLETELY forgot about it. The problem with the Cheese Touch is that you've got it until you can pass it on to someone else. But nobody would even get within thirty feet of me, so I knew I was gonna be stuck with the Cheese Touch for the whole school year. Luckily, there was a new kid named Jeremy Pindle in homeroom, so that took care of THAT problem.

然后我想起来了：我还留着去年的奶酪之触。 我在上学的最后一周得到了“奶酪之触”，整个夏天我都完全忘记了它。 “奶酪之触”的问题在于，你一直拥有它，直到你能把它传给别人。 但是没有人愿意靠近我三十英尺，所以我知道我整个学年都要被奶酪之触困住了。 幸运的是，有一个新来的孩子叫杰里米·平德尔，所以这个问题就解决了。

My first class was Pre-Algebra, and the teacher put me right next to Alex Aruda, the smartest kid in the whole class. Alex is SUPER easy to copy off of, because he always finishes his test early and puts his paper down on the floor next to him. So if I ever get in a pinch, it's nice to know I can count on Alex to bail me out. Kids whose last names start with the first few letters of the alphabet get called on the most by the teacher, and that's why they end up being the smartest. Some people think that's not true, but if you want to come down to my school, I can prove it.

我的第一节课是基础代数，老师把我安排在亚历克斯·阿鲁达旁边，他是全班最聪明的孩子。 亚历克斯是超级容易抄的，因为他总是很早就完成考试，然后把试卷放在他旁边的地板上。 所以如果我有困难，很高兴知道我能指望亚历克斯帮我摆脱困境。 姓氏以字母表的前几个字母开头的孩子最容易被老师点名，这就是为什么他们最终会成为最聪明的孩子。 有些人认为这不是真的，但如果你想来我的学校，我可以证明这一点。

I can only think of one kid who broke the last-name rule, and that's Peter Uteger. Peter was the smartest kid in the class all the way up until the fifth grade. That's when a bunch of us started giving him a hard time about how his initials sounded when you said them out loud. These days, Peter doesn't raise his hand at ALL, and he's pretty much a C student. I guess I feel a little bad about the whole P. U. thing

我只能想到一个孩子打破了姓的规则，那就是彼得·乌泰格。 彼得一直到五年级都是班里最聪明的孩子。 就在那时，我们一群人开始刁难他因为你大声念他名字的首字母怎么发音。 这些天，彼得根本不举手，他基本上是一个C级的学生。 我想我对整个P有点不好意思。 美国的事情

and what happened to Peter. But it's hard not to take credit whenever it comes up. Anyway, today I got pretty decent seats in all my classes except seventh-period History. My teacher is Mr. Huff, and something tells me he had Rodrick as a student a few years back.

彼得怎么了 但每当它出现时，你很难不邀功。 不管怎样，今天除了七年级历史课，我所有的课都考得不错。 我的老师是赫夫先生，我感觉几年前罗德里克是他的学生。

Wednesday Mom has been making me and Rodrick help out more around the house, and now the two of us are responsible for doing the dishes every night. The rule is that we're not allowed to watch any TV or play video games until all the dishes are done. But let me just say that Rodrick is the WORST dishes partner in the world. As soon as dinner is over, he goes upstairs to the bathroom and camps out there for an hour. And by the time he comes back downstairs, I'm already done. But if I ever complain to Mom and Dad, Rodrick always pulls out the same lame excuse:

星期三，妈妈一直让我和罗德里克在家里帮忙做更多的事情，现在我们两个负责每天晚上洗碗。 规矩是，在洗完碗之前，我们不能看电视，也不能玩电子游戏。 但我想说的是，罗德里克是世界上最糟糕的餐具搭档。 晚餐一结束，他就上楼去洗手间，在那里露营一个小时。 等他下楼来的时候，我已经做完了。 但如果我向爸妈抱怨，罗德里克总是拿出同样蹩脚的借口：

I think Mom and Dad are too worried about my little brother, Manny, to get involved in a fight between me and Rodrick right now anyway. Yesterday, Manny drew a picture at day care, and Mom and Dad got really upset when they found it in his backpack. Mom and Dad thought the picture was supposed to be of THEM, so now they're acting all lovely in front of Manny.

我觉得爸妈太担心我弟弟曼尼了，不想卷入我和罗德里克之间的争斗。 昨天，曼尼在日托所画了一幅画，爸妈在他的背包里发现后非常生气。 妈妈和爸爸以为这张照片应该是他们的，所以现在他们在曼尼面前表现得很可爱。